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"I’m Princess Dakota," she said, distractedly, as she laid the baby back in the crib. "I mean, just... Dakota," she whispered, desperately trying not to heave again.
"What is it?" the boy asked. "Princess Dakota or Just Dakota?"
"She’s a princess, Lucas, can’t you see? Her hair is long. Can I see how long your hair is, please, please, please?"
"My name is not Lucas. I am a Dragon Slayer." Lucas, aka the Dragon Slayer, informed her with his hands on his hips.
Dakota could not stop a massive dry heave as she inspected the contents running down the front of her clothes. Oh, god, she felt it drip down her back as well.
Princess Charlie rolled her eyes and shook her head, then seemed to notice the puke on Dakota and how Dakota wanted to throw up, which in turn had the little girl doing the same.
"Oh, no, sweetie." Dakota tried to console Princess Charlie. She couldn’t handle another kid's projectiles right now. "It’s okay. "I'm..." she began, then made a horrible sound as she tried to cover up her gag reflex. "I’m going to clean it up, okay?"
Princess Charlie started to cry because she didn’t want to vomit. That set the baby off, so she started to howl. Princess Charlie was now on the floor, wailing her heart out as she heaved.
She needed to get at least one of them to stop crying.
"Look. You wanted to see how long my hair is?"
Dry heave. Swallow. Balk. Fuck.
She pulled the band from her ponytail, and her long hair cascaded down her back.
Nooo.
She'd gotten puke on it as well.
Don’t think about that.
"See?" she said to Princess C, but the girl was inconsolable.
Somewhere in the background, Dragon Slayer decided he was going to come to the rescue. With his water gun.
"No, no," Dakota said to him as he squirted a stream of water at her before he ran out completely. Thank goodness.
Princess C wanted her to take the puke away while she continued to try very hard not to throw up herself.
Dakota had no choice but to whip off the offending garment covered in baby puke, leaving her in her too-small bra that made her boobies pop out as if they were fighting for air.
"See? It’s all gone—"
Shit.
Where did Dragon Slayer go? She needed to calm Princess C down, but she also had to pick the baby up again. Where was Dragon Slayer?
Dragon Slayer decided he needed more ammunition. She caught him with his gun, emptying a bottle—the most elaborate bottle she had ever seen because it had a dragon wrapped around it—of what could only be alcohol that he clearly mistook for water because it was clear.
"Lucas, no," she cried. But it was too late. The little boy took aim and drenched her in vodka. And then she had no choice but to pull Princess C into her arms and shield her from being soaked in alcohol as well.
"It’s Dragon juice. Beware," he shouted, shooting alcohol at her.
The only silver lining in the whole messed up situation? The baby had swapped crying for giggles instead.
And that was how they found her.
In her bra, soaked in vodka. Her hair was a wild mess and also dripping with alcohol.
But despite all that, her world as she knew it tilted forward before it started spinning madly on its axis. There wasn’t enough air in the room. Her knees were going to buckle. Again. Her cheeks were on fire. Her body started to tingle from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toes.
