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“You’re what?” he asked in a low, soothing voice.
“I don’t know if I can do it.”
She started to tense again and he wasn’t having that.
“Shh,” he told her. “Don’t stress. It’s not something that’s meant to cause you to worry.”
She nibbled at her lip. “I don’t think I could do it. Go to a club and find some strange man to dominate me. And I couldn’t ask Reu . . . my best friend. That would be weird.”
No. He didn’t want her asking him. There was so much affection in her voice when she mentioned him. And he was ashamed to say that it made him jealous.
He’d thought he was beyond feeling jealous.
Seemed not.
“It would be weird. But you don’t have to go to a club, you know. Not if you found someone who could show you what it was like to submit.”
She removed her arm. “Right? And where do I find this unicorn?”
“Well, I’ve been called worse than a unicorn.” He smiled at her.
“You?” she whispered, looking up at him in shock. Should he be insulted by that? He wasn’t sure.
“Me.”
“So, you are a Dom? I . . . I wondered.”
“Yeah, I am. I’ve been a Dom for years. I have a membership at a club in Bozeman. If you want, I could give you the owner’s name so you can call him. He’ll vouch for me. I play there when I’m around. Although, not so much lately.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not sure. I haven’t felt like it. Thought maybe I was getting too old.” He winked at her as he put her foot down.
“You’re not too old. Do I need to spank you for speaking badly about yourself?” she growled.
“That will never happen, darling girl. I’m a gentleman. But I’m most definitely not a sub.”
“Do you . . . have you ever been in a relationship where . . . I’m sorry, I’m probably being too intrusive.”
“My wife was my submissive. We were married for nineteen years. She died about twelve years ago.”
“I’m so sorry. That’s so sad. What happened?”
“I was away on deployment. She got very ill, but she was keeping it from me. She hated going to the doctor. Janie was driving to the pharmacy when she fainted and lost control of her vehicle. She died in the hospital soon after.”
“I’m so sorry, Dominic.” To his shock, she got up on her knees and threw her arms around him. “So very sorry.”
“Hey, it’s okay.” She was shaking, so he wrapped her up in his arms, needing to soothe her. “While it still hurts and I miss her, I’ve also learned to celebrate the good things about her memory.”
She buried her face in his chest. “So, she was your sub?”
“Yes, although we didn’t know as much about BDSM back then. There weren’t as many clubs, and people weren’t as open about it. There wasn’t an abundance of romance books. But she was my sub. And my Little girl.”
“You’re a Daddy Dom?”
“You’ve read books about Daddy Doms too?” he asked.
She tried to pull back, away from him. But he held her tight, needing her.
“Um, yes, I have. My friend . . . he’s also a Daddy Dom and so is his boss.”
Hmm, her best friend was turning out to be rather a rather interesting guy.
“Jane was my Little girl. She liked playing dress-up and coloring in. It was a way for us both to de-stress, even though I couldn’t be there often for her in person, we made it work long distance.”
“You would have made the best Daddy to her,” she whispered.
Surprise filled him.
This woman was going to keep him on his toes. And maybe that was precisely what he needed.
“Thank you, but that’s not true. If I’d been a good Daddy and husband, I’d have been there for her. I’d have looked after her, kept her safe. Instead, I was halfway around the world.”
She drew back to look up at him. “Did she ask you to leave the Marines?”
“What? No. She supported me.”
She nodded. “If she’d said she needed you home, that she couldn’t cope anymore with you being away so much, would you have listened to her? Or stayed in the Marines?”
“I’d have found a way to leave.”
“Then why are you beating yourself up for not being there? If she wasn’t coping, she could have told you. Just because someone is submissive doesn’t mean that they can’t stand up for themselves or say what they want. At least, I don’t think it does. I guess everyone is different, though, and I didn’t know your wife. I just . . . I don’t think it’s your fault, and you shouldn’t blame yourself.”
He leaned over her and cupped the side of her face. “You’re right and while I still blame myself from time to time, I’ve also come to realize that it wasn’t my fault. Not entirely. I wish I had tried something else to get her to the doctor, but I didn’t, and that’s a regret I have to live with.”
