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My stomach drops.
I can read the urgency in Dani’s eyes. If I’d waited another day I might have missed the chance to say goodbye.
Tess moves closer and squeezes my arm, a sweet gesture of support. I’ll take what I can get.
As I climb the stairs, the nurse passes me on the way down. We exchange nods. Must really suck to have a job where you need to watch decent people die all the time.
Cecile’s door is still open. She hasn’t changed positions, although it’s obvious she’s conscious now. Her chin tips up and her nose quivers like she sniffs the air.
“That better be you, Micah.” Her voice, always so sharp and commanding, is quieter and laced with gravelly scratches.
“Yeah, it’s me.” I shut the door, flicking the lock. This ismytime with my grandmother and I’m not sharing it.
“Dani says you left your tour early.” Her face stays trained on my movements as I pull up a chair.
“It’s not a big deal.”
“Like I’ve told you before, you can’t stop your life for death.”
“You’re not dead.”
“I will be.” She shrugs without a trace of self pity. “Very soon.”
She’s only speaking the undeniable truth and I’ve had time to prepare. We all have. Yet the sour taste in the back of my throat and the sting behind my eyes warns that I’m not ready to let go.
Cecile still muses over her impending fate. “Wherever I end up, I hope your worthless grandfather isn’t there. I doubt I did anything so terrible in life that would sentence me to an eternity of listening to that man complain.”
That earns a chuckle. She’s still a pistol.
“I’ll miss you, Cecile. More than you know.”
“I know plenty. I worry about you, Micah. More than the rest of them. Tell me why Tess didn’t go with you to Las Vegas.”
“She didn’t want to.”
“Why?”
“Because I let her believe there was no future with me.”
More to the point, I told her I was just fine with having no future at all.
Cecile purses her thin lips. “That’s not true though, is it?”
“No. It’s not true.” I’m not one to make plans and map out the future but in the parts I do see, Tess is right there in the center.
“I’m glad to hear you admit it. Now get closer because I’m growing tired and I only have the energy to say this once.”
“I’m here.”
What’s left of her sightless eyes bore into my face.
“My boy, courage isn’t always defined by being the first one to run into the fire. I know what tears at your soul. The things you’ve seen shouldn’t be things anyone should see. You’d hardly be human if you weren’t shaped by it. You’ve lived beneath the shroud of your father’s loss, constantly driven to prove yourself when you didn’t need to. But allowing yourself to love and be loved is also a thing of bravery. You do have that courage too. You always have.”
Right after her last word she breaks into a hacking cough. Alarmed, I try to help her change position so she can breathe easier. Cecile shoves me away with impatience.
“I’m not done.” She wheezes, her voice growing weaker. “Make peace with your mother, Micah. I know she’s not a good mother. But then again, neither was I.”
That’s a tall order. But I’d never refuse to honor Cecile’s wish. “All right. I will.”
