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***
I gave her time, then found her in the dark. I wasn’t sure if she was asleep at first, but when I set a bottle of Gatorade on the table beside her and lay down, she sniffled.
“Hey,” I whispered, resting my hand on her back. I rubbed up and down for a bit before she rolled into me and put her face against my chest.
“Not gonna ask ‘cuz obviously you’re not okay, but you need anything?”
“Thanks for being so nice to me, Jesse.”
I stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. “I brought you a drink.”
“Of what?”
“Gatorade.”
“Can I have some of your JD?”
“Sure can,” I kissed her jaw and went out to get her a drink.
When I was back, the lamp was on and she was sitting up, wiping her puffy eyes. I passed her the glass, and she downed the double I poured her.
And then she burst into fresh tears.
“Sorry,” she said.
“Let it out. Lay it on me. Get it out. Do not apologize.”
She stared for a long moment, then blew out a slow stuttered breath while dabbing at her eyes with a Kleenex.
“First time I got drunk was with Kailey on JD. Tailgate party. I was thirteen.”
I sat down and opened my arms. She fell into me before I got them all the way stretched.
“I know you guys aren’t a fan of hers but…”
“Say what’s on your mind. I didn’t know her, but I’ll listen. Might help to get it out.” I kissed the top of her head.
“She was a terrible influence. A total fuck up. She… she wasn’t always nice to me. Sometimes really not nice. But she also saved my ass a time or two. And then she pinned her hopes on me. Get her out of messes. Forgive her whenever she fucks up, which is often. Was often.” She took a shuddering breath. “Wanted me to become a famous singer and make sure she had no money worries. This shit… it should never have happened. But she wouldn’t listen.” She glanced up at my face and her chin wobbled.
I stroked her hair. “Can’t make people do what they don’t wanna do, G. Even if they fake it for a while, while they try ‘n be what they think they should be, they’re still gonna be who they are. Livin’ a lie because they’ve got blinders on or ruled by their vices, you know?”
She sniffled. “I can’t even come out of hiding for her funeral or I’m dead, too.” She scoffed. “What am I sayin’? She’s not gonna get a funeral. Her daddy’s probably still in jail, or if he’s out I don’t know where he is, and he probably wouldn’t come. We got him put in jail for what he did to her and what he tried to do to me. Her momma died. All she had was me. And her momma was there for me when I had nobody but Daddy, which was worse than havin’ nobody. I couldn’t abandon her. Not for Rhonda. Not for her, either.”
“You can give her a funeral when all this is over. We’re gonna make sure it’s over, Gigi.”
“And who’s gonna come? Me, that’s who. Nobody else’ll come. Because she pulled the kind of extreme nonsense she pulled with the club all the time. Screwing people over. Lying, stealing, shit like that. She never learned. So nobody will wanna come pay respects.”
“I’ll go. Be right beside you,” I said, tucking her hair behind her ear.
She stared a minute and then tore her gaze away with what looked like difficulty, growling, “Why the fuck did she not listen to me when I told her to get outta there?”
“Dunno, baby.”
“I know. She knew she couldn’t come to you guys, and you were the only ones who could’ve kept her safe from them. She knew nobody’d forgive her because she was part of what got Lick killed and Jojo hurt. But that wasn’t all her fault. They used her. She said they didn’t tell her why they wanted it filmed, never told me what they gave her in exchange for doin’ it, but she was rollin’ in dough for a few weeks after that. And of course I never heard from her until the money ran out. She had to know it wasn’t gonna go good for her, but she never thought it through, didn’t realize how bad it’d go. I warned her, told her to go hide after she ran out of whatever money they gave her, said she was scared of running into the Doms. Begged me to help. Said I’d try to figure it out like I always try to do, but she wouldn’t listen. They use her like that, a dirty sex tape that she knows is getting circulated and used to hurt people and she still doesn’t wise up? Lets herself get deeper with that shit even after Edge’s girl’s murder? She knew. She knew it was them even if no one admitted it around her. We all knew. I don’t know what the fuck she was thinking. Why she wouldn’t listen. She is so goddamn stubborn. Was. She’s gone.” She choked on a sob, then cried out, “I can’t believe she’s actually gone.”
