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Life has been shit without her, and even though I know I don’t have much chance of seeing her again, it feels good to know that she’s missing me too.
So, today I have a lot of plans. Plans that I’m looking forward to actioning. I’m going to drop Wyatt off with my mother, because I know that they are desperate to see one another again, and then I’m headed into the office. Just to keep an eye on things, to make sure everything is going well since I haven’t been there. Then once I’ve been sure that the office is all fine, I’m going to see Mary Lou, to check that her and the kids are okay. I haven’t been back to the Congregate Care unit since the day the press found me there, and I was thinking I wouldn’t do it again, to keep everyone safe. But now I think that’s silly. Alice and the other kids love me coming there, and I want to keep helping them out. I don’t want the fucking media to put me off.
So, a meeting with Mary Lou is essential. I need to see what she thinks I should do.
It actually feels good to be up and about, moving and functioning again. Sitting around and doing nothing doesn’t suit me. It never has, and it never will. I have that spark of excitement in my blood again, and I can feel it pumping through my veins.
“Are you looking forward to going to see Grandma today?”
Wyatt nods eagerly. “I like her snacks and her big TV too.”
I let out a little laugh, but guilt flows through me at the same time. Much as it’s been nice for me to spend time with Wyatt, I have selfishly disrupted his routine by keeping him at home. I don’t think that’s something I should ever do again, no matter what is going on with me.
It isn’t exactly a regular thing for me though, to hide away from the world. I don’t normally get hit by something which knocks me off kilter like that. It’s only been a couple of times when I’m struck by grief and intense heartbreak. I think that’s understandable, but I’ll still be better.
“Come on then.” I smile at Wyatt. “Let’s get in the car, shall we?”
We drive to my mom’s house, where we excitedly climbs out, ready to see her once more. I texted Mom this morning, and she was happy to have Wyatt, so I have to admit it’s a bit of a surprise that she isn’t at the door, ready to meet us.
Without worrying too much, I click the door open, and we head inside. Wyatt races to the living room, to put cartoons on the giant TV he loves so much. Chuckling, I aim for the kitchen, because I’m pretty sure that’s where Mom will be, brewing coffee or something…
“Whoa.” But as soon as I lay my eyes on my mother, my heart stops beating. What the hell has happened to her? “Mom, you look sick. Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?”
She’s pale, almost green looking, which of course has me worried. I don’t know why she agreed to have Wyatt today when she’s clearly struggling so much. This now has me right on edge. Obviously, I can’t leave Wyatt with her when she’s ill, but that’s okay. My plans aren’t as important as my mother if she’s having a rough time.
“I’m okay.” She waves her hand dismissively, but I don’t buy it. “I’m good, I’m glad to have Wyatt today. I’ve missed my grandson. It’s been too long since we had a day together.”
I take a seat opposite her and narrow my eyes curiously in her direction. My mother doesn’t get sick very much, so to see her in this manner is actually kind of hard. My chest feels tight. I don’t know how to approach this because I don’t know if she will respond well. She doesn’t like to talk about any kind of weakness within her. I’ll have to be really careful.
“Mom, I don’t think I’m going to go in to work today,” I say thoughtfully instead. “I would rather spend the day with the pair of you, if you don’t mind.”
She stares at me furiously, but her anger isn’t shining through too much because she really is too ill. That breaks my heart way more than it should do because I blame myself. If I hadn’t been hiding away from the world, then I would have been able to deal with this earlier.
“I don’t want you here. I want to have a day alone with Wyatt. You’ve kept us away from one another for way too long. It’s my time to hang out with him now.”
She rises to her feet, but only for a second before she falls back down in the seat once more. She really doesn’t have enough strength in her body to hold herself up, so I don’t know how she’s going to look after Wyatt. Three-year-old kids need a lot of attention and activity. She knows that.
“Okay, well I’ll go to work in a bit then,” I reply. “I need a coffee first.”
She won’t meet my eyes, so I decide to try and rile her up a little, to see if I can get her to respond to me. I need her to admit that she’s not doing so well so I can actually get some help for her. This is silly; she’s being stubborn for absolutely no reason.
“So, once I’ve been to work, I’m going to talk to Mary Lou.”
“Who’s that?” Mom asks without her usual nosiness. “Mary Lou? I don’t know her, do I?”
“She works for the Congregate Care unit, and I want to check in to see if she and the kids are alright. I haven’t seen them since the incident with the press.”
She nods slowly, not really meeting my eyes even now. I guess she doesn’t want to berate me for my behavior anymore. I have something else I can talk to her about though, which will wind her up. I’m sure as soon as I sayhername, it’ll spark flames of rage.
“I’ve been talking to Zoe as well. She’s acting a lot at the moment.” Again, Mom says nothing. But she does look a little paler. “I think we might be getting married sooner than we originally thought. We can’t wait until we’re husband and wife, you know?”
She’s growing greener by the moment. I stop pushing her because I’m worried now. I lean in a little closer, trying to see what’s going on. Mom’s eyes are starting to look glazed over. I don’t know what she thinks is going to happen here, but I’m in no way leaving her. Not a chance in hell. Thank God I’m here actually. I don’t like to think what would have happened if I hadn’t come in.
“I’m getting you some water,” I declare as I scrape my chair back. “You need to drink something, Mom. I don’t know what game you’re playing, but you’re not doing well.”
I actually need to get someone else to watch Wyatt for the day, because I have a feeling that I’m going to be looking out for Mom. I don’t know if I should actually take her to the doctor. But who? Wyatt isn’t close to anyone really. He doesn’t have another adult in his life that he can trust. It doesn’t matter how much I try to rack my brain, no one comes up. I don’t even know if I could contact Freddie right now because he’s being weird with me…
Oh!But all of a sudden, I remember Zoe. I know things are strange between us at the moment as well, and I have no idea what’s going on there, but I do know that Wyatt loves her. He thinks she’s awesome and she seems to respond well to him as well.
