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The family thought I belonged with them because of my grandfather, but the truth was, I only wanted Blaise. If I didn’t have him, I would leave and go get a job, a place to live, find a life for myself.
The last thing I thought of before I finally dozed off was that maybe I should find my independence now, and when Blaise did tire of me, I wouldn’t be left with nowhere to go.
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been asleep when Blaise’s arms wrapped around me. I’d been dreaming, and Blaise’s body pressed against my back felt as if the dream was still happening. The happiness I’d been experiencing before opening my eyes, however, dwindled as reality slowly crept back in. This was temporary. No matter what he claimed, he would tire of me. He would be the boss. He had to take wealthy aristocrats to galas. Have his pictures taken with women of importance. Not some girl from the wrong side of town.
It stung, and my accepting it was hard. The Maddy I’d been before Blaise wouldn’t have accepted it at all. She’d have been furious. She’d have left with nothing but the clothes on her back and said fuck it. I didn’t feel strong anymore. My edge was gone. I didn’t blame Blaise for that. It was unfair to lay that at his door. The truth was knowing that the family I had grown up with hadn’t loved me. Their betrayal had wounded not just my heart, but also how I felt about myself. Blaise had blamed it on the drugs, but I couldn’t help but think something had to be wrong with me.
Blaise’s hand ran underneath the satin pink nightgown I was wearing. It was one of the many he’d bought for me. The stubborn Maddy from before would have put on an old T-shirt before getting in bed tonight. Just to show Blaise I didn’t care what he thought of me. I didn’t need him. But this Maddy was broken. I was insecure. This Maddy had put on something to please someone else. The thought that I’d become this other person made my eyes sting and a lump form in my throat.
When his hand covered my left breast, I arched into it, stretching my body and pressing my bottom against his erection. Blaise didn’t say anything, but his knee opened my legs, and he moved his hand down to slip inside the panties I was wearing. Something else he’d bought for me. Everything I had, Blaise had given it to me.
He wanted me in his bed, he insisted on paying for everything I had, but I wasn’t good enough to be seen on his arm. It made me feel cheap and unworthy. I let him do all those things. I had done nothing to stop it. Did this make me a whore? Silent tears slid down my cheeks.
The past few days since my return, he had been attentive and sweet. He said he loved me and needed me. I had let myself believe him, but now, this. It was a blow I hadn’t expected. Blaise was going to be the Mafia boss. Perhaps he planned to make me his mistress. Could that be what he wanted from me, although he claimed to love me? Maybe men did love their whores.
He shoved a finger inside of me, and although I hadn’t been wet, I knew I would be soon enough. My body didn’t care about the gala and Blaise’s date. It didn’t care that I would never be good enough to have a real relationship with Blaise. It had turned on me from the first moment I had seen Blaise. Even then, my body hadn’t listened to my head.
His finger slid in and out easily as my arousal grew. He pressed his erection in the same rhythm against my butt. I began to rock with him as I pushed all other thoughts away. I’d give him what he wanted. He wanted my body, then he could have it. For now. I needed comfort, and being intimate with Blaise gave that to me. I’d take it. But this wouldn’t be my forever. I would heal emotionally, and when I did, I was going to take back my life.
Blaise turned me over onto my stomach and pulled my hips up until I was on my knees. I opened, knowing what he wanted, and he groaned as he pushed inside of me. Filling me in one hard thrust.
“Fuck yes,” he growled and began to slowly move in and out. His hand slid around me and found my clit, then began to rub it as slowly as he was moving inside of me. “So sweet,” he said in a raspy voice as he kissed my bare back.
I soaked in the tenderness, desperate for it. Anything to make me feel like I was more than his source for sexual release. I’d trusted my father blindly. I was naive. I couldn’t be that way with Blaise. I had to be aware of where I stood. His words meant little. I had to remember it was his actions that I had to watch.
