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The motherfucker.
I KNEW IT!
I fucking knew it!
“YOU!” I growled, instantly recognizing the condescending dickhead who’d tried to pick me up the night of the wedding’s meet and greet. The same dickhead who so crassly dared to ask me for a blowie right in front of everyone. What in the fuck was he doing here? Didn’t guys like him only fly first class? What the hell was he doing in coach? You know what, I don’t care. All I cared about right now was that Lucas’ best man, a self-admitted manwhore, general creep, and king of all arrogant shitheads, Ryan “I’ve slept with everyone in Manhattan” Harper, was seated directly behind me. And glaring at me with murder in his eyes.
Likewise, jackass. Likewise.
“I knew it was you!” he spat back. “Only you would talk that loud on a crowded plane without thinking about how it might ‘bother’...” The asshole dared to use air quotes on me! “...the other passengers.”
“And only a giant prick would eavesdrop on other people’s conversations! You are so friggin’ rude!” I hissed, furious I’d be forced to spend the next several hours trapped on this flying tin can with him.
“Who are you calling a prick?” Ryan shot back venomously, his hackles thoroughly raised.
“You! I’m calling you a prick, you PRICK! You know, as in the appendage between your legs? The one you love soooo much. The one you so generously share with others.” I kept my sight laser-focused on him while ignoring the dozens of faces watching us. Some sat riveted, enthralled by the drama playing out. The rest, a blind man could see, were annoyed and seconds away from turning us into one of those videos that gets millions of views on YouTube.
“Excuse me, miss.” A soft, feminine voice suddenly interrupted our exchange. I turned at the touch of a gentle hand tapping my shoulder.
“I know, I know. Tone it down because we’re disturbing the other passengers.” I raised my hands in surrender, knowing that if I didn’t cool it, I’d be kicked off the flight, more than likely fined, and forced to find alternative transportation home. Thanks to Lucas’ generosity, the cost of this flight hadn’t been paid for out of my very tight, very dusty, wallet. If Ryan managed to get me kicked off the flight, I’d have no choice but to call my brother Vinnie and beg for a bus ticket home. I didn’t even want to think about how I’d have to kiss up to my boss to make sure she didn’t fire me...
“Um, yes, that would be nice,” the flight attendant stumbled verbally as I shot her with my most fierce glare. My stomach ignited as her eyes darted over my shoulder and locked onto Lucas’s best friend. “But that’s not why I’m here.” She blushed from being caught staring. With a quick clearing of her throat, she straightened herself, smoothed the front of her uniform, and got down to business.
“Oh? Then why are you here?” My eyebrows raised in surprise.
The flight attendant’s expression grew serious as she continued. “It appears that coach has been oversold.”
That wasn’t what I was expecting.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” I threw my hands up in the air and caught Ryan’s slimy grin widening from out of the corner of my eye. “Man, this weekend just gets shittier and shittier. This is ridiculous. You people let me board a sold out flight? And I’m the one being asked to leave?”
“Ma’am, I’m—”
“Just save it. I don’t want to hear any excuses,” I snapped hard. After this weekend, I was ready to give it all up and go live like a hermit in our family’s cabin in Maine near the Canadian border. “Are you seriously telling me you’re kicking me off because you guys don’t know how to keep track of how many tickets you’ve sold?” I spat, furious that things like this always seemed to happen to me. “This is ridiculous. I knew it! I just knew I’d get screwed over! I can’t win for shit.” I grumbled as I picked up my bag and prepared to follow her off the plane. I fully intended to make a very dramatic scene along the way. Not to mention the nasty-gram email I was going to send to the airline. The one I was already composing.
“Actually,” the flight attendant said with the utmost professionalism, giving me no sign she was intimidated by my unruly behavior. “I’m here to let you know that we’ve upgraded you to first class.”
Hold the phone, Joan.
Say what?
All it took was hearing the words ‘first class’ for my mood to immediately improve. Suddenly feeling ecstatic, I turned and offered Ryan the fakest, most condescending smile I could muster.
“You’re upgrading me?” I couldn’t believe it. All my bravado was temporarily gone as I gawked at the perky blonde who just wouldn’t stop blushing and sneaking glances at the dickwaffle behind me.
“Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to me! I mean, I thought I was going to spend several hours sitting in front of the most obnoxious man in the world and then you come and tell me I don’t have to. Instead, I get to sit in a nice, quiet seat while sipping champagne? You’ve made my day.” I flashed a generous smile. “Oh, and bye-bye, Ryan. I hope you enjoy the rest of the trip. I know I will.” My lips dripped with saccharine sweetness before grabbing my other bag out of the overhead department and following the attendant to my new, upgraded seat.
“I hope you’ll be comfortable. Enjoy the flight.” My escort smiled as she got me positioned next to a window and thrust a mimosa in my hand. I thanked her profusely, delighted that not only did I not have to fight for an arm rest or worry about some bozo drooling on my shoulder, but I had a ton more leg room, a drink resting in my hand with the promise of more, an empty seat beside me, and I was miles away from the man who’d quickly become my mortal enemy. Life could not get better. This is just what I needed after dealing with that clusterfuck of a wedding and having to go back to work the day after tomorrow.
The plane took off without issue and soon, we were on our way back to New York. Flying first class was definitely not overrated. Even though we were only a few minutes into the flight, I knew I was spoiled for all air travel from here on out. I could easily get used to this type of luxury. I was just settling in when I picked up on a pair of soft whispers behind me.
“You’re so welcome,” a female voice cooed. “And I’m a big fan. I never miss a game when I’m in town. I’m always saying that you sure know how to use your… stick.” I recognized the flight attendant that had shown me to my seat. Swallowing the urge to gag, I did my best to ignore the sounds of her overzealous flirting.
“Thank you again, Melissa. That’s such a beautiful name. Has anyone ever told you that? I’m thinking that we should have a drink after we land. What do you say?”
And just like that, my good mood was gone. I bristled recognizing Ryan-the-douche macking hard on the dumb woman stupid enough to fall for his pathetic charm.
“Oh, we should definitely have a drink. Maybe you’d care to join me in my room? I hear the minibar selection is excellent. Better than any bar in town.” Her voice dropped an octave. Throaty. The sultry tone was too much like the score of video porn stars I’d heard screaming from the computer speakers in my brothers’ rooms growing up.
