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Confused and hurt, Brian ran his hands through his hair and took in deep breaths. He knew something bad was coming and this was it. How could he have hoped to compare to her having a successful career? He should have known he was never going to be good enough. How are they going to work it out? How would they be in the same company?
“Did we ever really have a chance? Was I kidding myself all of that time? Was I the fall back in case Pilar didn't like After Hours?”
Jessica grabbed his forearms and held on tight.
“Brian stop! This is all happening all at once and it's something that we can talk through, but I need you to wait.”
“Wait! That's the problem. That's what I've been doing this whole time.”
“Okay, maybe wait was the wrong word, but we need to be able to work through this.”
“There isn't anything for us to work through. What needs to happen is you need to figure out what you want to do.”
“Really, you're going to boil it down to something as simple as that. What are you asking me, Brian? Are you asking me to choose between you and my career? Do you think that's fair in any which kind of way?”
“No, I don't want you to make that decision. All I know is it just seems as though you have so many choices and so many options. In all of those choices and in all of those options, I'm not a factor. I know you're saying that it's unfair that I want you to go ahead and do this right now. The crux of the matter though is this, if you had asked me if it was worth me walking away from my career to be with you, for us to stay together, hands down I would tell you yes.”
It was as if Jessica stumbled back away from him.
“You'd do that for me?”
“I love you, Jessica. If you loved me the same it wouldn't even be a question.”
“Brian —”
“Maybe you're right, Jessica. Maybe what we need to do is to think about what both of us really want.”
“Don't give me an ultimatum, Brian. I don't do well with them.”
“This isn't about an ultimatum or trying to force you to do something. Why don't we take tonight to think about what the both of us want and in the morning I'm going to go on the drive to my meeting. If you come by for breakfast, I’ll know what it is that you want. If you can't come by for breakfast, then I'll know you need some more time.”
Brian's heart was splitting open as he was having this conversation. He had never felt so deeply in love with someone, and it was all falling apart right in front of his eyes. The words wouldn't stop coming out of his mouth. Each one seemed more accusatory than the last and even though he could hear it, he couldn't stop himself.
He felt as if he was on a rollercoaster ride where he couldn't get off.
“Brian, I love you.”
Brian didn't say anything, he just waited.
“Fine, we'll do this your way this time but in the future the both of us will have to have a say on how things are worked out. I need you to be able to trust me, Brian. Everyone else passed me over and wouldn't give me a chance, they wouldn't trust me to do what it is I said I would do. I would hope that the man that I love has enough faith in me to trust me.”
“I think the whole meeting you for breakfast thing is crazy but if that's the way you want to do this, then fine, I'll see you in the morning for breakfast.”
Brian looked at Jessica and drank her in from head to toe. He was so scared that this was going to be the last time that he saw her.
“I hope I see you for breakfast in the morning, too.”
Walking away from Jessica was one of the hardest things that he ever had to do. He was so angry and hurt and wanted everything to be fixed now. He knew it was the lack of control of the situation that was making him act this way, but there was too much on the line. He needed to know if he was a backup in case her career plans didn’t make it. He loved her too much not to know where he stood.
He wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight, not when his whole life was being decided in the morning.
Chapter Nineteen
Why were men crazy, and why did she seem to love the craziest one of them all?
Jessica jumped out of bed and put on the only dress she had with her. This was a business trip so there was no reason to have a bunch of pretty dresses. She wanted to look pretty today. She was going to have breakfast and he was going to remember how silly it was to have the argument in the first place.
Beth was already up and moving around. Jessica was focused on getting to Brian. After she had gotten dressed and ready to go see Brian, Beth appeared behind her. Standing in the doorway, Beth leaned against the door jamb with her arms crossed over her chest.
