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“I lived in Williamsburg before,” I reply honestly. “Not too far away, so I do love it.”
“I thought you lived in London before. Freddie said you were acting in London…”
“I was, but then I came here to live with my friend, Megan. And that was in Williamsburg as well.” I don’t even have the energy to force a smile anymore. “We might not have lived here when we were growing up, but I always thought it was a cool part of the city.”
“Same,” Freddie jumps in. “My favorite bars that I work in are here. It really is great.”
Freddie meets my eyes for what feels like the very first time tonight. He’s looked at me, but this is the first time it seems like he’sseenme. He smiles warmly and I grin back. Not necessarily because he’s stood up for me–although I do like having his support–but because I want our relationship to go back to how it was before. He might have always been a little bit on the overprotective side, but we’ve always loved one another. He’s the one family member I used to find it easy to be open and honest with… until now.
That’s sad actually. Really sad because whatever this thing is between Remy and I, I don’t want it to ruin my sibling relationship with Freddie. He’s the only family that I have in New York.
“And how is work going?” Barbara continues. I’m sure she already asked this earlier on in the evening, but if she wants to interrogate me again like a police officer, then so be it. “You have been asked to do ‘pornography’…” She mouths that word in front of Wyatt but my face steams up regardless. “Haven’t you? Is that something you’re considering?”
“It wasn’t like that. Just nudity,” I bite back. I won’t mouth anything because I don’t feel like I have anything to be ashamed of. “And that’s something I want to avoid my whole career.”
Barbara cocks a knowing eyebrow, like she can see the way my life will go before me. She sees me headed down the sort of seedy path that simply isn’t for me. I don’t think Barbara should be judging me even if that was something I wanted to do. It has nothing to do with her!
“I think this little man might be tired,” Freddie announces as he ruffles Wyatt’s hair. “Maybe I should get out of your way so you can get him to bed.” My heart sinks, if he goes, everything will get worse! “Zoe, do you think you could come with me? I was just thinking that we could go for a drink around the corner? I have some family stuff I need to talk to you about.”
“Oh… sure…” I glance towards Remy. “Is that cool? You don’t need me for a moment, do you? I think we have a lot to talk about… you know, because of our parents.”
Remy nods right away because I’m pretty sure he knows what this is. A ploy, right? I don’t think Freddiereallywants to chat to me about our parents. They’re quite happy in England. I’m sure he wants to know what the hell is going on here. With me.
“You go, have a nice time with Freddie. I’ll see you later, okay?”
We both know I’m not coming here tonight, but I guess we still need to cover that so Barbara thinks I live here. I’m glad to go home though, because I’m drained. I need to lie in my bed and curl into a ball until I sleep this nightmare off.
Barbara looks like she’s going to stay, which doesn’t surprise me. She can chat rubbish about me without me here which I just know she’ll love. I don’t even have the energy to care how Remy’s going to handle it, I just need to be out of here. So, I leave eagerly with Freddie, finally feeling like I can breathe properly once the cool night air washes over us both.
“That was intense, wasn’t it?” I chuckle a little as we cross the street. Freddie knows where we’re headed, since we don’t really need to have a drink. Freddie’s walking me back to my place so we can talk it all through. “Remy’s mom is something else.”
“You don’t have to put up with that, Zoe,” Freddie replies firmly. “If I’d known that Barbara was going to be like that with you, I never would have suggested that you be Remy’s fake fiancée. I know she’s protective, but I don’t like seeing her that way with you.”
“It’s been helpful though,” I have to admit. “You know I have an acting role now, and that came from people seeing me in the media as Remy’s girlfriend. I guess he’s a real big shot in the rich people socialite type crowd, isn’t he? Which works out well for me.”
Freddie shoots me a look. “But you have that link now, right? You can start building on that with your own talent. I don’t think you need to keep being on Remy’s arm. I don’t think it’s helping you anymore. I don’t think it’s helping him either. It seems messy for the both of you.”
A bitter ball of bile lodges itself at the base of my throat. I don’t like this. I don’t think it’s a good idea to cut things off with Remy right now, but I honestly can’t think of any reason I can give my brother to keep things going. Freddie won’t like anything I have to say.
“Maybe you’re right,” I say instead, even though I don’t believe a single word coming out of my mouth. “I’ll speak to Remy about it when we get the chance and work out a plan.”
Freddie frowns. I’m starting to get the impression that he doesn’t want me anywhere near his friend at all. Shit, did he sense the chemistry between us? Is it possible that someone told him what’s going on? I don’t think there’s another person who’s aware of the lines being blurred, but secrets always have a strange way of getting out, don’t they? What if Freddie is waiting for me to be honest about it? There’s no way in hell I’m going to say anything, I can’t fall into that trap. I don’t want to drop myself in it if he doesn’t have a clue.
“I just don’t want you to have any stress, Zoe. I don’t want this to be an issue anymore.”
I nod along with him because I don’t have anything to say to Freddie anymore. He’s voiced his opinion now, I get it, but that doesn’t change a thing. Anyway, we’re at my home now, and I think Freddie wants to leave. He’s got that glazed over, distracted look in his eyes.
“Well, I guess I will see you soon then?” I ask him. “We should have lunch sometime.”
His eyes meet mine once more. “Yeah, for sure. I’d like that.”
We hug and he walks away, waving as he goes, but that doesn’t stop my heart from sinking because I can almost feel the pain radiating off of him. I caused that. This is all my fault, for overstepping that boundary with Remy. We both knew that shouldn’t have happened, but we did it anyway. We were selfish; we put our own pleasure first, and it sucks.
But I’m undeniably obsessed with Remy, and I think I might have been for my whole life. Ever since I first had my teenage crush on him. I can’t just walk away from him. I just can’t. Even if it’s going to fuck everything up, which is a hard pill to swallow.
As I head up the steps to my apartment, my mind spins all over the place. Freddie’s words sink through me. He wants me to end things for his sake really, so we can continue as we are, being the siblings that we’ve always been, and he gets to keep his best friend. That’s exactly what I want to do because I love my brother. But this is the one thing I struggle with.
My heart leaps as my cell phone bleeps. I have a funny feeling that this might be the man at the center of this all. Much as I know I should ignore it; I can’t stop myself.
