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I snorted. “Yeah. Reservations. There’s a word.” I sighed bitterly. “Look. No offense, Dr. Bailey, but I don’t want to move past Atlas. I don’t want to forget him. He gave me some of the most wonderful moments of my life. Sure, there were bad things that happened. I’ve got the brand on me to prove it. But none of those were his fault. He kept me safe and called in help the second he could. If there was a delay, it was my fault. I wanted him to complete the work he was doing. I insisted. I still don’t know if they caught the Swede. Or what eventually happened to Dutch.”
Dr. Bailey smiled at me. “I’ll tell your father you’d like to know. I’m also going to recommend he let the two of you meet. Whether or not he likes it, I believe it will go a long way toward you seeing reality for what it truly is. Might be good for your father too.” Her smile was warm, but, I thought, calculating. Like she thought neither me nor my father would get what we thought out of that meeting.
After Dr. Bailey left, I went back to my window seat. It faced East. The direction I knew the Iron Tzars compound was. I had another reason for wanting to see Atlas. One I hadn’t told anyone. A reason that morning-after pill was meant to take care of. I’d secretly hoped he’d been right and I’d conceived his child but hadn’t really thought it was possible. Then the test I’d secretly ordered had presented me with two little pink lines.
I absently rubbed my lower belly and smiled to myself. Even if Mom and Dad didn’t want me to see him, soon they wouldn’t have much choice.
There was a knock at my door.
“Come in,” I called softly.
“Bella?” My mother entered, immediately followed by Smokey the Second and Snowball the Third. The cats, who always seemed to know what I needed -- like their predecessors had when they’d first claimed me when I was six -- had found their way out of my room and to my mother.
“Hi, Mom.”
“The cats pestered me until I came.” She gave me a tentative smile. “I know you wanted to be alone, but I can’t stand to see you hurting like this, sweetheart.” She sat across from me on the window seat. “It breaks my heart.”
It took everything inside me to not break down and cry. It was going to happen, but I was going to fight it as long as possible. Besides, my tears belonged to Atlas and no one else. Just like the rest of me.
“I can’t feel anything other than what I do, Mom. I need to talk to Atlas.”
“You only latched on to him because he was your lifeline, baby.” She reached out and brushed a lock of hair off my cheek and tucked it behind my ear. “If you get out and do normal things, go back to the school to your job if you want, you’ll be able to focus on something else. Then you’ll see it was the forced proximity that made you feel the way you do. The school has been asking about you. They’re anxious to get you back.”
I turned back to look out the window again wistfully. “They just want to know if they need to replace me for the whole semester.”
“Your father misses talking to you at breakfast and supper.”
“I miss him, too.”
“Come down and eat with us tonight. Ruth’s having the kitchen make your favorite.”
I smiled. Ruth had been having them make all my favorite meals and desserts since I came home, trying to get me to eat more. Trying to bring me as much comfort as she could.
“Meatloaf and mashed potatoes?”
“Think she’s throwing in some mac and cheese too. And your favorite rolls.”
“She’s always trying to take care of me. You all do. I appreciate it, but this is something I’m going to have to work out myself.” I smiled, trying to take the sting out of my words. “But I’ll respect Ruth’s and the staff’s hard work and come to supper tonight.”
“Thank you, sweetheart. I’ll let your father know. I think Azriel and Giovanni would even come dine with us if they know you’re coming.”
“I’ll be there.”
* * *
Atlas
“Ain’t ever been so uncomfortable in my Goddamned life.” Who the fuck wore a monkey suit to dinner?
“Quit whining, Atlas.” Alexi adjusted his cuffs and straightened his immaculate jacket. “If you want to see my daughter, you have to be able to function in her circles.” The snotty bastard looked all superior and smug. Had he’d been the pussy businessman badass wannabe he presented to the rest of the world, I’d have punched the motherfucker. But Alexi and his associates were as highly trained as any member of Iron Tzars.
