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“What about Freddie?” Mom turns to ask me. “Does he know that you’re having a hard time? He’s always a good friend to you when things are happening. Why isn’t he here?”
“I think I’m going to make us some coffee,” I declare, choosing to ignore the questions that are clearly designed to get a rise out of me. “Do you want anything else, Mom?”
She shakes her head, but that look in her eyes catches me off guard. She’s not done. We’re definitely going to have some questions to deal with right now. Urgh, doesn’t she know that this is why I didn’t want to see her? This is why I have been ignoring her calls. I appreciate everything that she does for me, but I don’t want to deal with her criticisms right now.
I check my messages once more as I wait for the coffee pot to boil, naturally finding my way to Zoe’s name, because really she’s the only person I’m desperate to hear from. It hits me I haven’t paid her yet, so I do that, then send her a text to let her know.
I don’t know if I’ll get a reply after what happened, but I wait for a few moments regardless, just staring at the screen. I’m willing something to come through, because that might be the start of us reconnecting again. If things can’t go back to the way they were–which I guess that ship has sailed now–then I would at least like things to end on positive terms.
But no, I don’t get anything back. My phone is painfully silent for the first time in days. It’s almost like it’s taunting me, reminding me that she hates me. I’m sure she could actually be working, that might be why she’s not responding, but it feels deep. It stings deep.Fuck.
Eventually I have to accept that she’s not going to talk to me anymore. I stuff the phone back in my pocket and I take the mugs of coffee in to face my mother and her questions.
“So, you were photographed at the unit?” Mom asks me, trying to get to the root of the problem. “And you got annoyed by that? Really upset, so you caused a scene?”
“I was trying to protect the children,” I inform her sternly. “Those kids don’t need photographers around them, creating drama. They don’t need nosy people making them feel bad or unsafe in their space. I don’t want me to have a negative impact on that.”
“I know, I see that. But you didn’t need to act like a crazy person, did you?”
“Mom, I don’t need to hear that from you as well. You don’t think I’ve heard that from every single person that has come after me. IknowI did wrong. I’m just trying not to make it worse.”
“So, staying inside is the answer to that?”
“I don’t know what the answer is.” I offer Mom a one-shouldered shrug. “That’s why I’m just going with avoidance. It seems like the easiest path right now.”
Mom tuts and shakes her head. Clearly she’s disappointed in me. Again. Well, she might as well join the queue. Everyone is disappointed in me right now. Even me.
“Wallowing won’t get you anywhere,” she says a little dejectedly. “I don’t know how to get that through to you, but you need to take action. You need to handle this. I have seen you sink into depression before, and I won’t let it happen again.”
“This isn’t the same as when Lisa died, Mom. It’s nothing like that.” I shake my head as I speak because I don’t know what she’s saying this for.
“Then why do you have that same look on your face?”
Those words come at me like a smack in the face. Because I suppose I am grieving a little as well. I’m grieving the end of my connection to Zoe without even realizing it. I’ve been heartbroken this whole time, and the shit with the media has just been a good cover up of my emotions.
I sink back in my seat, realizing what I’m going to have to deal with now. I’m going to have to actually handle this break up and process it, without Freddie’s help this time around because of course I can’t talk to him about it. He’ll rip my head off.
Maybe I should have listened to Mom in the first place. She seemed to know that everything would implode way before I did. She saw everything falling apart before me. She might have been wrong about why it happened, because she doesn’t know the truth.
I might have to start listening to her in the future. She seems way smarter than me.
Chapter 15
Zoe
“Ididnotknowthat you were going to come along, to make me feel this way,” I gasp out, as my fellow actor in this scene, Chris, edges closer to me with an intensity in his eyes. “I could not have predicted how things were going to turn out. This has been a big surprise for me.”
“And what would you have done differently, had you known?”
I’m just about to launch into my monologue, which I have committed to memory and I know really well, when the director yells “cut.” We have to stop right as we’re about to get started.
“I’m just not feeling the chemistry between you guys,” the director clucks. “I don’t know how we’re going to get it out of you both. Something isn’t quite clicking. Take five.”
Stepping away from Chris and breaking the intensity of the tension between us makes my head spin. I’ve been giving it my all this morning, through to the afternoon, and I think Chris is the same. We’re kicking ass, and I’m sure there’s a sense of chemistry between us. I don’t know how we’re going to make this work out to please the director.
“This sucks, doesn’t it?” Chris laughs as he follows me to the snacks table. I honestly wanted a moment alone, so I can adjust to doing this scene again. But Chris is a talker, and that seems to make him happy, so I’ll chat with him for a while. “What can we do? How can we make this better? We haven’t even gotten to the kiss moment yet. Do you think he will make us do that endlessly as well? I have a feeling our lips will be sore.”
Since I’ve never been a main role in a movie, I haven’t had to do a kiss scene before. I’m not the main role in this one either, but my scene gets steamy to help move the plot along. I’ve been nervous about acting out a kiss with Chris, but now that sensation is even worse.
