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“No, Tazeem,” she desperately shook her head. “That’s not-”
“Get the fuck out of my house!” he ordered.
“T-”
“Get out!”
“Tazeem, just give me a chance to explain myself,” she pleaded even as she stood.
“You don’t need to explain. I understand you more than you think.” Fury burned in his gaze as he continued, “You’ve always thought of me as irresponsible and sex-starved. I bet that’s also why you thought I’d be a bad father and didn’t deserve to be in my son’s life. I get you.”
“No-” She paused then corrected, “Okay, I won’t lie. That was how I thought back then. But I don’t think you’re like that anymore, and I do want you to be a part of Jay’s life.”
“It’s interesting that your opinion of me only changed once I found out Jay was alive.” He scoffed. “Who are we kidding here? I bet your only motive in coming here was to make sure that I don’t cause too much of a fuss and that I don’t take Jay away from you.”
She heard everything he said but the last part was what caught her attention. Alarm shot through her, and she gasped, “You want to take Jay away from me?”
He made her sweat for a long silent moment before saying, “No. Unlike you, I realize that my son needs both his parents in his life.”
“So you’re going to come back and see him?”
“Yeah.” He added, “But keep this in mind; I don’t forgive you. I will never forgive you. You’re a cruel, hateful monster who made me grieve when I didn’t have to and made our child grow up without a father when he didn’t have to. I will NEVER EVER forgive you. Now get the fuck out of my house.”
16
S
URPRISINGLY, CHESS’S VISIT LEFT TAZEEM feeling a lot better than he had in the last three days. He didn’t know if it was because he’d gotten to say everything that he wanted to say to her. Maybe it was because he’d seen just how sorry she truly was. Maybe it was the sex.
Or maybe it was all three at the same time.
Of course, he was still angry with her; first for hiding his son, then for thinking that sex would fix it. But that anger was now a quiet hum rather than the violent hurricane that had been wreaking havoc within him.
After she left, he cleaned up his house, took a shower, then ate. Two hours later, he was feeling almost himself. That’s when it hit him.
He and Chess hadn’t used protection.
“Damn it!” He cupped his face in his hands.
Why was it always like this with them? Whenever they were in the throes of passion, the only thing that mattered was being connected. Condoms always became an afterthought. Their recklessness had led to Jay. But they were older now. They should know better.
With a sigh, Tazeem grabbed his phone and turned it on.
Apparently, the world couldn’t function without him because a multitude of missed calls and messages tumbled in. He searched for Chess’s number and was about to call her then realized that calling her might make her think that they were good. So instead, he sent her a message.
‘We didn’t use a condom,’ he texted.
Her response took a while, and in that while the consequences of not wrapping up sunk in. What if she was already pregnant? Should they keep the baby? Definitely! They would definitely keep the baby. This could be his chance to be in his child’s life from birth.
Already, he could imagine how that would be. Being there during the delivery, holding their newborn in his arms, and hating yet somehow still loving the new-parent hustle of middle-of-the-night wakeups. Tazeem smiled as he thought of all the things that would come with having a toddler; playing with the little tyke and enjoying his or her giggles, being there to celebrate their first steps, soothing them after their first fall.
He would teach their child how to ride a bicycle, how to swim, and how to tie their shoes. He would carry them on his shoulders and hug them every day just to show just how much he loved them. Already, he could imagine coming back home from work to be welcomed by joyful giggles, pattering, little feet, and tight hugs…
The ping of his phone yanked him back to earth. Chess had sent him a message.
‘Don’t worry,’ she texted back. ‘Already dealt with it.’
His face fell as his imaginary child disappeared like bubbles on a hot day. His brain recognized that this was probably for the best, that bringing a child into the world when their relationship was so acrimonious was a bad idea. But his heart ached at the thought of just how much he could’ve had if they had another baby, and how much of his existing child’s life he’d missed.
