Page 29 of Tearing You Apart


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The guard at reception told me he had been clean since he’d been in prison, but I didn’t trust it. He hadn’t seen the lengths Goss went to to get drugs. I was with Goss during the long public trials, watching him in withdrawal, fighting his addiction, and spitting abuse at anyone who came near him. The ugliness that spilled from him helped me see who he really was, but even then, I ignored his hate for Cat, assuming he’d say anything to get another fix.

The fluorescent lights hummed, hurting my eyes with their intensity. The room stunk of plastic and bleach — cheap plastic floors, plastic furniture, and probably plastic on the walls as well.

Goss shot me a snide grin, staring at me as I slid into the seat in front of him, the wide table separating us. I scowled as he spread his arms, the slow clink of the chains sharp in the room.

“Welcome to my office, Mr Rider. How may I assist you today?” He leant forward on his bony elbows, resting his chin in his palms, blinking up at me innocently.

Whatever had happened to Cat was Goss’s fault. He was the one who drove her away. He was the reason my life had collapsed so suddenly. Through my time of mourning, when my parents died and after Cat abandoned me, he was the one comforting me. And it was all a fucking lie.

Goss’s smile widened, and he burst out laughing. “Oh, come on, Max. Don’t be so grumpy. Haven’t you got a hello for your closest friend?”

He straightened, watching me.

“We haven’t been friends for a long time.” My voice was heavy and rough, scarred from Cat’s fingers. I almost couldn’t speak. I kept my fists clenched under the table, restraining myself.

“Hmmm, you’re so moody nowadays,” he whined, his lips pursed. “It’s almost like you’re not happy to see me.”

I kept staring at him, outraged. How fucking dare he comfort me through my losses when he was the one who made her leave? How the fuck had I been so stupid? I didn’t see he was manipulating me into believing Cat had dumped me until years later. I’d let him whisper cruel comments about how she hated us, how she never loved me, how she was waiting for the opportunity to abandon me, and I believed him.

What the fuck had he done to her?

“Well, come on, out with it,” Goss said, flourishing his hands. “Why are you here? It can’t just be because you wanted to show off your brand-new scarf?”

It had been two days since the engagement party, and my throat ached constantly, the pain a reminder of her. I was hiding the marks with a thick red tartan scarf I’d grabbed from the bottom of my closet. I don’t even remember where it came from. I liked it because it was big enough to cover the top of my chest and the bottom of my ears.

I’d spent hours both mornings just watching myself in the mirror, addicted to feeling her with me, hearing her voice, dreaming of her descending on me. Today was the first time I’d left home since then. I’d told the guys I was feeling ill; if I tried to sing like this, I’d fuck myself up.

“Not exactly,” I growled out, hating that I couldn’t give a full answer.

It hurt to simply breathe. Speaking was almost off the menu. I’d been driving myself crazy, desperate to know what had happened, even though it hurt too much to talk. I could have called him, but I needed to look into Goss’s eyes when I heard the story.

“Ah! He speaks!” Goss spread his open hands out in a circle like a magician revealing his last trick. “And why do I have the pleasure of your company today, of all days,Maxxy?” His face split into another cruel grin as he stressed the nickname. “Oh yeah, I saw the article from your little engagement bash. Cute, really. You couldn’t have chosen a better bride. I can only imagine how delicious she is. Tell me,Maxxy, do you still have time to fuck her while you’re recording the new album? I remember how busy we used to be. All that work and so little time for pussy.” He licked his lips.

Goss was another reason I’d been dragged into this marriage with Bunny. Even though our fanbase was still strong, our numbers had dropped when Goss started to lose it.

“Stop.” I tried to hide the shoot of pain that ran through my throat and up to my ears.

“Aw, did I hit the mark? Is that why you’re here? Your sweet Bun isn’t fulfilling you, so you’ve come to visit your old pal?”

I gritted my teeth. I forgot how grating Goss could be when he was in a mood. He could talk people around in circles for hours.

He blew a breath out the side of his mouth. “Anyway,” he tutted. “I guess you’ll be off her for a while since our darling Kitty Cat has returned to the fold.”

I froze, shooting him a stunned look. “How did you find out?”

“Seriously, mate, you’ve gotten way slower since we last chatted. Didn’t you see the news?” he snorted at my blank expression. I’d just assumed it was all about me and Bun. “Man, you’re not great at this, are you?” He shook his head, smirking. “All those sparkling celebrities, and they still grabbed a hot,hotbody shot of the gorgeous Ms Catherine Fischer. As soon as I saw it, I thought to myself, boy, am I glad I’m locked up so I don’t have to endure watching you two moon over each other like you used to. Christ, that was sickening.” He paused his rambling to shoot me another smile. “Ooooh, yeah,that’swhy you’re here, isn’t it?”

I was grateful I could barely speak. I couldn’t launch into an angry rant about how he’d fucked up every aspect of my life, and I’d only found out the extent of it two days ago. Even through all the pain and hate that flowed from him during the years of his addiction, I still held onto those memories of us as kids running around the council estate, pretending to be cowboys or pirates or rock stars, whatever we wanted to be. We dreamed big and stuck together. Or, at least, I thought we did.

“What did you do to her?” I choked out.

“Oh no, no, no… you’re gonna have to be more specific than that.”

“Why did she leave?”

“Eeeh, still not helpful. Come on, Max, you can do better than this.”

“What did you do when you went to pick up my boxes from her flat back then? Before she vanished?”

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