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Fear.
What I was feeling had everything to do with the trauma I still dealt with. Trauma I had yet to deal with head on. I knew I needed to sort my shit out, but first, I needed to talk with the man who I couldn’t stop thinking of. The guy who made me feelbeautiful. Who saw me forwhoI was, and didn’t see my accomplishments as deterrents or obstacles. Travis saw them for what they were: achievements to be proud of. Sitting there, listening to two of my favorite people gossip about my life, I realized something. Travis was the guy I’d always wanted. The dream I thought I’d found in Dennis. Travis was the guy who saw past what other guys feared. Who would love me forwhoI was and not who he wanted me to be.
Settling in, I resumed eating my whitefish and chives inbeurre blancsauce. I decided to just enjoy the rest of the night and come this Friday, have that talk with Travis. After all, he deserved some clarity and I deserved to move on. If only I hadn’t chickened out and avoided him instead.
nineteen
Dee
“Thisplaceisloud,”I griped as Runa and I climbed up to the stairs that led to the VIP lounge where Jason and Casey were holding their combined stag and hen party. Everyone they knew was invited and according to my best friend, we were all guaranteed to have a good time. Why they choose a booming, packed-to-the-rafters dance club since neither of them liked clubs? That was anyone’s guess.
As if sensing my question, my sister piped up, “Casey told me the guy who owns this place is a friend of Jason’s. He offered the place up as a pre-wedding present. Apparently, they go way back, even though Jason’s a couple years older. Something about how the owner-guy used to manage the restaurant where Jason used to work when they lived in New York City.”
“That’s what she told me too.” I paused and took a second to look around. The club was your quintessential nighttime hotspot filled with writhing, sweaty bodies. Alcohol flowed freely from the neon-lit bar, and while overly loud, the music had a good, strong beat that made you want to move your body.
“You’re not thrilled to be here, are you?” Runa knew me too well. I mean, sisters should. She knew Ihatedplaces like this, especially the crowds. The only time I could tolerate a lot of people in one place was when we went to the ball field. Wrigley and Guaranteed Rate Field didn’t trigger my social anxiety the way this closed off space did. I felt like a sardine packed in amongst many.
“Not really. I still hate the loud music and the crowds, but the VIP section is closed off, so no one else but our group can get in. Once we get up there, I don’t think it will be that bad.”
Runa and I made it to the top a few seconds later. A big, burly bouncer named Axe stood guarding the entrance that was blocked off with a velvet rope.
“Names?” A smaller, less-imposing man stood next to the mountain, holding a clipboard.
“Deandra and Runa Cavanaugh,” I gave him our names. Clipboard Man scanned the sheet in front of him before nodding to his counterpart.
“Let them in,” he said politely. Any sign of his previous attitude was now gone.
“Thank you,” Runa and I replied in unison as Lou Ferrigno’s twin gently undid the rope and motioned for us to head on in.
The VIP room was stunning. Modern and sophisticated, the room consisted of dark walls, black marbled floors, expansive lounge seating, and a black lacquered bar with soft recessed cream-colored lighting. Together, it all produced a posh, inviting feel.
“This place is awesome!” Runa gasped as she began to point out the overhead lighting. Each fixture was made of platinum-colored rods dotted with a series of small pinpoint bulbs, all bunched together.
“Oh my gosh!” my sister gasped not more than a few seconds later. “I think the light fixtures are supposed to resemble constellations.” Suddenly, her hand gripped my bicep and squeezed. “They are! Look! That one’s Perseus and that one’s Andromeda!”
Although excited, Runa’s voice was edged with sadness. I thought back to her college years and the guy she’d fallen hopelessly in love with. They had been inseparable through their first semester. Runa had literally sparkled as she told me how they’d met in their astronomy class. How that led to them spending hours studying the skies and how he’d regaled her with Greek myths. Sadly, he was also the same guy who suddenly dropped out of school without a word, not knowing he’d left her with something to remember him by. Their son.
“Are you okay?” I asked as her eyes turned liquid with memories.
“Yeah. Sometimes I can’t help it when the memories get to me. I'll be alright, though. That was a long time ago. I’m sure he doesn’t ever think of me, let alone remembers me. There’s no point in dwelling on it. Besides, I see a lot of hot guys and there’s an open bar to help me forget how that dickhead broke my heart.”
“That’s my girl!” I clapped her on the back. I was proud of my sister. Instead of letting herself be defeated by that douchewad again, she’d forged ahead like a champ. Just like she had back then.
After dropping out of college, Runa moved back in with our parents and worked with our adopted dad at his funeral home, writing obits to build a nest egg to take care of her and her baby. Caleb had been born on her twentieth birthday and despite how much she complained about not being able to finish school, Runa had no regrets. When asked, she stated proudly that she’d do it all over again if it meant she got her son. Caleb was her world and she’d worked like a dog to provide for him. She did all that while going to school and earning her degree through the local community college before earning her BA online.
Recently, her load had gotten a bit easier. Her work as a freelance editor and casual blogger had caught the notice of the online food magazine, Delicious Eats. Specifically, its editor-in-chief and famous food blogger, Haley O’Brien Alexander. Haley had personally reached out to my sister and brought her onto their roster. Runa now wrote what was Haley’s old column, giving my sister a much needed, much desired steady writing gig. In addition to that, Runa had just finished copyediting and proofreading the second book for an author whose first book had hit number one on the world’s largest online retailer. That’s right. My sister was also Casey’s editor and proofreader. Runa’s fortune had changed for the better because after years of struggling financially, things were looking up. My sister was ready to take on the world.
“You don’t mind if I go and mingle, do you?” Runa asked as her eyes flicked back and forth between the bar and the dancefloor.
“Absolutely not! You’re single and you should mingle. You go ahead and get your cute butt out there. I’m going to go find Casey and get myself a drink.”
“Don’t forget to find Travis so you can have that little talk.” My sister eyed me, knowing that despite my promise to clear the air with him, so far, I’d chickened out.
“I think I need a drink first. Or several.” With that, I left my sister to her own devices and headed for the bar. The young, heavily-tattooed bartender smiled and greeted me as soon as I arrived.
“What can I get you, gorgeous?” His moss green eyes shone in the soft light as I asked for a lemon drop martini. I always liked starting off with something sweet if I was going to drink and I always stuck to liquor instead of beer. Since Runa and I took an Uber here, I saw no reason to stay completely sober. After all, I needed a little liquid courage for what I had planned.
“Oh my god!” An arm slid around my waist as a pair of lips pressed against my temple. I turned my head just as Casey was bringing it in for another kiss. One that landed on my eye instead of my temple. She and I both busted out laughing as the bartender handed me my drink with a wink and the request that I wouldn't be a stranger.
