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“My daughter loves her,” I blurted out. Even though Amie had met Dee a couple times, she was crazy about Dee because she never treated Amie like a little kid. She saw Amie for the person she was and respected that.
“Dee’s crazy about her too. When we ran into her and your parents at dinner the other night, Dee spent a good chunk of the evening talking about how much fun she had with your little girl and that she hoped she’d get a chance to see her again.”
Hearing those words made my heart sing. A woman who could love my child and treat her like she was her own was one I wanted a future with. “So, if I ask your sister to be my girlfriend, you won’t have a problem?”
Runa laughed and shook her head. “Absolutely not. In fact, if you were to eventually bump that girlfriend status up to fiancée, I’d be thrilled.”
My chest ballooned with a combination of joy, happiness, and expectation. Having her sister’s approval meant everything, but I knew there was still one obstacle in the way: Dee’s fear of being rejected again. As Runa and I took a seat to wait for the nurse, I vowed to never give her a reason to ever be afraid again. By the time the nurse appeared and escorted us to Dee’s room, I’d cemented that vow and promised myself that nothing would ever make me break it. Wild horses couldn’t drag me from my Dee. I belonged at her side and that’s where I would always be.
twenty-three
Dee
“Thanksagain,Travis,”Runathanked sweetly as she hopped out of the backseat and came to the front passenger side to help me out. I was weak after spending the night in the ER, getting loaded up with a bunch of medicines, and drinking past my limit. When the doctors and nurses had let my sister see me, the first thing she did was chew me out for not eating. She forced me to admit that all I’d had for dinner was one of those strawberry grain bars I loved. She followed that chiding with a lecture about how not eating had led to health troubles for our mother and really, as much as I didn’t want to, I needed to hear it.
Travis, however, was everything I needed. He’d been nothing but supportive throughout the whole ordeal. Runa told me he’d been there the entire night and that when she got to the hospital, he was about to explode because no one would tell him how I was. She also let it slip that the nurses were moments away from calling security because of the major stink he’d been causing.
My heart squeezed inside my chest at how he sat by my bedside throughout the night, holding my hand and feeding me sips of water when I woke up with a dry throat. I was thankful for how he had kept watch over me during the party (Runa told me) and got me out of there so I wouldn’t get hurt. Yeah, Runa told me that too. The best part was hearing how he’d clocked that P-O-S that kept hitting on me. Ireallyliked that. From what Casey texted, Travis punched the guy twice and knocked him to the ground. According to their friend Ty, I wasn’t the only woman he’d hit on last night. Apparently the creep had offered several women a hundred dollars each in exchange for sucking him off in the bathroom.
As much as I appreciated Travis having my back, I was scared shitless. What if it all went belly up like it did last time? What if I bonded with him and his little girl and someone else came along and he left me? Someone better and he decided he wanted more? Or God forbid, his ex-wife? What if he decided having her in Amie’s life was for the best and he wanted to try to work things out? Where in the hell would that leave me? All alone again with another broken heart. That's where. I didn’t know if I could go through all that again. No one but Runa and Casey knew, but I barely survived the end of my relationship with Dennis. If Russell’s offer hadn’t come when it did and if Casey hadn’t practically helicopter-parented me, I would probably still be lying in my bed, staring blankly at the wall as I wondered why I wasn’t good enough. Why wasn't I the kind of girl that didn’t intimidate men? Why no one ever wanted to stick it out? All of it was too much.
As I sat next to Travis during the ride home, I’d tried to school my features as all these aggressive thoughts assaulted the inside my brain. Each one preyed upon my insecurities and left me feeling worthless, like I was the least desirable woman on the planet. Even though I knew it was just the negative side of my brain being an absolute shit to me, I couldn’t help but surrender to its onslaught of hate.
“Dee?” Travis’s deep voice was soft as it cut through the storm of negative thoughts currently swirling through my head.
“What?” I turned my head to find him watching me with such tenderness it made me want to grab his face and kiss him until we were both breathless.
“Do you need me to help you to the door?” Travis reached out, picked up my hand, and held it within his. The warmth from his giant palm was soothing compared to the cold chill that constantly skidded up and down my back.
“No,” I said too quickly as I pulled my hand from his. “I—I got it.”
Travis didn’t push me. Instead, he got out, came around the front of the car, and opened the door, holding it so I could climb out easily and make my way to my front door.
“Runa,” I called out. “Remind me to call work.”
“I called him, but Casey got the jump on me and told him what happened. Russell said for you to take it easy for as long as you need.” He made no move to follow me, but instead shut the car door and went back to the driver’s side.
“I will.’ I nodded weakly as Runa came back and wrapped her arm around my shoulders.
“Call me if you need anything.”
“She will,” Runa answered in my stead. “I’ll make sure of it.”
“Promise?” he said sweetly. I glanced up once more to find Travis following my every step as Runa escorted me towards my front door. Even though he’d schooled his features to look outwardly calm, I saw worry swirling in the beautiful brown depths of his eyes.
“I promise, and thank you.” I waved and gave him a weak smile. It was all I could muster after having spent the night at the hospital. Travis acknowledged me with a nod before climbing back into his SUV. He left it turned off as he watched Runa and I disappear into the house. Once the door was shut, I went to the window and watched as he leaned forward and rested his forehead against the steering wheel for a moment before lifting his head back up and turning the engine over. A few seconds later, he reversed out of the driveway and drove down the street until he disappeared from view.
While my sister busied about behind me, I kept staring out the window, silently willing him to come back, to go to my room with me, and hold me while I slept. Yet my fear of rejection soured my belly until I was certain I was going to vomit again. Feeling tired, I told my sister I was going to go lie down. Runa promised to check in on me in a little while and left me to go rest. As I lay in bed a few minutes later, I swore that as soon as I felt better, I’d woman up and talk to Travis about us. I’d tell him about my fears, my reservations, and my hopes. He deserved to know how I felt about him. I’d kept him hanging on for long enough and after the way he stepped up, he deserved to know where we stood. My eyes fluttered closed as I thought of telling him that I didn’t just like him as a friend, but that I liked himmorethan a friend. Maybe, possibly I even loved him. But when it came down to the wire, I did none of those things. I continued to bury my head in the proverbial sand and ignore him until it came to a point that one of us broke. Little did I know that Casey’s wedding was not just the time, but also the place.
twenty-four
Dee
“Ladiesandgentleman,”theDJ announced as he cut the music. Everyone inside the reception hall went silent. “Please allow me to introduce, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Jason and Casey Walker!”
It was finally the day of Casey and Jason’s wedding and I couldn’t be happier. Those gathered cheered as my best friend and her husband walked into the reception hall, hand in hand, looking happier than anyone had the right to be. I clapped before giving them a few wolf whistles. Hearing me, Casey looked my way and laughed, beaming with happiness. I waved back and mouthed, “I love you!” as they made their way to the top table and again as the speeches began.
It had been a week since the night of the party and my unexpected visit to the hospital. I’d taken the last week off from work not because I was still feeling the effects of my allergic reaction. It was because I was an absolute chickenshit and wanted to avoid Travis. It wasn’t that I wasn’t like I wasn’t ready to talk to him. I was, mostly. My stupid fear of rejection and getting hurt again was the culprit. Despite my best efforts, it had taken charge and currently called the shots. Runa had been over and chewed me out over lamb biryani for my lack of follow through. I knew I was in the wrong. Travis deserved to know how I felt but I just couldn’t get past this. I couldn’t let go and just trust him not to hurt me.
