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It is the same mantra in my head when morning comes and I make the decision to go after the woman I love and hope she takes me.
I think of her while on the boat, I think of her when I arrive in Hawaii, I think of her on the plane to New York, and I think of her even when I’m faced with my past. My past takes the form of my ex-wife, Zoe, standing right in front of the home we once shared.
“Christopher…”
I expect to feel anger, rage, sorrow, or even nostalgia when I see her but I feel nothing. That is the power of love, I realize. “Zoe,” I whisper the name of the mother of my child. “What are you doing here?”
Dark-haired and blue-eyed, I used to think Zoe Crawford was the most beautiful woman I’d ever set my eyes on. But it turns out I was wrong. There’s nothing beautiful about her, there’s only bitterness, hatred, and greed in those eyes.
She has aged now, just like me, but it looks like she is barely hanging on. And the makeup applied on her face to hide the aging lines is her only armor.
Her lips, painted bright red, spread into a smile. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”
I dig through my pocket with the hand that isn’t holding my suitcase to search for my key. When I find it, I walk past her and get a whiff of her signature perfume that once filled our bedroom.
“Come on in,” I invite as soon as I open the door.
Zoe masks her shock at my invitation well and steps into my house. She pauses for a second, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath in. She opens them back and stares at me. “I’ve missed this place.”
I drop my suitcase on the floor and head to the kitchen island to get a glass of water, being fully aware of her following right after me. “That doesn’t answer my question, Zoe.” I pour water from a jug into a glass and gulp it down in one take. Then, I wipe the residue off my mouth before turning around to face her. “Why are you here?”
She shrugs causally, her fingers playing with the strap of her purse. “Like I said, I missed this place.” She looks around, then back at me. “But it’s not the only thing I miss, Christopher. I miss us, what we had, I miss our life together. And I miss our daughter, Ava, too.”
At her words, amusement grows within me and I burst out in laughter. My laughter grows when her face takes on a scowl. “Oh, Zoe, you always did excel in humor.”
Glaring at me, she says in a forceful tone. “Don’t be rude, Christopher. This isn’t a joke.”
I take a menacing step towards her, no longer in the mood to play nice. “Oh, it better be a joke, woman, or you will regret ever stepping your two feet back in here. Do you understand me?”
“Christopher, please…”
“Do you need money? Is that it? Did your lover truly abandon you for a younger female like the rumors said?” I lash out and watch her bristle with zero sympathy for her. “So, you think you can just waltz back in here after twenty years and act like nothing has changed? I knew you were a lowlife but I never imagined you going this low.”
“How dare you?” She yells at me while her hands shake uncontrollably.
“No, how dare you?” I set the glass on the counter before my angry fist shatters it. Zoe isn’t worth it. “How dare you mention her name? Are you not ashamed of yourself? Do you have no dignity? After what you did, it just wasn’t enough and you still tried to take her away from me. And what, you miss the life we had? This is low, Zoe, even for you.”
“I’m sorry, okay. That’s why I came, to apologize for everything. I was wrong and I had no right to do what I did. I’m sorry.” Her lips quiver and her eyes shimmer with tears, but I’ve seen Zoe’s fake tears on several occasions, including when she lied blatantly against me in court, so this doesn’t move me.
I dip my hands into my pockets, watching her with nothing but cool indifference. “You know, I used to think about a day like this. I always told myself that when this day finally came, I would show you a taste of your own medicine. But seeing you standing here like this has made me realize that I actually don’t care.” I release a sharp laugh. “I don’t care enough about you to hear your apology or offer you forgiveness. It’s not that I don’t think you deserve it, I just don’t care to find out. So, get out.”
Her eyes grow wider and she becomes desperate. Zoe approaches me quickly and grabs my arm as she falls to her knees. “Christopher, please. You don’t understand.”
“Tell me then,” I reply coldly. “Tell me what I don’t understand?”
“He took everything, Chris, everything and he gave it all to her. I have nothing left, no money, no life, and my daughter hates me.”
I yank off her hand and watch her fall, catching herself with her hands. Crouching before her, I watch the tears fall from her eyes. “You went to see Ava? You really are unbelievable, Zoe.”
She raises her head. “I had to, I didn’t know what else to do and I knew coming to see you was out of the question.”
“Yet you came anyway.”
“I was hoping she wouldn’t remember or she would have at least missed me enough to forgive me. But our daughter only looked at me the same way you are doing right now before sending me out of her apartment. She said her mother is dead, Chris. She looked me in the eyes and said that.”
“Can you blame her? She was only four when you disrupted her life for your own greed. What did you expect?”
Zoe clasps her hands together. “Please, Chris, if you could just talk to her… I’ll do anything, I just want my daughter back.”
