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Deke’s reaction was to mutter, “So, Deacon said you and Gia have gotten tight?”
My reply was, “Yeah.”
“She’s a sweet girl,” he replied. “And what she did, comin’ to us was appreciated, brother. If not for that… shudder to think. She has my gratitude. I’ll look out for her.”
“Her safety is a priority for me, Prez. It already was when you gave me the assignment, but now? Even more.”
“I get you,” he stated.
And I figured he had an opinion. I also sensed he wasn’t about to share without knowing more information, but he didn’t press, which was good. Because this thing was new, and I was in a strange position of looking after her safety while navigating the fact she was dealing with grief.
It was too soon for a declaration I was claiming her, but with the circumstances, it felt like it’d be happening anyway. I felt protective. I needed to know her better, get deeper to see if it would be something that’d stick. After the shit show of my last serious relationship and how that put me in a headspace where I wasn’t sure what it’d take for me to get deep with somebody again, I was surprised to find myself in this position. I only knew that waking up this morning finding she wasn’t beside me didn’t feel right. The curtains were again closed and for a change, it wasn’t that that didn’t feel right – it was that I was alone.
And when I found her sitting on the deck drinking coffee, staring into space with a can of bear mace at her side, I wanted to carry her back to bed, whisper words of comfort into her skin while I made her feel good. But when I greeted her with a kiss, I got a watery smile as her chin wobbled and her pain felt like it seeped into me and became mine, too.
So, I lifted her out of her seat, sat down and put her back on my lap. As she leaned into me, it felt right. The feel of her. The smell of her. A not-nice sensation I got from looking into her sad eyes. Eyes that’d taken on a whole lot more pain, even more than I’d even seen when I’d nearly been knocked over by it during our first eye lock.
And then a shroud came down and she was no longer leaning into me. No, she was shielding herself from me, and I didn’t fuckin’ like it.
I sat with that a minute before telling her I had to check in with Deke and then I’d know more about next steps. She moved to the chair beside me and asked if she could make some calls, then before I answered she amended it to wanting to see her aunt in person if it was possible. She explained this was the aunt who had taken her and Kailey in when Kailey’s mother died. I told her I’d make it happen and keep her safe. Her gratitude was clear as we sat a few more minutes before she announced she needed to shower. That was when I called Deke.
After I talked to him, deciding to spend tonight in the falls, I left her with my phone while I took a shower, hoping I was making my point that I trusted her.
The vibes I was getting from her left me unsettled. I knew she was grieving, I got it, and I wasn’t suspicious about her motives whatsoever. But something wasn’t gelling with us. She was behind a wall, and I wanted past it. I didn’t know if there was more for her to level with me about or not, but there was a distance between us that I couldn’t name; I only knew I didn’t like it.
It felt like we were on different levels about this thing between us. Was I not making my stance clear enough? Didn’t exactly feel like I wanted to spit it out when she’s less than twenty-four hours from getting the news her stepsister was brutally murdered. Beyond that, she’s undoubtedly thinking on the fact that she’s likely got a target on her back, too.
But there was something there beyond physical and the physical aspect alone was more than enough to make me want to explore things with her.
We packed a backpack with enough for both of us for one night as I proposed a plan to stay at the Sioux Falls clubhouse tonight and get back to the cabin tomorrow. She acted strange when I told her there was room in my backpack for a change of clothes and whatever essentials she needed for twenty-four hours, and as she quietly added stuff to the bag I caught sight of her fingers trembling, so I took over and zipped the bag up.
“I’ll need to bring my caboodle.”
