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I tap Freddie on the shoulder and indicate for him to follow me. I know it’s dangerous to leave Mom alone with Zoe, but I’m sure she’ll behave a little in front of Wyatt. This is the best time for us to have a bit of a chat, a casual talk to see where things lie.
“Oh my God, Mom is a nightmare,” I say with a laugh as we head out of earshot. “I’m sorry you got all dragged into this. She’s determined to make this difficult for me.”
Freddie’s face worryingly doesn’t change. “She wants me here. I thought it best I come.”
“Yeah, mhmm, did she say why?” The atmosphere remains cold, and I hate it.
“Well, she wants me here because she’s trying to work out what’s really going on with the two of you. I guess she’s more switched on than we planned, right? This might be killing her more than the idea of you never finding anyone to settle down with.”
I don’t like thatat all.Especially because the last time we had this conversation, Freddie was joking around with me, and we were having fun. That definitely isn’t the case here.
“Well, I can’t end things yet. Not when it’s helping Zoe’s career. You’ve heard how well she’s doing. This really is leading to her getting the sort of acting roles that she wants.”
He narrows his eyes at me suspiciously. “That’s starting to sound a little like an excuse, Remy. This was supposed to benefit you, remember?”
“The press see me in a serious relationship, that’s what I wanted.”
Truth be told, I’m struggling to rememberwhythis all started. I know there were a number of excuses laid out in front of us when we first made the plan in the bar, but now… well now, I just want this to continue because I have an unnatural attachment to Zoe, and I can’t let go of her. As dangerous as things are, I can’t keep away from her no matter what.
“I think it’s best that I’m here to keep an eye on Zoe anyway,” Freddie continues with his arms folded across his chest. “Because it went horribly the last time around, didn’t it? Dinner with your mother. Zoe ended up having a really hard time. I want to protect her.”
Shit, now I feel even worse. But I continue to smile at my friend. “I know, and I’ll protect her too. We know how to play Mom now; we’ve been talking about it. We’ll do whatever we can to make sure that Mom believes in our relationship.”
I hate the way it feels like he can’t trust me anymore. There’s a sky-high wall around him, which I don’t know how to break down. I can’t help but worry about all those things Mom said to me about Freddie being my constant and sticking by me. How can I make it up to him?
I can’t, can I? Not when I’m being incredibly dishonest about what’s really going on with Zoe and I. I don’t deserve his trust, and that hurts most of all. Why do I have to have all of these confusing and conflicting feelings for the one person I can’t even consider romantically for real? It isn’t fair. Lisa was taken from me, and now the only feelings I have threaten everything.
What the fuck am I going to do? How will we survive this?
Chapter 11
Zoe
Zoe:Megan, I’m in hell! MIL is acting crazy.
I know she isn’t my mother-in-law, but that’s the shorthand Megan and I have when discussing her. Unfortunately, she’s in LA at the moment on an acting job, so she can’t actually help me, but I need someone to know what’s going on.
Megan:Get out your best acting skills. You can charm her.
Zoe:She brought Freddie with her to dinner, to try and trip me and Remy up. Now she keeps asking me all these awkward, personal questions in front of him to make it embarrassing.
Megan:Fuck, I wish I was a fly on the wall. Haha. Freddie knows what’s going on though, right? He’s in on the plan, so why isn’t he helping you more?
I sigh, wishing I had an answer to that one. I don’t really know what’s going on with my brother at the moment. He doesn’t seem like himself at all, which is super weird, and is only adding to how painful this night is. I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore, truly. The connections, the money, all of it… especially the romance I know shouldn’t be going on…
Zoe:I’ll keep you up to date. Wish me luck!
Megan:Good luck, don’t let anyone make you feel small. Love ya.
Zoe:Thanks. Love you too. Can’t wait until you’re home xx
Now isn’t the time to fill Megan in on every sordid detail as well, but I actually might have to once she returns from LA. Secrets might spread more if you ever let them out, but this one might explode within me and kill me if I don’t share. I’ve proven endlessly to myself that I’m no good at solving my own issues, but she might know what to do.
She certainly can’t do worse than me anyway, since all I seem to do is get myself in deeper trouble. I keep falling overboard and allowing myself to drown, ignoring any life rafts that are floating around me. My best friend might save me when I can’t save myself.
“So, what do you think of this area, Zoe? Is this where you want to live?”
I can’t take it. Another question might just finish me off. I know Barbara’s words sound innocent enough, but she’s always got an undertone. She’s always trying to make me feel off.
