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*
I woke up to the faint smattering of rain hitting the tent.
I blinked drowsily a couple times and shifted slightly, instantly realizing I felt way too comfortable to move. Heavy too. I felt like I weighed a ton.
My mind was blissfully quiet.
I’d laughed and shaken my head when Roe had told me he’d informed his doctor that he had a severe case of anxiety about flying. It’d resulted in a prescription for some sort of sedative, which Roe only wanted to fall asleep easier. And last night, he’d given me one of those pills. Whatever it was, I would give it five stars.
I usually slept on my back, so it felt weird to wake up half on my stomach. But not as weird as the fact that I was sort of draped over Roe.
Christ, what had he buried us under? The inflatable mattress had become a familiar sensation; I slept surprisingly well on it. But the rest… Our clothes. I remembered stumbling into the tent. I remembered stripping down to my thermal wear, then unzipping my sleeping bag to use it as a duvet instead. I’d never enjoyed being confined in a closed sleeping bag. Roe must’ve done the same at some point, and he hadn’t stopped there. Hoodies, tees, and our jackets were strewn on top of the sleeping bags, applying some extra weight that felt weirdly good.
It was frigid outside, so the layers were nice.
I closed my eyes again and hoped Roe’s arm wasn’t hurting him. I must’ve used his shoulder as a pillow throughout the night.
I should be alarmed about that.
His chest rose with a deep breath.
I didn’t want him to wake up yet, though I understood it would happen soon. Dawn had arrived, and we had a long day of driving ahead of us. But not yet. I needed a few more moments of silence and tranquility. Last night had been the opposite, even after I’d calmed down. I’d had to come up with some bullshit he would believe, because when I’d mentioned suppressed memories, he’d jumped to conclusions and feared sexual or physical abuse. But I’d left it at memories of my parents’ religious teachings. The homophobia and whatnot. I was not gonna mention shit about my grandfather.
After that, Roe had forced me to eat half a hot dog and drink a bottle of water, and he’d given me the sedative.
Roe wasn’t too inquisitive of a person outside his job; he respected boundaries, so I hoped he wouldn’t dig for more information today. I didn’t believe he would, to be honest. What I’d admitted was bad enough—and in his ears too. It’d been kind of humbling to hear him curse out my folks last night.
Was that wrong of me? To feel protected in a way? To be comforted?
Maybe that was why I didn’t wanna leave this spot now either. It felt too good to be able to lower my guard a bit. The indulgence would end soon anyway. Let me enjoy it while it lasted.
“Go back to sleep,” I heard him whisper.
I exhaled and felt his hand brush along my back.
*
Never in a million years had I anticipated a trip to Scandinavia would wreck me, or at least put a dent in me. On the other hand, it put me back together too. In the northernmost part of Sweden, we were treated to a late-season Northern Lights show, and Roe and I sat on our snowmobiles in the middle of the tundra and just soaked it all up.
I kept my camera running, but this moment was mostly for me. For us.
One day, I wanted to bring my son to this place.
“I don’t think I’ve ever felt smaller,” Roe said quietly.
I hummed and took a sip of my hot chocolate.
“Small is my comfort zone,” I murmured. I took a deep breath and exhaled, and it looked like the mist mingled with the lights streaking across the night sky. Neon green danced with a deep shade of pink. “It’s reassurin’ to know I’m insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Less pressure.”
Roe was better at handling a life in the limelight. Not that we had too much of it, but I knew it was coming. Our popularity was growing every day. And still, while our phones went off around the clock at home, more offers coming through, more pitches, more responsibilities, more money, more everything, I felt like a fucking condor chick just flapping his wings and hoping for the best.
One of the many reasons I loved these trips. They were literally a break from everything. On location, I had to focus on filming. This was when our business was solely about Roe and me. My footage, his personality.
“Ortiz said we should bring someone else on board,” Roe mentioned.
I glanced at him and frowned. That sounded like the opposite of what I wanted.
