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I was hoping I’d have time to paint, and I had my eye on a small brown leather sofa from a local furniture store. But first, I had to get the place clean.
Grabbing the sub sandwich I’d picked up earlier from the local deli, I sat down at the kitchen table to eat and look through the stack of letters I’d found in a kitchen drawer while cleaning.
The pile was thick, a rubber band wrapped around it. I’d flipped through the pile when I found it, tears welling in my eyes when I saw my mom’s handwriting in the return address section of each one.
Part of me didn’t want to read them. What if the rumors about Pete being my father were true, and the confirmation was inside one of these envelopes? These letters weren’t intended for me. But my parents had left me with too many unanswered questions to ignore. I needed to know more, and these letters were my best chance.
I pushed the sandwich aside and opened the first envelope.
October 14, 1990
Dear Pete,
I’m sorry. I know those words will never be enough to make up for what I did, but I mean them.
I hope you’re well. I’m writing from Venice, Italy. We’ve been here for about a month, and both of us are working. The pay isn’t much, but it’s enough that we are able to travel on weekends. The gondolas—boats, not sandwiches, ha ha—are incredible. I thought of you on our first gondola ride and wished you were with us experiencing it.
I agonized over whether to tell you that and whether to even write this letter. But I decided to be honest and the truth is I love both you and Dave. I always will. When you and I got engaged, I didn’t realize how much I wanted to leave the Beard and experience the world. I want you to move on and find someone who loves you with her whole heart. You deserve that. But it was important for me to tell you I didn’t run off and forget you. I think of you often and I’m deeply sorry I hurt you.
Be well, Pete.
Amelia
February 16, 1991
Dear Pete,
Hello from Nazaré, Portugal. This little beach town is heavenly. It’s my first February without snow. We both work baking bread in a little bakery here and the kitchen feels like it’s about 100 degrees. But the evenings and weekends are worth it. The people here are so nice, and I love to watch the surfers take on the huge waves.
I hope you’re well. We plan to be here for at least another couple of months, so if you could write back at the return address, I’d love to hear how you’re doing.
Amelia
April 2, 1991
Dear Pete,
Thank you for writing me back. I feel terrible that you forgive me but not Dave. What happened was just as much my fault as his. We both love you and Dave knows that it’s only because you’re staying to run the Chronicle that he was able to leave the Beard. I won’t say anything more about it unless you want me to. I’d like to continue keeping in touch about our lives with letters.
We’ve had a great stay in Nazaré, but we’re ready to come back to the States. Our next destination is Key West, Florida. I’ll write to you when we arrive. I’m sending a photo of the beach here, isn’t it beautiful?
Amelia
I folded the letter and slid it back into its envelope. I already knew, based on my birth date of May 11, 1994, that my dad, not Pete, was my father. Though I’d already known deep down inside, it was good to have confirmation.
As I read the letters, I heard them in my mom’s bright, warm voice. I’d never expected to hear anything in her voice again—even if her voice was coming from inside my head. I wanted to tear through them, but I also wanted to read them slowly and savor each one.
I carefully opened the next letter.
December 7, 1991
Dear Pete,
Key West is a dream! I love the people and the weather here. I’m working as a waitress and Dave is working as a mechanic. We’ve made lots of friends and may end up staying here.
Just because I don’t write often, that doesn’t mean we don’t think of you. I hope you’re well.
Amelia
Feb. 12, 1993
Dear Pete,
I’m so sorry it’s been so long since I last wrote. Last June, we left Key West with some friends and made a trip across the country in a friend’s van. We saw so many places but never stayed anywhere long. We are currently in San Antonio but won’t be staying. I’m ready to find a place and be more settled.
I wish you could have seen the Grand Canyon. It was breathtaking.
Hope all is well with you and everyone else in the Beard.
