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Taken aback by her admission, it took me a few seconds to process everything that she was saying and speak again. I wasn’t sure which end of the conversation to start on. ‘You… are better now? You made me sound like an illness.’
‘No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t feel that way towards you anymore, that’s all. Just wanted you to know so you don’t feel awkward about working with me or anything. If you don’t want me on your core team I’ll understand it completely. And about the crush; I’ll be moving soon anyway so it wouldn’t make sense to have a crush on you even if I had one – which I don’t.’ She paused, stood a little straighter. ‘That’s all. I just wanted to let you know so it’s not that awkward between us. Okay then. Bye.’
My frown got deeper as I had trouble following her one-sided conversation and digesting everything she was saying at the same time. ‘Slow down. You’re moving? When? Where?’
She nodded. ‘Yeah. Long story. I need to move, so I’ll move. Simple. And soon. I don’t have a set date. I need to find a job first. And there is a big chance I’ll move to Los Angeles or Oregon. Nobody here, my dad included, knows yet, so I’d appreciate it if you could keep that to yourself.’
‘I understand. I won’t tell anyone.’
She nodded again. ‘Okay then. We’re good?’
I nodded back.
‘Goodnight, William.’ As she turned around and let the door close, I grabbed it and opened it again before she could get too far away.
‘Charlie?’
She turned when she heard my voice, but instead of stopping she kept walking backwards. I looked around, but the cleaning crew were nowhere to be seen even though their cart was still in the same spot.
‘Yes?’ she asked when I didn’t go on, already halfway to her office.
‘I won’t feel awkward working with you, you don’t have to worry about that. I have a rule where I never get involved with colleagues, so we’re safe. And last but not least, I think we both know back then I had a crush on you as well.’
She stopped moving for what seemed like a full ten seconds, but was probably just a few, and we stared at each other. ‘You don’t have to say that, but you did and that’s fine. I don’t quite believe you, I think, since we both know how that went, but still it’s nice to hear.’ Then slowly she lifted her chin and gave me a warm, wide and beautiful smile. ‘It’s good to know. Great. Okay, then, I’ll just leave now. See you soon.’
She started with her backwards steps again and gave me a small wave right before bumping into her office door.
Hours later I was still smiling whenever she came to my mind. And she came to my mind more than once or twice. All in all, even with all the awkwardness and avoidance, I figured it was a good first day. It was actually a great one.
4 Charlie
After one of the most disastrous days of my life, I made it home in one piece. Barely, but still, it counted. I walked in to my dark apartment on the Upper East Side, as I did every single night, closed and locked the door. I flicked the lights on and rested my back against the door as I took a deep breath.
The weirdest and most awkward day you’ve had in a long time, Charlie…
When I finally opened my eyes I saw the clock on the wall had hit 9.30 p.m. I groaned loudly and dumped my handbag on my very comfy and deep couch that I was planning to get lost in as soon as I had something to eat in my hands.
As much as I had heard from my dad that maybe I should consider not eating after a certain time, there was no force on earth that would stop me from having dinner. Skipping a meal wasn’t something I ever did. And after the day I’d had, the least I owed myself was food.
Dashing into my bedroom, I took off my skirt and walked away from it. Letting the Titanic shirt drop to the tops of my thighs, because I wasn’t about to cook naked, I headed straight to my small but modern kitchen and considered my limited options. A salad sounded good, but I knew it wouldn’t sate me after the day I’d had. Pasta might not have been the best and healthiest idea, but it was the easiest.
After rummaging in my bag, I opened Spotify on my phone and hit play on my On Repeat playlist. As soon as I heard JP Saxe and Julia Michaels, I set it down and started on dinner. It took me twenty minutes to toss together a weird, but hopefully tasty dish that contained pasta, tuna, some lemon juice, parsley, salt and pepper and quite a lot of parmesan. I would have preferred a bolognese sauce, but time was a problem. As it always seem to be with me.
