AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You’re asking me to the dance as—what, as a…” I hesitate and decide to proceed with caution. “As a friend?”
“No, not as a friend. As a date. Asmydate.”
We look at each other. Of all the things I expected, this was the very last of them. Zachary, though, is full of fervent conviction, that disturbing self-confidence I envy so much. Unlike the other boys I’ve watched ask girls to the dance, he’s not blushing or making excuses. There isn’t a hint of anxiety or embarrassment to chink that impenetrable aura of determination and certainty.
For a moment, I fumble through my thoughts. Sirens wail in my head, warning me to be alert, to be sharp, to be cautious. Reminding me of my father’s words, his warnings.
I give Zachary the safest answer I can think of—the truth.
“I’m not allowed to date.”
His eyebrows raise. Faint surprise registers for a moment, then is immediately erased by a calm smile. “That’s fine. Are you still allowed to go to the dance?”
“Yes.”
“Are you allowed to go with a boy?”
“I suppose.”
“Alright. Well, would you like to come to the dance with me as my date for the dance? We don’t have to do anything else. It doesn’t have to mean anything else.”
I stare at him. His serenity and sincerity is nothing short of disturbing. His unshakeable calm is somehow making me feel more unnerved and nervous by the second.
“I…” Again, I make sure to be cautious. I don’t want to be rude, or unkind, or insensitive. The honesty with which Zachary approached me deserves a courteous response. “Would you not rather ask someone else? A girl who’s—well, allowed to date?”
He shakes his head. His eyes don’t leave mine, not for a second, the golden-brown depths of his irises a glimmering pool for me to drown in.
“No. You’re the only girl I intended to ask. There’s nobody else I wish to go with, and therefore I won’t ask anybody else.”
My heart is so tight I’m convinced it’s not even beating. I have the sinking feeling that something incredibly important and meaningful is happening. Zachary, with that unswerving intensity of his, has somehow taken me by the elbow and led me through a gateway of sorts, a point of no return.
I swallow. “But what if I say no?”
He waves a hand. “If you say no, then it’s a no. I’ll go alone.” He tilts his head questioningly. “Are you saying no?”
Going to the Summer Ball with Zachary is the only thing that makes sense. Out of everybody in Spearcrest, he is my true peer, my true equal. My relationship with him, as strange and fraught as it is, is the only relationship I have in Spearcrest that is steeped in truth. His soul and my soul sit across the chessboard of life, and everything between us is the game, each move real and urgent. Nothing with him is a shadow of a thing. It’s all real.
Going to the dance with him wouldn’t be real, though. It would be a shadow. I can’t be his date for the dance because I can’t be his date. Whatever happens between Zachary and me, my father’s voice will always stand between us, asking,Are you a whore?
Saying yes to Zachary wouldn’t be truthful, and it wouldn’t be fair.
“I’m saying no.” I sigh. “I’m sorry, genuinely. But it wouldn’t be right.”
“That’s fine,” he says. “You don’t have to apologise to me. Well, I should go.” He tilts his head and one corner of his mouth lifts slightly. “At least I got a compliment out of it.”
I swallow around the sudden lump in my throat. “You should ask someone else.”
A serene smile blooms on his face. “I won’t.”
He walks off with a casual wave of his hand. The rays of sunlight fade as he leaves. I look up at the cupola with a frown. Clouds, dragged by the wind, have hidden the sun away, taking away its warmth.
I resume reading Keats, but his poetry, too, seems to have lost its warmth.
Chapter 8
Alone Together
Theodora
