Page 51 of Can't Fight It


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I bite my lip, not sure what to say. I guess it couldn’t hurt if Ethan extends the invitation. Austin doesn’t know it’s coming from me. And he might decline anyway…

“Yes,” I blurt out, not letting myself overanalyze things too much.

“Keep washing for me,” she says, turning off the sprayer. “I’ll text Ethan.”

* * *

“Ready for week four?”

I glance up at Joel in the doorway of my room at the Stress Lab. “Hey.”

I return to going over my notes for today’s sessions, still a little miffed at him. Yeah, he apologized, but the more I thought about how negative he was being, the more it unsettled me. Would I even have noticed it as much if Austin hadn’t said something? And then the way Austin had defended me, pointed out how hard I’d been trying… It was nice to be recognized.

Especially when half the time I have to remind myself to focus when I’m with him. Friday night when he had first put his arm around me, I should have been scared. I should have been imagining him as an attacker.

But all I could think of was how much I liked Austin being that close. How instead of feeling threatened, I felt safe. That when I’m with him now, I don’t need to keep any kind of guard up. In the few weeks I’ve known him, he’s already shown me how patient he is, how understanding. It’s a complete reversal of my first impression of him.

“I had a good time Thursday night,” Joel says, interrupting me from my train of thought. “We should do it again sometime.”

“But you didn’t do any of the self-defense moves.” He sat on the couch nearly the whole time.

His smile falters for a moment. “I was soaking it in. You know, like auditing a class before I take it for real.”

Right.

“And I’m sorry again for saying anything negative. Didn’t even realize I was doing it.”

I nod to acknowledge him. He apologized, so I should take him at his word. “No problem.”

“How about we get together this Friday? You don’t work that day, right?”

“I have plans.”

There’s that falter again in his smile, but it’s not quite the same. More like he’s… composing himself.

“Who with?”

“Some friends.”

“On Valentine’s Day?”

“Yeah.”

Why does it matter if it’s on Valentine’s Day if he wanted to hang out with me then?

He grips the straps of his backpack, his mouth compressing. “Are you going out with Austin?”

Why is he so hung up on that idea? “My friend Lexie from work invited me to a party.” Technically, not a lie. It’s just not a private party. And it doesn’t seem wise to mention that Austin may go, too. Ethan hadn’t texted her back by the time our shift was over last night.

“Where’s it at?”

“I don’t know the address.” Also, technically not a lie. I don’t know Element’s exact address.

“So you’d rather hang out with your work friend than me?”

Though he says it jokingly, there’s something serious underlying in his tone. Why is he trying to guilt trip me? He already crashed my self-defense lesson.

I put my script for today away in its folder, any chance of rehearsing it before my first participant shows up long gone now. “I told her I’d go. I don’t want to seem flaky.”

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