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"Crap," I whisper, my stomach twisting. I guess I really didn't think this through when I decided to ask him my question during his livestream. There's a reason I'm so careful about what I share. I'm a dancer, not a circus act. I signed up to be a dancer. I don't want to look back a year from now or five years from now and despise my career because I have no privacy.
I've been so careful to maintain that balance because I wasn't built to be a celebrity. I'm not even sure I was built to be a social media star. I was built to dance and to teach dance.
But is building my career worth sacrificing everything? If it means I tiptoe through life like I'm on a tightrope…is that worth it? I wanted balance, but I think maybe I strayed too far in the opposite direction. I need to course correct and learn moderation.
I'm just not sure how to do that with the whole world now watching. This could get messy. Fast.
Chapter Five
Madden
Madden
I check my phone for the nine thousandth time, hoping to see a text from Olive. I've texted her twice today, but she still hasn't responded. I'm beginning to worry that she's ignoring me intentionally.
I'm guessing she's probably freaking out about the whole goddamn world losing its collective mind over the two of us. It's ridiculous. We're two consenting adults who made two comments on my livestream. And yet you'd think we fucked in the streets for the whole world to see.
There's a reason why people go to sex clubs like Dionysus, where everyone signs nondisclosure agreements and pay a fortune just to walk through the door. There's a reason why people ask a random stranger on the internet—me—their most burning sex questions but are afraid to admit to their fantasies with their names attached. There is a reason why women are afraid to admit they watch porn or read dirty romance. Other people are the reason.
We still live in a world where sex is a dirty word and kink is something to hide in the dark. People are more open now. We're making progress. But we still have a helluva long way to go. It's infuriating.
If anyone has something to say about me and Olive, they can say it to me. And yet they aren't. She's the one with a snark page going wild today. The only thing they want to know about me is who I am. That's it. She's brilliant, successful, talented, beautiful…and kinky. Today, people look at her and see the kink. Women, especially, aren't allowed to have those. Not openly, at least.
But I get a free pass. It's bullshit.
"Dear Mr. Dad Bod," Maddox sing-songs, popping his head into my office with a shit-eating grin stretched across his face.
I launch a pen at his head.
He ducks.
"Get out of my office."
"Oh, so you're cranky cranky today," he says, strolling in anyway.
Why did God give me a younger brother? All Malachi and I wanted was a dog.
"Yes, and you're already on my last nerve. So please leave and spare me whatever fucking migraine you're inevitably going to cause me."
"No can do. Malachi says I'm supposed to tell you that he's taking off the rest of the day. And also for you to handle your situation and stop being a dick to me."
"He did not say that."
"I may have added the part about not being a dick to me, but he said for you to handle your situation." He smirks at me. "He said a bunch of other bullshit about trusting him, but I wasn't listening. I was busy watching videos of your girl. She's talented."
"Maddox, get the fuck out of my office," I growl. "Before I throw you out the goddamn window."
"Jesus, Madden. What the fuck?"
"I woke up to the whole goddamn world going crazy and she isn't texting me back." I scrub a hand down my face. "It's driving me nuts."
"So issue a statement telling the world to get fucked. This is your life," Maddox says. "You make the rules. And in case you forgot, you have enough money to make a whole helluva lot of rules, brother."
"Maybe I should–" My cell rings, cutting my off. I snatch it off my desk, a weight falling from my shoulders when I see Olive's name on the display. "Olive," I breathe. "Baby girl."
"Hi. I'm sorry I didn't respond earlier. It's been hectic today."
"Are you okay, princess?"
"Yeah." She huffs out a breath. "It's been a weird day around here."
Maddox flips me the bird before slipping out of my office, leaving me alone. Finally. I love my brothers, but you can't really blame me for trying to trade him in for a dog at the pound when we were kids. Dogs don't talk. He never shuts up.
"I was worried," I admit. "I thought maybe you'd seen all the bullshit people are saying and freaked out."
