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I pause.
“Hey, I was only kidding,” Nero adds, seeing my conflict. “I know, it’d take more than a few fancy dinners to change the Avery I always knew.”
“Really?” I sigh. “Because I’m not exactly feeling like myself these days,” I admit, taking a long sip of coffee.
Nero nods, slowly chewing his breakfast. “Makes sense,” he says at last. “You spent a long time over there, it’s only natural you grew connected. Happens to spies, too,” he adds, “Undercover cops… Anyone maintaining a fictional life, the lines start to get blurred.”
“So how do I get back to how it used to be?” I ask.
He gives a rueful shrug. “Time, I guess. What’s next for you?”
“I don’t know. That’s part of the problem,” I explain. “After Miles… Well, you know what happened. I was so consumed by my vengeance for so long, that I haven’t even thought about what comes now.”
I look down at my food, avoiding Nero’s scrutiny. If I’m honest, I didn’t think about what happened when I got back, because a small part of me wasn’t sure I would ever make it out of my mission alive.
I was willing to die to have my revenge on Sebastian.
I just wasn’t expecting life to go on, like nothing had happened.
But Nero understands life-and-death stakes better than anyone. “You want to know how I felt, the day after we sealed the deal with the Kovacks?” he asks suddenly, referring to the rival gang the Barrettis were at war with—and recently negotiated a ceasefire that bought him out of the game forever.
“How?”
“Lost,” Nero replies, with a small grin. “Fuck, I didn’t know what to do with myself. My whole life, I’d been a Barretti. Preparing to take the reins, then running shit… This was my life. My world.”
“Until Lily,” I say quietly, and he nods.
“She was a big part of it, but I set things in motion long before she came back into my life. Turning the Barrettis legit with the real estate deals, getting our guys off the streets,” Nero says. “Because I knew, I couldn’t go on like this. So, yeah, change is scary,” he says, giving me a twisted smile. “It’s fucking terrifying to have to switch things up, when you only ever know one life. But it’s necessary. Sometimes, you just have to bite the bullet.”
“Hopefully, not literally,” I quip, and he laughs.
“Yeah, that’s one of the advantages to the real estate game. The meetings are boring as hell, but I don’t need to ride around with a piece in the glove box.”
Nero reaches across and steals the rest of my food.
I take a deep breath. “You’re right.”
“I know.”
I glare and slap his hand away from my home fries. “I mean, about starting over. I need to move on with my life now, whatever that means. Since apparently, my job at the bar has been filled,” I add, giving him a look.
Nero winces. “Yeah, sorry about that. But if you want anything else, let me know. I can find you whatever you want at the company. Marketing, management, bossing around the boys on the construction site... Just say the word.”
“Thanks,” I say slowly. I didn’t tell him and Lily about the money Sebastian left for me. I haven’t decided if I want to touch it yet.
Or if it’s too tainted: his payoff, so he could walk away guilt-free.
“I’ll let you know,” I tell him.
Nero checks his phone, then throws some money down. “I have to get to the site, but swing by the office later, yeah? I’ll introduce you to the team. But don’t beat yourself up for not having it all figured out just yet,” he adds, resting a hand on my shoulder. “You’ve been through a lot this year. These things take time.”
I nod and watch him leave. Nero Barretti, no longer the most feared mob boss in town. He seems to have hit the ground running in his new life, and I can tell that there’s a weight lifted from his shoulders. He’s happier now. Free from the crime and death that haunted our lives. It’s clear, he wants that same new beginning for me, too.
But he has Lily beside him. And I’m all alone.
I lingera while longer over my coffee, turning ideas over in my mind. Do I want to go back to school, the way I pretended to for Sebastian? Pursue my music for the first time, or even just travel, and see the world?
With Sebastian’s money, I could do anything.
