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I had no idea how my dad had reacted to me leaving so quickly because I’d asked Gayle not to tell me anything related to the office. No gossip on who was saying what about me, or what had happened after I’d stormed off. One way or the other, I didn’t care to know. Like I’d told my dad, it wasn’t as if I’d never talk to him again, but I needed some time away without any conversations. And it wasn’t as if he was calling me all day, every day, and I wasn’t answering. He hadn’t called. Not at all. But if I knew him at all, I knew he was waiting for me to come crawling back. Which wasn’t happening.
As for Pepp, our plan was to get him here with Gayle. She was about to ask for some of her vacation days and jump on a plane with Pepp, whose paperwork was ready.
Only one more week, I thought. I’ll be with him in one more week and then I would feel a little better and less homesick. That was the plan. As for William, I was trying my best not to think about him. Sure, I wanted to at least text and ask why… why say all the amazing things he had said to me if we were going to crumble at the very first blow? Was he still angry at me? Could I have said something that would have helped things?
I pushed out a breath. This was why I didn’t want to talk about William to Valerie and Ed. The moment I started thinking about him sadness would creep up and I didn’t know what to do, so I did my best not to. Unfortunately for me, it looked like I was going to do a lot of missing for a long long time.
I walked away from the door, mentally pushing everything that was William out of my head and trying to think of all the things I needed to get done for the day instead. Disappointment got me nowhere before and it wouldn’t get me anywhere now.
I had only taken a few steps towards the kitchen when I heard a knock on the door. Thinking Valerie had forgotten something, I rushed back and opened it without checking who was on the other side.
William.
It took my eyes a few seconds to realize who was standing in front of me. My mind blanked. He met my gaze steadily, hands in his pockets, expression unreadable.
Feeling something rise up inside me, I shut the door in his face as quickly as I could. Suddenly I was out of breath and out of words. Suddenly I didn’t know what to do with myself.
My mind reeled as I just stood there. The door was the only thing between us.
He didn’t knock again straight away, and I didn’t know what I should do, let alone how to move.
William was in California?
Then the knock came again. It was a tiny sound, as if he wasn’t sure if he should be knocking. I don’t think I would’ve heard it if I were further into the house.
I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what I could say if I answered. So I waited.
‘Charlie.’
When I heard my name, the lowest sound, I made it back to the door and rested my forehead against it. Remembering that just a week ago we were in the same situation, the only difference being we were across the country for this version of it.
I held my breath.
Longing. Deep longing filled my chest. Was he angry at me? Did he still want me? Was I ready to hear any of it?
‘I’m sorry I’m here so late. I hoped you wouldn’t turn me away.’
That’s all he said, yet it hurt my heart so much. Was I going to turn him away? How could he even think that? But maybe he was with his ex again. Maybe they had decided to give it a go.
So whatever he came here to tell me, I would keep my chin up and listen and then say goodbye if that’s what he had come here to say. At least this time around we would have that going for us. And then we’d move on. Or try to.
Taking a deep breath and letting it all out, I reached for the door and opened it. He was standing in the exact same spot, in the exact same position.
I made sure I was holding onto the handle so I could stand straight and meet his eyes. I hoped I looked strong and unaffected.
‘How can I help you?’ I asked and his face fell a little. Then he smiled a sad little smile that I didn’t return. Why did it feel like I wanted to cry? I was fine. I’d been fine all week. But he was standing right in front of me.
