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I kept talking. “But tell me right now before I get anymore invested in this, because baby, I have no solid idea why, but I’ve got some vague ones and they’re strong enough I’m calling it. I want you to be mine.”
She continued holding my wrists. She was taking deep breath after deep breath.
“G, answer me, please.”
“If I answer the question, you’re gonna disappear in a puff of smoke.”
“What?”
“I…” she let that hang.
“Answer the question. I’m here. I’m right here. I’m not goin’ anywhere until you answer me.”
She shook her head.
“Are you gonna tell me you don’t want this?”
“I…”
I stroked her face with my thumbs. “Goin’ nowhere, woman. I’m here. Not just because Deke asked me to watch you. I’d be here right now with you even if he called it off. Here, somewhere else, wherever… but with you. Because I wanna see where this can go. When the war is over, when you’re safe, when the drama settles down – whenever the fuck that is. Wanna see how it’ll be if you stop holdin’ back from me.”
I waited.
And she just kept taking deep breaths. Her nails loosened their grip, so I let go of her and took a step back.
“Right.” I stated.
Her eyes filled with more tears and as one fell, she got toe to toe with me, and said, “I wanna be yours more than I want my next breath.” And she wobbled, like her legs were turning to noodles.
I caught her and pulled her to me, relieved that she finally found the fuckin’ words, because I was getting to where I was about ready to walk out the door and find a couch to sleep on.
“Your wish is granted,” I said, cockily.
“Wait.”
“Wait?” I asked.
She huffed. “I’ve got history with some of the brothers.”
“I don’t give a fuck about the past.”
She face-planted into me, trembling. I held her tight.
She clung to me. “It’s never gonna work.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because… God… I don’t get this. This isn’t for me. I wanted it and it’s slipped through my fingers too many times for me to believe it’s even an option anymore.”
A long minute passed. Then another. The crying wasn’t stopping, but neither was the clinging, so I needed to be patient. Not one of my strong suits, but I wasn’t finding it too difficult, surprisingly. Her face was buried in my neck. The front of my t-shirt was drenched with her tears and she was holding onto my leather.
“I don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow, G, but I know I wanna be here for you right now. I wanna help you get past this and see what we can be in the regular world. I wanna fuck you. A lot. Laugh with you. Play music together. Buy Fruit Roll Ups in bulk.”
She snickered.
“I can’t make you any promises except that I’m gonna be straight with you, no matter what comes at us. Yeah, I can be an asshole. No, I’m not a patient guy. I don’t sugarcoat anything.”
“No. It’s coated with salt.” She giggled and sniffled.
I scoffed then continued, “And I don’t give two fucks about who you spent time with in the past as long as that’s the past. Another thing… I’m not gonna let people fuck you over or treat you like shit. You think I can be an asshole with you sometimes, Gigi, just wait until you see how I treat people that try to fuck with you.”
Clinging to me, she whispered, “You’re too good to be true.”
I ran the pad of my thumb across her bottom lip. “I should add that I’ve already got a big ego, baby, been told it’s almost the size of my dick and just sayin’… you might not wanna feed that monster. I’ll say that just this one time. You feed it after this, it’s on you.”
She laughed. And she looked so fuckin’ pretty doin’ it that I wanted to throw her to the bed and bury myself inside her. There wasn’t time for that right now.
“I want your mouth, hostage. I wanna taste all of you, get lost inside you, but that’s gonna have to wait. I gotta see the brothers off; they’re gonna be leavin’ soon.”
“Jesse.” She held on even tighter.
“I’m here. You might break my ribs in a minute, but I’m here for two more minutes, then I gotta leave for fifteen. After that, we can talk all night if you want. Talk, fuck. Hopefully fuck more than talk.”
She loosened up but not by much.
“I feel like… like…” She bit her lip.
I waited.
“I can’t tell you.” She shook her head.
“Tell me what?”
She buried her face in my chest.
“With what I’ve been through, it’s hard to let myself believe. I’ve been burnt.”
“We’ve all been burnt.”
“I must seem so fucking pathetic right now. You’re probably sorry already. You probably wanna run the other way.”
