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“It’s not him you don’t trust,” Runa had snapped as she pointed her fork at me. “You don’t trust yourself.”
“What did you just say to me?” I stared at her, annoyed that she’d just call me out like that.
“You heard what I said,” she said in between bites. “You don’t trust yourself to just let go and live again. You’re clinging to some ridiculous assed fear and using it as an excuse to not move on.”
Runa was right, of course. I couldn’t deny what she said because it was all true. Iwasusing my fear as an excuse to not take the next step. My fear had become a convenience shield to kid myself that I wasn’t really living. I just thought I was. And that had to change. I had every intention of changing that tonight, but so far, I continued to hide in the coop, feathered-tail tucked between my chickenshit legs.
“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” The crowd chanting knocked me back into the presence. Everyone raised a glass while Casey leaned in and kissed her husband. Cheers erupted again as I stole a glance at my surroundings. Champagne flowed all around me, but I hadn’t touched a drop. Getting drunk and not knowing about the elderflower tonic in my drinks left me with no desire to drink ever again. Instead of going for the premium bubbly, I’d stuck with mostly sparkling water, as well as apple juice and frozen strawberries. Jason’s friend, Jack, was currently playfully taking the piss out of the groom when something cold and clammy slid across my back.
“What’s this? A beautiful lady looking sad and all alone on such a happy occasion?” An obviously intoxicated man said as he dropped down into the seat next to me. I didn’t even bother to acknowledge him, choosing instead to focus my attention across the room where Travis stood chatting it up with several of our mutual friends.
Why did Travis have to look so fucking hot tonight? It would have made it a lot easier to ignore him instead of stealing glances at him every few seconds. Our eyes met briefly as he looked up suddenly. It’s like the manknewI was thinking about him. His eyebrow arched up as if to say, “Let’s talk.” I immediately looked away, pretending I hadn’t seen him. My cheeks burned with a mixture of embarrassment over being caught and because of this unwanted glut of unsatisfied desire.
“Pfft. Not worth the effort, frigid bitch,” the dude who’d intruded upon my solitude muttered as he got up and moved on to seek out his next target. Ignoring his rude comment, I blew out a hard breath as my attention flicked to where my best friend now danced with her newlywed husband. Just behind them, Ty and Runa were fighting. Surprise, surprise.
My laugh burst out of my mouth as a seething, red-faced Runa got right into Ty’s face, poking him repeatedly in the chest as she chewed him out. I giggled again. It was only a matter of time before those two fell into bed and picked up where they left off all those years ago. Anyone with eyes could see they still loved each other. They just didn’t know how to get over the hurdle that currently stood in their way. They’d get there, though. Knowing my indefatigable sister, they’d get there. I continued to sip on my apple juice and munch on the strawberries as yetanotherslimeball guy approached me.
“What is it with these creeps?” I mumbled as yuck-o number whatever made his move, obviously thinking that his well-practiced lines would be enough to entice me to spend the night with him.
Nope. I don’t think so.
Even though I was avoiding him like the plague, the only person I’d consider going anywhere with was Travis. I knew from the kiss he’d planted on me that he could do wonderfully wicked things to me and I’d enjoy every fucking minute of it. The guy who’d approached me was still speaking, but I’d reached my fill of bozos like him. I cut him off at the knees.
“Don’t even bother.” I raised my hand, indicating that not only was Inotinterested, but he was wasting his time. The guy walked past me, but not before winking at me and saying he’d seek me out later.
“The hell you will,” I mumbled again as he headed towards the back corner, headed for a small group of women. I heaved out a deep sigh as yet another arm slipped over my shoulders. This time, though, the person it belonged to was more than welcome to touch me.
“Hey,” Casey said sweetly as she kissed my cheek and gave me a one-armed squeeze.
“Hey, yourself,” I said back. “Aren’t you supposed to be dancing with your husband? And that’s not champagne.” I clarified as she reached for my apple juice and knocked it back like a shot.
Casey grinned as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Jason’s in the bathroom and I know it’s not champagne. I wouldn’t have drank it if it were.” Setting the flute down, Casey grabbed the attention of a nearby server and asked for two more juices, both with extra strawberries. The young, blue-eyed blond winked before promising to be right back. He returned not more than two minutes later, armed with a bottle of crisp sparkling cider, two fresh glasses, and a heaping bowl of strawberries. Casey thanked him profusely, turning his already pink cheeks to bright red. The server left, but not before stating he’d be back later to check on us. I stayed quiet while Casey poured us each a glass and plopped several of the sweetened berries into the liquid.
“You know, Travis keeps looking over here at you.” My friend pointed out as she took a sip. “Are you still not talking to him?”
I shook my head.
“Why?” Casey shot me with an incredulous look.
“I have no idea, except for the thought of making myself vulnerable again scares the shit out of me.”
“He’s not Dennis, Dee. I don’t know how many times I’ve got to say it. Travis is a good guy. He wouldneverdo what that butt-munch did. He cares about you too much,” Casey stated before resting her head against my shoulder. “And honestly, if I were in your shoes, I couldn’t think of anybody better to give it another go with. Travis is a good man. He’s got his life together. He’s a great dad. Got a great job. Financially stable, and look at how patient he’s been, especially when you know other guys would have cut and run by now.”
Didn’t I know it. Travis was playing the long-game rather than the ‘Let’s-see-what-she’s-got. Oh-wait-she’s-too-much, I’m-not-interested game.’
“You’re right. He’s great,” I confessed as I glanced up and immediately spotted him standing off on the sidelines chatting up Craig from work. “I—I just can’t get past this stupid fear. I know I sound like a broken record, but I can’t help it. It’s like my fear’s got a death grip on me and refuses to let go.”
“Then you’re going to have to pry its cold, crummy fingers off of you one at a time until you’re freehand then go claim your man,” Casey said knowingly. It’s what she did after her world imploded and her subsequent rebirth brought her back to the love of her life.
“I know, it’s just . . . how? How do I do it? I’m so scared to have it all go wrong. I don’t think I can go through that again, Case. I’m not sure if I’d survive another broken heart.”
“You listen to me.” My best friend shifted in her seat so we sat face to face. “You are a strong, confident, talented woman. You’ve survived one of the worst things a woman can ever experience and you’re here to tell the tale. You also have a hot, sexy ass man waiting to shower you with love and give youallthe orgasms. One wholikesyou for everything you are. One who is turned on by your strength and your brains, not intimidated by them. Now, as your wedding gift to me—”
“I already got you your wedding gift!” I exclaimed, about to remind her but Casey pressed her finger to my lips and told me to shut up.
“Then consider this my second wedding gift.” The corner of her mouth turned up before she smiled a sly, knowing smile. “As yoursecondwedding gift to me, I want you to go talk to him. It doesn’t have to be tonight or tomorrow, but soon. Neither of you deserves to sit on opposite ends of the teeter totter, just sitting there going nowhere. You deserve to be seated together, making out at the top of the Ferris wheel!” she stated before picking up her glass and clinking it against mine.
“I have no idea what that last part means, but okay,” I gave in easily. “I’ll talk to him.” Casey’s eyebrow rose up in warning. “I’m not just saying that either. I mean it. I’ll talk to him. I don’t know when or how, but I will. Just . . . just not tonight. I’m tired and I think I’m going to go back to the bed and breakfast.”
