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“That is none of your business,”She mumbles.
“Like hell it isn’t.”
Charlotte jumps to her feet,her arms crossed over her chest as she stares up at me. “Why do you care then? What is the point of any of this? It’s not like you and I are together or anything,” she blushes. “What I do or don’t do with Lance is none of your business. You made that very clear on the boat.”
“I… You know why…”
Sighing,Charlotte’s voice reduces a level. “Yes, I do know why and I understand. Truly, I do. But I’m trying so hard, Chris, I’m trying not to dwell on my feelings for you. I’m trying to think about anything else but you, and it hasn’t been easy. Seeing Ellen touch you…” she swallows. “Seeing her touch you was too much for me to bear and it made me realize that my feelings for you have gotten too strong. That, maybe, I need to start entertaining the idea of being with someone else. Maybe that would make things easier.” She shakes her head and drops her hands. “You and I have barely said one word to the other in four weeks and the first time we have a conversation, it’s a bloody argument.”
Unable to resist,I pull my hand out of my pocket and cup her cheek gently. “It hasn’t been easy for me either, Charlotte,” I whisper to her and watch her eyes flutter shut. “I miss you, I miss us… I miss the way things were when no one else was around and it was just us. And I realize how selfish this must sound, but I can’t bear the thought of you being with another man.”
Her eyes flicker open,those beautiful green eyes staring deep into my soul. “I guess I’m being selfish, too.” She lets out a sharp laugh. Her hand comes up to cover mine, holding it in place against her cheek. “What are we doing, Chris?”
“I don’t know.”
I’m too damagedto love her the way she deserves to be loved, but that doesn’t stop me from being overwhelmed by her presence. Everything about her feels like home to me, and I so badly want that to be my reality.
But that cripplingfear holds me back and I’ve let it fester for so long that I don’t know how to fight it. All I know is that I want her unlike I’ve ever wanted anything else.
We don’t sayanything as we stare into each other’s eyes. And like puppets being controlled by invisible strings, we are drawn to each other. My eyes fall to her lips and she rises on her tiptoes. I slide my other hand around her waist, pulling her completely against me, ready to feel her soft pliant lips on mine. I feel her breath on me and my heart beats faster the closer her lips come to mine.
However,the kiss never comes. We hear voices on the other side of the door and footsteps approaching.
I closemy eyes and let my forehead meet hers. I take in her smell, the feel of her skin against mine, and just her… then, I plant a kiss on her forehead and take several steps back to see her smiling back at me sadly.
When the others spill in,I walk away and I don’t look back.
15
CHARLOTTE
It’s been six weeks on this research fellowship and those six weeks have been exciting, informative, intriguing, and pure torture. The last one has everything to do with Christopher Young and my growing feelings for him.
After our encounter in the bunker room two weeks ago, we had sort of come to a silent agreement that whatever it is between us has to stop. It has been painful, but necessary. Yet, knowing that he is just a few feet away from me and being unable to do anything about it makes me sad and angry.
It doesn’t help that all that my female colleagues seem to be able to talk about in our free time is how hot the “boss” is. There’s also Ellen who keeps sending flirty glances his way and giggling annoyingly at every word that comes out of his mouth. Luckily, she hasn’t been bold enough to touch him again since that day.
Prior to this, I never thought of myself as the jealous type. I was usually pretty rational about things like that, but when it comes to Chris, rationality always seems to be the last thing on my mind. If I could, I would have him all to myself.
However, I don’t let my jealousy stop me from listening attentively to Ellen addressing us. I stand with the other researchers and students, dressed in a top and jeans with a long, white lab coat over it. I jot a few important things down in my book as well.
Eventually, Ellen claps her hands together and flashes us a big, pretty smile. “Now, I know that our PhD candidate will be returning to New York for a one week break for school-related purposes in two days’ time. All I’m going to say is that you shouldn’t get too relaxed or you’re going to return and it’s going to be hard to get used to this place all over again.” Murmurs rise among us at her words until she claps her hands together again and silence ensues.
“Also, don’t forget to bring me a Big Mac and double shot espresso on your way back,” she jokes and laughter erupts. Even I snicker a little. If she wasn’t so blatantly interested in Chris, I could actually like her.
After a few more words, we are dismissed and my colleagues and I head to the dining table for lunch. Two spoons into my warm soup and I can’t stop myself from doing a quick search for Chris. I haven’t seen him since this morning but that should be due to the new supplies arriving. He’s always busy at times like this.
I’m about to take my third spoonful when I get a whiff of a pretty familiar scent coming from beside me. I look up to see Lance taking a seat beside me while the person that was next to me scoots further to the side. “Hey, Lance,” I greet slowly, raising a brow at his action.
Contrary to what I told Chris about possibly moving on with Lance, that hadn’t been my plan when we first met. It had just been nice to meet the only other PhD student in aquatic microbiology from my university. Although I made other friends, being friends with Lance came effortlessly.
What I didn’t account for was the clear desire in his eyes whenever he is with me. And believe me when I say I have tried to reciprocate that desire, but all I’m left with is an empty feeling because he isn’t Chris.
“Hey, Charlie,” he replies with a grin. Then, all of a sudden, his poise is gone and he becomes nervous. He wrings his hands together. “So, I was wondering…” he starts just as the alarm starts blaring to announce the arrival of the supply team. “Since we will be returning to New York in two days’ time, would you, um, would you like to go out on a date with me?”
“Hello everyone, who missed me?!”
That voice…
