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“No, Paige.” I grab her hand, stilling her movements.
“Once more, for old time’s sake, before you go? Pleeeease?” She pouts and what once would have had me ripping off my clothes only annoys me now.
“I said no. Get your things and go.”
“You could be a little nicer, you know. It wouldn’t kill you to not make a girl feel completely rejected,” she huffs, grabbing her clothes.
“You know damn well I’m in love with Dolly, and that she and I were together. You have no respect, Paige . . . for me or yourself. I’m not interested in making you feel better when you don’t give a damn about her feelings. So, please, get your things and go.”
She scowls, stomping to the bathroom to change before walking back out a minute later. She doesn’t say another word; she just grabs her bag, trudges down the stairs, and slams the front door when she leaves.
I sink down on my bed, the weight of the world feeling like it’s slowing starting to crush me.
* * *
Three Months Later. . .
Every nightit’s the same damn thing. I take a shower, eat something, anything—I don’t even care because I find no joy in food anymore—then I go to bed, where I stare at the ceiling for hours until my body can’t fight sleep any longer.
The ranch here in Texas is going great. We’ve already hired a crew of cowboys and ranch hands, and we’re under construction on two additional barns. The land we bought came with two barns and two small houses, but we needed more room since the cowboys and ranch hands are living in one of the barns.
The only thing I do here other than sleep is work. I don’t play cards with the guys, and I don’t go to the bar on the weekends. This is my penance for being a coward my entire life. I get to sit and wallow in the heartbreak and sadness I created.
I stare at the ceiling, rolling over to glance at the clock. It’s only half past midnight, even though it feels like I’ve been lying here for hours already. Tomorrow, Decker comes to town. He’s just here for the week to see the ranch.
I say the same prayer to myself that I say every night: that someday Dolly and I can be friends again, or that God or the universe or anyone will give me a sign that we’re supposed to be together, and I’ll find the strength to move on from the past. I repeat it over and over until I finally fall asleep.
* * *
The week fliesby and I can’t deny that Decker seems like he’s in his element down here. He’s already made friends with the new crew, and learned things about them I hadn’t even bothered to in three months.
“How do you seem totally different in only three months?” I ask as we dismount our horses. “You gunning for my job?”
“I think you not being around was exactly what I needed.”
“Shit, thanks, man.” I laugh.
“Sorry, I just meant that I think I kind of always relied on you for guidance and whatnot. With you gone, I’ve had to step up and do more—make more decisions. I think I’ve always had it in me, but I just needed to see it for myself.”
I smile, remembering my conversation with my dad just a few short months ago about this same topic. He’d be proud if he saw Decker taking control down here this week.
“Good, I’m glad. I always saw it in you. Hell, I’d have left a lot sooner if it meant it’d make you happier.” We laugh as we exit the barn and make our way back over toward my truck.
“You doing okay?” I can feel him looking at me, but I keep my eyes on the road as I pull up to the house.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just working and sleeping. Ranch life.” I’m dying to ask him how Dolly is doing. I’ve wanted to ask him all week, but I pushed it out of my mind. Since it’s his last night, we decide to head into town for dinner. “Leave here in 30?”
“Sounds good.”
We talk about home, how mom and dad are doing, and he asks me a million questions about life in Texas, none of which I can answer since I really don’t have a life down here.
“Dolly is good. Saw her the other day. She looked great—glowing, really.”
“Good.” I mean it when I say it, but I can’t ignore the pang of jealousy that shoots through my chest. Is she glowing because she’s happy with someone new? Is she over me? Maybe she’s fully moved on. “I’m happy to hear that.”
“Are you?”
“Yeah.” I double down.
