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There’s a softness in his gaze—the glowering softness of molten lava. “Were you afraid?” His voice comes out hoarse and rough as if he’s unwell.
“Yes. More afraid than I’ve ever been.”
“Did he hurt you?”
“Only a little.”
His fists clench at his sides, and he takes a deep breath, his chest rising and falling brusquely. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“I didn’t have my phone.”
“Would you have called me if you did?”
My breath leaves my lungs, and my eyes sting. The truth drops from my mouth like the roses and diamonds dropping from the girl’s mouth in that French fairy tale.
“I might have, even if I hated you then. I might have because there’s a part of me that’s always wanted you to save me.”
My voice trembles—I remember how afraid I used to be of crying, my father’s wrath at the sound of my sobs, and the way Zachary dropped to his knees to weep, unashamed, at my feet.
“I wanted you to save me for so long, Zachary Blackwood. Sometimes, my heart cried so loudly for you to save me, I couldn’t understand how you couldn’t hear it. I know princes and knights aren’t real and that damsels ought to save themselves. But I thought you were something else, a saint, or an angel, to keep me safe when I couldn’t do so myself.”
A tear blossoms in Zachary’s eyes and falls in a straight line down his cheek.
“I would have,” he rasps in a broken voice. “I would have if only you’d let me. I would have saved you and protected you and never let any harm come to you. If only you hadn’t always insisted on keeping me at arm’s length.”
“One step removed from a stranger,” I say. “I know. I was scared. I’ve been scared for a very long time.”
“And now?”
“Now? I don’t know. I’m not so scared anymore, though I suspect there’ll always be a little tumour of fear living in my heart. Now, mostly, I feel lost.”
“You’re not lost.” He steps forward one more time, almost closing the space between us, and takes my hands in his. For the first time, it’s his fingers which are cold and mine warm. “You’re not lost, Theodora. I’ve found you. I’ve finally found you. And I’ll never lose you again.”
Chapter 48
Debt Incurred
Theodora
It’seasyenoughtolet Zachary wrap his arms around me, to soften in the confines of his embrace. His touch is as warm and comforting as it’s always been, but it’s tainted somewhat, irreversibly damaged.
Damaged by all the fear and betrayal I’ve gone through, the shock of pain when I realised Zachary must have betrayed my secret, the memory of seeing my name at the bottom of that list.
Damaged, too, by my father’s shouts, his bruising grip on my arm as he threw me into the back of his limo and called me a string of filthy names. The word “whore” is indelibly carved into my bones, somewhere nobody but me will ever know about.
All this damage is still too fresh, the wounds still bleeding bright.
Maybe Zachary senses it; he releases me with a sigh and takes my face gently in his hands. “Come back to Spearcrest with me.”
I shake my head, pulling myself loose and sitting on the edge of the bed to create distance between us. “I can’t.”
“It’s not too late to catch up on what you’ve missed, and Mr Ambrose will understand, he—”
“No, you don’t understand, Zach. I can’t. My father paid for my education—he paid for everything. Even if I somehow got in touch with my mother, I suspect most of her finances are tied to his. I can’t go back to Spearcrest—I simply can’t afford to.”
He frowns and looks around the room. “How are you paying for this?”
“I took some cash with me when I ran away. It was enough to pay for my journey here, and it’s enough for the room. It’ll be enough to live on while I figure out what to do.” I give him a wry smile. “But certainly not enough to pay for Spearcrest tuition fees.”
