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“I mean to sleep—not to study.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “Are you going straight to sleep?”
I smile and extend my hand out between us. “I will if you will.”
She hesitates, looking down at my hand. I sense her exhaustion because it feels the same as mine. She takes my hand and shakes it. “Deal.”
We part ways outside the library.
“Goodnight, Theodora.”
“Goodnight, Zachary. Sweet dreams.”
I cast her a look of surprise, taken aback by this gentle goodbye, but she’s already turned away.
That night, I fall asleep fast, and my dreams, not daring to disobey her, are sweet indeed. I dream of Theodora half asleep and tender and dressed in nothing but moonlight, and I wake up hard and full of desperate longing.
Chapter 12
Elusive Angel
Theodora
Year11isrelentlesslyhorrible.
Endless studying, endless work, endless parties. I’m voted head girl, which also means more responsibilities, meetings with the other prefects, with teachers, with the school leadership team.
My father insists I perfect my Russian, so I’m taking my Russian GCSE as an independent candidate on top of all my other GCSEs, which means taking online classes with a tutor and practising with Inessa for hours. I’m forced to drop out of most clubs, aside from the debate team, since I’m still the captain of my team.
Everyone is stressed this year—and the coping mechanism of choice is sex. The days in Spearcrest are intense, especially in the top classes—and the parties match that intensity. Everyone is partying hard when they can, and I can’t blame them. For them, it’s an outlet.
I don’t have an outlet.
I go to those parties and stick to my limit of three drinks. Any more and I risk being drunk—and being drunk at Spearcrest means being filmed by no less than a dozen people. Too many scandals have erupted after footage from a party was posted online, and I’m paralysed by the fear of my father ever finding such footage of me.
I wish I wasn’t so scared. The idea of letting loose grows more tempting as the year goes on. Even a single night of freedom from the constant stress and anxiety would be a godsend at this point. Would the payoff be worth the risk?
I don’t think so, and I’m not going to find out.
As depressing as it is to watch everyone have fun at the parties while I remain rigidly in control, it also comes with a gift of its own.
Just like I’m friends with the most popular girls in the year, Zachary is part of a small and elite group of boys, the Young Kings of Spearcrest. That group includes Séverin Montcroix, the heir to the aristocratic Montcroix family; Evan Knight, the star athlete of Spearcrest; Luca Fletcher-Lowe, the fencing champion and heir to the Novus group; and Iakov Kavinski, whose father is even more powerful in Russia than mine is.
Zachary has little in common with them—he outshines them all in intellect, manners, and pure quality of personhood.
The Young Kings represent everything you would associate with wealthy, privately educated boys: they are entitled, arrogant, horny and immature.
I imagine Zachary is friends with them in the way I’m friends with Giselle and the others—because social ties are a necessity like food and air here at Spearcrest. When I see him with his friends, it’s obvious he’s not like them—I often wonder if he feels as alienated as I do.
If he does, I can’t tell. But one thing I can tell is that Zachary isn’t as averse to partying as I am. Maybe he drinks because he, too, wants an escape from the stress of Year 11. Or maybe he’s drinking to keep up with his friends—but he drinks and plays party games, and I never see him leave a party before I do.
This is unexpected, and at first, I’m a little disappointed in him—until I realise the position of advantage it puts me in.
For one, while Zachary is nursing hangovers at weekends, I get some extra studying time. Since all the Young Kings seem pretty determined to sleep their way through the year group, I’m certain Zachary must also be trying to keep up with that aspect of his social life, so that’s even more time he won’t be spending studying.
And last but certainly not least, there’s delicious power in being sober while someone is drunk.
Idiscoverthatdeliciouspower at the Year 11 unofficial Halloween party.
