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I’m gay. No changing that or excusing it away.
That’s not what makes me different from everyone else. I’ve just always been an outsider without a home, without a family. And I always will be, no matter how hard I try to be part of something bigger.
* * *
RJ
On the third night sharing my house with Thane, I get to shower without waiting, then eat the leftover steak alone in the kitchen without any interference.
But when I turn off my bedside lamp and lay my head on my pillow, I keep hearing the muffled sound of people talking and even people shrieking.
Since my dad isn’t home, I know it’s not coming from his room.
Getting out of bed, I stomp over to the guest room.
There’s a dim, flashing light coming from the doorway, most likely from a television. I’m surprised his door is open, that he doesn’t want privacy since he’s in someone else’s house.
I stick my head in to yell at him and find Thane under the blue-and-white striped comforter, his bare, tattooed arms propped up behind his head. What little I can see of his chest is bare too, so I’m guessing he’s not wearing a shirt.
I shouldn’t be wondering if he’s wearing pajama pants or underwear under the covers.
He looks up and sees me, then immediately drops the remote to reach under his pillow. Weird, but whatever.
“Your television is loud as fuck. Could you turn it down?”
“Really? You think I’m being loud?” Picking up the remote again with his other hand, he hits a button to kill the volume, which is when I hear them. Or her. Lyla moaning and shouting my brother’s name.
“They’re louder,” Thane says before he thankfully turns the volume back.
“Ah, yeah, that’s…I wouldn’t want to hear that either, but I’m trying to go to sleep.”
“You got any earplugs or wireless headphones for me?”
“No.”
“Then we’re both shit out of luck.”
My shoulders slump because the truth is, I’m still feeling wide-awake. I’m just frustrated, and I don’t know why. Still, I take it out on Thane because I was perfectly fine until he came along. “You know what, I haven’t had a single good night of sleep since you showed up!”
It’s not just the nights that he invades. I can’t get him out of my head during the day either. It’s why I fucking injure myself doing stupid shit I know better than to do in the garage.
“What the fuck is your problem with me?” Thane asks, as if it’s not obvious.
“You know what my problem is!”
“I apologized for the kiss and the kidnapping. What else do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know. Leave?”
“Trust me, I would if I had anyplace else to go!”
That statement takes my anger down a few notches. “You don’t have anywhere else to go?”
“Would I be here of all places if I did? You hate me, your brother hates me. Lyla just feels guilty…Whatever. I missed the rent payment while I was in the hospital, so now I’m homeless.”
“Homeless?”
“That’s right. Homeless. Something you’ve probably never had to think about since I’m guessing you’ve lived here with your brothers your entire life.”
