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This pain will end.
I will be fine.
Lies.
I’ll never be the same again.
BRETT
My phone vibrates again as I head up the sidewalk toward hundreds of people on the front lawn, my jaw clenched.
“Christ.” I crack my neck. This is nothing but vanity, a big song and dance to kiss donor and alumni asses. I hope Richard has a big speech planned because mine is pretty much two words: “Thank you.”
Straightening my tie, I nod, and Pam, Richard’s secretary, almost trips in her heels to get to me.
“Oh, thank God,” she says. “I thought Richard was going to have a heart attack.” She steps back to look at me in my black tailored suit. “You look so handsome. After the announcement, I need to go over your new schedule. And don’t forget you have that trip to India next week.” Pam looks down at her phone while she walks and talks to me.
I stop by a group of men. Aside from Richard, all of them pretty much despise me.
“Brett, are you trying to kill me?” Richard rushes over, huffing and puffing.
“Take it easy, I’m here.”
Frowning, he walks us over to the side, and I glance at all the chairs lined up in rows. The place is packed. The morning’s still a little overcast, but the sun is already peeking through. It’s gonna be a beautiful day.
“You’re okay, right?” His brown eyes try to search mine, but I’m wearing black aviators just for this reason. That, and I’m hungover. I did battle with that bottle of Jack Daniel’s Jett and I started drinking yesterday.
It won.
“Let’s get this over with.” I look out at the smiling faces. My parents are in the front row, along with Jett and Raven. My eyes keep looking, seeking her. She’s not here. I’d feel her if she was. But still, I look. Row after row of nameless faces laughing and talking is all I see.
“Good enough. Congratulations.” He pats my shoulder and smiles out at the crowd. His hand rests there longer than usual, and I almost say,Why don’t we cancel all this nonsense?But maybe he needs a grand finale.
“Do you have your speech?” He clears his throat and straightens the bottom of his suit. Not waiting for my answer, he climbs the few steps as everyone stands for him, clapping and cheering.
I gaze down at my shiny dress shoes.
I took my bike this morning, actually leaving early, and rode up the coast, trying to get my mind back in the game.
“Thank you. Please sit. I’ll make this quick.” Richard smiles at everyone. “First, I need to say how very proud I am to have served this institution as dean for all these years. I’ve sacrificed a lot.” He smiles down at Diane, who sits with his two daughters.
“My wife and children have been there supporting my need to find truths, seek knowledge, and challenge minds. So when I decided that I had to pass the baton, I knew I needed to find someone with integrity, passion, and maybe a little power…” He smiles as the crowd laughs and claps.
“For the job, the man I’ve picked has been carefully prepared by me. He not only lives, breathes, and attacks whatever he sets his mind to, he is quite a smart and handsome fellow.” He smiles again, then looks over at me as his words ring in my head.
Looking around again, I see my mom’s arm looped with my dad’s. Jett’s arm is casually draped over Raven’s shoulders. He arches a dark brow at me.
“Your whole life you’ve been chasing and seeking the ultimate high. Have you ever thought maybe you’ve found it?”
I roll my neck, trying to focus, because this is what I have been working day and night to achieve.
This moment, all my peers, students, all of this is what I have worked for. I’ve wined and dined and endured listening to way too many stories from strangers I don’t care about who donate to the university.
This is what I want, right?
Big green eyes blink at me, her red puffy lips smiling and laughing as she pops up on the surfboard I bought her. The way her eyes darken the moment I’m inside her. Somehow she’s managed to hijack my world, tear it open, and make me bleed.
“You love this woman. Do you need me to spell it out for you?”
