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I park, climbing out of the truck and making my way up the stairs toward her.
“Hey, didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Yeah, it was kind of a last-minute decision, but I wanted to tell you something.”
“Sure, okay,” I say, extending my keys toward the lock on the door. “Let’s go inside.” I turn around to usher her through the door. Her eyes are big and round, her hands folded tightly in front of her.
“I just have to say it before I chicken out.” A nervous smile spreads across her face, her eyes lighting up. My heart sinks, because even before she says the words, I know exactly what they’re going to be.
“Dolly, wait . . .” I try to stop her, but it’s too late.
“I’m in love with you.”
15
DAHLIA
I’m jittery with nerves, practically bouncing from foot to foot, and my cheeks hurt from smiling. But the second I say the words, his face doesn’t mirror mine. In fact, he looks upset.
“Dolly, let’s go inside.”
“Oh, okay.” I can’t hide the disappointment in my voice, and I think I’m in shock, actually. I feel like a fool, because I thought that within seconds, he’d pick me up and spin me around, saying it back.
“I’m glad you’re here, actually. I wanted to talk to you but figured it would have to wait until tomorrow or this weekend.”
A pit forms in my stomach and I wrap my arms around myself uncomfortably. “You wanted to talk?” Telling the person you’ve been sleeping with that youneed to talkis never a good thing.
“Yeah, look—” He takes a seat then stands back up quickly. “You want anything to drink?”
“No.”
“I gotta be honest, I don’t know if you reallyarein love with me.”
“Excuse me?” For a second I think I’ve misheard him. “What do you mean?”
“Well, we talked at the cabin about how maybe you just see me as this tie to—”
“Are you seriously bringing that up again?” I cut him off and he looks over at me. “Unbelievable. I’m open and vulnerable with you about my feelings, and you brush them off asconfusion, as you put it? That’s so messed up. Dean has been gone for seven years, Ranger. I’m not delusional or wrapped up in some fantasy that you’re him. I’m well aware that you aren’t. That doesn’t mean I can’t have feelings for you just because you and Dean were best friends growing up.”
“I understand, but have you considered how it makes me feel? To be in love with my best friend’s widow?”
I feel a flutter of hope. “So you’re in love with me too?”
“Yes, Dolly.” He stands up, tossing his hands in the air in exasperation as he walks toward the fireplace. “I’ve fucking been in love with you since the second I saw you at that party that night, when you were singing that song.”
“What?” I walk over to him slowly, reaching out to touch his hand. “You were in love with me back then? But why? Why didn’t you say anything or ask me out?”
“I tried.” He turns around to look at me. “I wanted to so bad, but I got nervous that day I approached you in the hall, so I went to the bathroom to talk myself up . . . and then when I came back out, it was too late. Dean was already there asking you to the dance.”
“Oh my God,” my voice is shaky, “I—I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell him? He was your best friend. He would’ve understood.”
“Because it was love at first sight for him, too. He ran up to me after you said yes, and he was so happy. He told me he knew right then that you were the girl he was going to marry. I couldn’t say anything; I just wanted to be supportive. He’d been robbed of so much in life that he deserved to be happy.”
I feel the tears welling up. “What about what I wanted? What about my happiness?”
He turns around slowly to look at me. “You seemed happy. You had a huge grin on your face that day and at the dance—pretty much every time I saw you with him, you were smiling.”
I want to tell him that half the time, I was smiling becausehewas there with us. I want to admit that the only reason I said yes to going with Dean to the dance was to make Ranger jealous, because I had a crush on him. But I can’t . . . I feel too much guilt. I was young and stupid and immature. I can’t fault Ranger for hiding his feelings from me, because I did the same thing.
