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I hold his hand and lead Wyatt in through the doors, to find Mary Lou right inside. She blinks at me a couple of times before she finally realizes who I am.
“Oh my God, Zoe, you came back. Are you with Remy? I haven’t seen him since the incident with the press the other day. I’ve been a bit worried about him….”
“It’s just me and Wyatt. Do you mind if we spend some time here? Remy is at the hospital with his mother. She isn’t doing too well today. I thought we’d come here for company.”
Mary Lou senses that there is something going on with me, so she nods encouragingly. I show Wyatt into the room where all the children are playing, and it isn’t long before Alice and some of the others have gathered around him and they’re playing games.
“So, how is Remy?” May Lou asks me as she hands me a much-needed mug of tea. I honestly didn’t know how much I needed a hot drink until this very moment. “And his mother?”
“I don’t really know,” I admit. “Remy didn’t give me much information. He just asked me to sit with Wyatt until he comes back… but Wyatt was struggling, so I thought it might be nice for him to be around other children. I haven’t been in New York for long, so I don’t have many friends.” I dart my eyes towards Mary Lou. “I hope it’s okay that we’re here.”
“Oh of course,” she insists. “You’re always welcome here, I hope you know that. We’re always your friends. And it’s good to get to know Wyatt. He’s so sweet.”
I smile as I watch him play, grateful that we’ve found a little space where he can think about something else. He’s already looking a whole lot better and lighter now that we’re here.
“He is an adorable boy,” I agree. “I’m glad to see him smiling again.”
“It’s good that Remy had you to call on.” Mary Lou rubs my shoulder comfortingly. “I’ve never known him to allow anyone into his life like he has you. And you’re a lovely couple.”
I smile thinly. Since I don’t know what’s happening with the façade, I figure it’s better to say nothing right now. “Yeah, thank you, that’s really kind of you to say.”
“Remy really is a great guy, isn’t he?” she continues, not sensing my inner turmoil at all. “I have always thought that about him. The work he’s done here is phenomenal, and the difference that he’s made in the lives of the children here is great. We wouldn’t have half of what we do here if it wasn’t for him. That’s why we had to have the party for him the other day, to show our appreciation as much as we can. I don’t know how we can thank him enough.”
My heart throbs a little for Remy, I can’t shake him out of my heart. Remembering him here, and the amazing day we had before everything fell apart, makes me ache all over. I fold my arms protectively across my chest, but I can’t save myself from what’s inside.
“I don’t think you need to thank Remy,” I tell Mary Lou honestly. “I think he does it because he really likes seeing the kids smile. I get the impression that he likes making a positive difference in the world as well, which it seems like he really does here.”
“You’re lucky to have him… but then I think Remy is lucky to have you too.”
I help Mary Lou throughout the day, to make up for us being here with her. We chat easily as we make lunch for the kids, and I get involved in the games with the kids to give Mary Lou a break. All of this makes time go by really fast, but it does nothing to shake off the nagging sensation in my heart. I can avoid Remy as much as I want, but it isn’t going to make me feel any better. I’m not going to be able to let go of us because it was the best relationship I’ve ever had.
I like Remy. I have definitely been falling for him way more than I should have but makingusreal comes with way too many unfortunate complications. Barbara is always going to dislike me, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get through to her. I don’t think she’ll ever see me as good enough for her son. We can try, but I can’t see it happening.
And then there’s Freddie. My brother, and all the drama there. I can only see that ending in pain and agony, with everyone getting hurt along the way. I can almost feel the pain in my brother’s heart already and nothing has even happened yet. The explosion hasn’t occurred.
There’s no way getting around that. There’s no way for me and Remy to ever be. This really is a nightmare, isn’t it? We’re going to go around in circles forever, I can just see it. That breaks my heart and makes me wonder if I would be better off in London. I never planned to go back when I left. I was coming back to New York City to make it big and to have my career.
Maybe not London, maybe I really do need to try LA. I’m not keen on the idea, I never have been that keen on Hollywood, but I can always visit with Megan and see if I can make it work. Because if I stay here, then I will always be broken over Remy. Since I had a crush on him when I was younger, and I’ve never fully recovered from that, it seems like I will always feel this way. I’m never going to be okay, that’s just the way it is.
“It’s been a blessing having you here today,” Mary Lou finally tells me with a soft smile playing on her face. “Thank you for coming. You should come here more often and hang out. Or maybe we should even spend time outside of here. Go out for drinks and have fun.”
I smile at her gratefully. Much as I adore Megan and I love having her in my life, and I’m grateful that she’s my roommate, I would love to have to more friends. And I like Mary Lou as well, what I’ve seen of her. So, I’m really keen for this to progress.
“Yeah, I would like that a lot. I’ll give you my number before I leave. We can maybe go for cocktails or something. A girl’s night out.”
Speaking about my phone makes me pull it out, but I still don’t have a message from Remy. It’s really worrying. I truly hope his mom is okay. I don’t dare ask though. All I have to do right now is make sure that Wyatt is good, and well looked after. He seems like he’s having the best time at the moment, which is awesome. I’m proud that we’ve managed to get through this day.
Not only have I gotten through this day, but it seems like I’ve made an amazing friend as well. If Idoend up staying in New York City, then I hope we can have a friendship. But who knows what I’m going to do. I have no idea right now. It all feels up in the air. New York hasn’t beenanythinglike I thought it would. If I’d known how it would end up, then maybe I would have stayed in London. Maybe I would have made a different plan in life.
Unfortunately, I can’t change that now. I’m here, and somehow I need to make the best of it.
Chapter 20
Remy
Relieffloodsthroughmethe moment Mom opens her eyes and finally blinks enough to adjust to the room around her. Thank goodness she’s here and she’s okay. That was troubling, I hated all of that; it was way too much. I didn’t want to admit it, even to myself, but I was scared that I lost her then. The way she looked, so pale and sickly, was terrifying.
It made me realize how much I rely on my mom, and how much I respect her. I can’t let go of her. I just can’t, and now I need to make her know how much I love her.
