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I look around the tidy room with a frown. What woke me up? I wasn’t having a nightmare—I barely ever dream at all. I wait, but there’s no noise, no movement. I’m alone in my room. I check my phone. It’s almost four in the morning.
I lie back down, my heart still hammering, and turn on my side. It’s been a couple of years now since I’ve had a panic attack, and I’ve never had one in my sleep. I don’t know if that’s even possible.
Forcing myself to take deep, long breaths, I remind myself that everything is alright. Eventually, I go back to sleep, and when I wake up, I’m completely fine.
Thatverysameday,I’m sitting in literature class, shoulder to shoulder with Theodora as we are both bent over our notebooks, practically transcribing Professor Elmahed’s lecture. A knock at the door startles everyone in the room, including Professor Elmahed, who looks up with a frown.
“Come in,” she calls.
The door opens, and Mr Clarke, Mr Ambrose’s personal assistant, apologises for interrupting her lesson. “Do you have Theodora Dorokhova?”
Everyone turns to look at Theodora, whose entire body goes stiff at my side. She raises her hand. “I’m here.”
“I’m so sorry for interrupting your lesson, Theodora, but Mr Ambrose would like to see you in his office.”
“Now?” Her voice is like I’ve never heard it before, small and frail, so frail it almost breaks.
It reminds me of her voice the first time I met her outside Mr Ambrose’s office when she was so slight and so delicate looking.
“Yes, Theodora, I’m sorry,” Mr Clarke says.
Theodora packs away her things. I watch her, clenching my fists on my lap to stop myself from taking her hand in mine, wrapping her in my arms. The expression on her face is one I’ve never seen before, confusion and a horrible fear that blanches the colour from her lips. She walks away, and I whisper, “See you later, Theo.”
She turns briefly to cast me a look full of surprise as if she’s forgotten I’m there, as if we’re strangers and she’s wondering how I know her name.
And then she crosses the classroom, and the door closes behind her, and she’s gone.
Chapter 42
Chapter 42 - Last Assignment
Theodora
Myfather’sangerisa creeping, gaping darkness that fills the space around him.
Mr Ambrose’s office, a place where I’ve spent so much time, a place where I’ve sat and learned and grown, a place I’ve always felt so safe in—is completely transformed by my father’s presence, by his palpable ire.
When I enter the room, Mr Ambrose stands, and his eyes and voice are warm as he greets me.
“Ah, good morning, Theodora—take a seat, please.”
My father doesn’t look at me. His eyes are fixed on Mr Ambrose. He’s angry at him, too, I can tell.
But I also know that my father is a calculated man who never aims a bullet of anger into a target he cannot hit.
Mr Ambrose might as well be wrapped in Kevlar, and me, a doe with broken legs lying at my father’s feet.
I’m so afraid my knees can barely hold the weight of my trembling body. I half-collapse into the seat at my father’s side, not daring to look at him.
“Thank you for joining us, Theodora,” Mr Ambrose says, settling himself into his seat. “Your father has come to discuss some…” He hesitates for a fraction of a second, his gaze moving from my face to my father’s. “Some concerns. Some of those are of a private nature and nothing I can do anything about; however, I was hoping we could discuss our options in the light of—”
“No options,” my father snaps. “Theodora is coming home.Today.”
My heart stutters in my chest, and my stomach churns in a wave of nausea that almost sends the food in my stomach crawling up my throat. I normally skip breakfast, but Zachary gave me half his clementine earlier and a triangle of toast.
I wish I hadn’t eaten them.
“I’ve explained to your father that A-level exams are coming up,” Mr Ambrose says in a reassuring voice. “But—”
