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“Yes, ma’am.”
“Well, either way, maybe you should get out there and dance a little. I think letting loose might do you good.”
Time to go. “I’ll take it under advisement.” I smiled, a big, gentle, open smile I practiced in the mirror. It was my smile that made people think I trusted them. “I’m going to wander about and say my hellos. Always nice to see you, ma’am.” I offered my hand a second time, eager for her shake. As I walked away, I could still feel the force of it.
There was a snack bar across the room, so I headed there, ordered myself a soda and then meandered about the room until I came to a stop a bit of a distance from the guy managing the headphones. I had no intention of dancing. I was there to observe, supervise, and make sure my brothers behaved themselves.
Leaning against the wall, I nursed my soda and watched the growing crowd. The event seemed to be somewhat of a success. And it was sort of magical to watch people dance in utter silence. Even though they heard music, the fact that you couldn’t hear it completely reframed their movements. Strangely, dancers without music were akin to astronauts without gravity—floating in a way that felt impossible to understand.
I glanced at my watch, noticing we were closing in on the hour I’d promised, and I was considering rounding up my crew when she walked in and took my breath away. She was a little pixie of a thing, five feet at most. Her hair was dark, and there was tons of it, long and silky, and in an enticing disarray. She also had huge eyes, giant slightly buggy saucers she outlined in thick, dark liner. She wasn’t curvy or busty. She wasn’t classically pretty in any way, but something about her was utterly magnetic. She reminded me of Arwen fromLord of the Rings, downright ethereal.
She strolled with purpose to the headphone guy, pointed to a pair, silently questioning if she was free to just take them. He nodded, smiling at her in a way that made me uniquely unhappy. I didn’t often find myself concerned with the way strange men flirted with a woman I’d never met, and, honestly, I was sort of shocked by my reaction. I even cleared my throat like I had something to say. To whom, I am not exactly sure, but watching him talk to her made me want to rant at someone.
The only thing keeping my irrational response in check was her total indifference. At first, she seemed to listen with great intensity as he pointed to the parts and explained the headphones, watching his mouth as he spoke, but when he handed them to her, she gave him a tight smile, tipped her head in thanks, and immediately walked away without having said anything.
I watched her back as she approached the dance floor. She was wearing jeans, a black band T-shirt and black Converse. Her overall look was plain but also punky. Once she picked her spot, she half-faced me again, and then grasped the headphones between her thighs as she twisted her hair into a messy bun at the nape of her neck. Hair fixed, she fussed with the headphones for a bit before putting them on, instantly becoming a punky Princess Leia.
I was into her, drawn to her in a way that didn’t make sense. She wasn’t part of the plan. I was one hundred percent sure my father, senior senator in the U.S. Congress, would not approve. This was not the kind of girl who stood next to you on the podium as you swore to uphold the law. This was the kind of girl who went with you to the county fair, screamed something profane from the top of the Ferris wheel, and licked the cotton candy off her fingers.
She looked like normal and wild all rolled into one. I bet she hung out in her dorm room with friends eating junk food and wearing pajamas. Her life was regular, the kind of life where you borrowed your parents’ car to run to the store and decorated your childhood bedroom with posters of your favorite bands. I was not this kind of person, not at all.
Tranced out watching her, I didn’t hear Ashton next to me until he said, “Huh, I never would have thought punky was your type.”
“She’s not,” I said, my voice calm and completely even. Luckily, I was not easy to fluster.
“Say what you will, but I’ve known you three years, Zack, and I’ve never seen you watch a woman the way you were just watching that one.”
In my head, Yoda said,Observant, this one was. Give him something, you must.
“I admit, she’s interesting to look at. Unique in some way, but not for me. I am not interested in the way you’re implying.”
“Of course not,” he said, his voice laced with sarcasm. “You have a plan.”
I nodded. I did. It wasn’t my plan per se, but I followed it.
“You should go dance with her,” Ashton suggested.
For a second I considered it, sauntering up, smiling at her, offering a voiceless hello (because headphones), getting her silent confirmation that I was free to dance in her airspace, maybe some soundless giggles at my foolish dance moves. My chest tightened at the thought of the imaginary interaction, and I had to take a deep breath to right myself.
“Don’t be silly,” I said, but there was a whisper in my tone that gave away the longing I felt.
Ashton tilted to the left with curiosity. “Actually, I was thinking you should trust me to round up and lord over our brothers for the next hour.”
Confused by his offer, I asked, “What do you mean?”
“I saw you talking to Dr. Ford and thought it might be good if you stayed behind, made it look like you cared about this event, above and beyond the fraternity’s obligation…”
I narrowed my eyes at him. What was he doing?
“...You know, to make a good impression.” He wasn’t looking at me anymore, and it was clear he had an ulterior motive.
“I think she knows I am dedicated. Not to worry.”
He sighed, clearly frustrated. Then, he dropped his voice to an almost inaudible tone. “I was also thinking, once we were gone, you could ignore the plan for like five minutes. It’s much easier to break rules when no one’s watching.”
Yes, but not when someone knew your intentions.
“Thank you for your concern, Vos, but I’m good.” I thought of him as Ashton, but we all called him by his last name. I pushed off the wall I was leaning on. “What you can do is tell the guys to pack it up. I’m just going to say my goodbyes.”
