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“Might as well tell me who,” I muttered.

And as much as I shouldn’t give a shit, I found I suddenly did. I didn’t really want to fucking know, but I needed to know.

“Deacon. He was real sweet to me, but to my dismay the next day I found out he wasn’t interested in anything beyond a one-night hookup. He was real about it at least, unlike some other guys.”

“Okay.”

“A couple months later, I got into some group fun with Brady. I don’t remember much, we were all partying, but it was mostly girl on girl. Again, knew that wasn’t going anywhere. And definitely did some stuff with Brady but we were all wasted. It was just a tangle of drunken bodies.”

I grabbed my Coke and took a sip.

She twisted her fingers around while she kept going, eyes on her hands.

“Stayed away for a while after that, but Blow ran into me at my job while he was visiting an aunt. Asked me out to dinner. I thought it might actually be that he liked me. Went out with him a couple times outside the club and yeah, after the fourth date, slept with him. Thought it was going somewhere.”

I kept my eyes on her, but she wasn’t making eye contact. Her body language told me everything. She was ashamed of this.

“I wasn’t a virgin before we met either, Gigi. Don’t look so ashamed. Keep talkin’.” I wanted this conversation over with so I could try and fuckin’ forget it.

“Figured since he seemed to be taking his time that it was going somewhere. But then heard about a club bush party from Kailey who’d started hanging around the Doms parties, she had an off-again, on-again thing with Lick. I messaged him to say hi, hoping he’d invite me. He didn’t answer. I showed with Kailey and he not only had another girl on his lap, he acted like I was invisible. I called him out on it and got told the score. That he wasn’t gonna get serious with a club whore. That I was awfully presumptuous. Kailey wouldn’t loan me cab fare and it was a big bush party, so I was kinda stuck there. I got feeling sorry for myself, so I wound up getting loaded and fooling around with Rider that night in someone’s camper. I didn’t have sex with him, something came up and he had to go, but there was… fooling around. He asked for my number but never called me back after that.”

She took a sip of her water and then looked at me with fear in her eyes.

“What else?”

“I ran into Skip at another party at a friend’s house. Not a club party. We had words when I didn’t want to leave with him. He was an asshole when I didn’t fall under his spell… anyway, you get the idea.” She bit her lip and searched my face.

“There was some bullshit around that. Stuff it’s really hard for me to talk about, but… I steered clear of the club almost a year after that.”

“Did he rape you?” I demanded.

She winced. “I don’t wanna talk about this, but though he says it was consensual, I don’t remember it. I told him I never wanted to see him again. He maintains to this day that it wasn’t like that. I don’t remember much about that night.” She shrugged. “I don’t know if someone slipped me something or not. He swears he didn’t, but he was worried I was gonna spread it around. I think he was worried I’d say something to you about it.”

A growl rumbled up from the depths of my gut.

“I know,” she whispered, “I don’t want any drama. I just want to put it out of my mind. But he’s always trying to talk about it, convince me he did nothing wrong. So I stayed away for a long time. But then Delia asked me to come help out at a big club party when I ran into her in the mall. She was always so nice to me, so I went. And Skip was there. He got kind of aggressive with me in the ladies’ room at the Sioux Falls clubhouse about the past and my ass got saved by that ‘ol lady Trudy who told him to shove off and leave me alone. I… um… fooled around with Brady that night – again a group thing and I gave him a hand job while another girl went down on me. That sounds kind of slutty but … it was like that with Brady. With the girls. It was always just a laugh in his room, so every girl knew if they partied with Brady that’s how it’d probably go. It was just…”

“Harmless fun,” I offered.

“Yeah. And I kind of think I did it to show Skip something, I dunno. I fell asleep on a couch in a common party room that night and I was in a dress. I… woke up with a guy on top of me, tryin’ to… you know, get my underwear down. He wouldn’t get off me, so I started screaming and Deke came and pulled him off me.”

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