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“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Whitney said honestly. “And I’m glad you found a home here in Martha’s Vineyard. I think my brief time here last autumn really changed my life. And if you’ve spent time with Cole’s family, I imagine you’ve felt great love.”
Aria nodded. “One of his aunts has been really lovely. I babysit her daughter.”
Suddenly, another group of sailors entered the bar, and Aria was forced to work pouring beers, making cocktails, and hurrying around the bar as the noise increased. Someone played Queen on the jukebox, and someone tried to perform with the same register as Freddy Mercury but failed. Aria tried to get herself into the chaos of the bar, to feel the beautiful energy, but always, she had one eye on Cole, who spoke excitedly to Rowan and Whitney about all things sailing.
In truth, Aria knew that one day, Cole would find a girlfriend who would whisk him away on an adventure. And Aria would be left on Martha’s Vineyard, wondering why on earth she’d followed her heart on a whim like that. What a silly girl she was!
Around nine that evening, a few young women from Edgartown entered the bar. They were beautiful, wearing layers of makeup, their skirts shorter than anything Aria had at home, and they slid up onto the stools alongside Cole and smiled at Aria as though she was much lesser than them. Aria supposed she was. After all, she was only a bartender at a dive bar.
Aria served the young women the drinks and then sped off for another table that needed her, keeping tabs on Cole. The woman who’d sat directly beside him had begun to chat with him, playing with the end of her skirt. Cole laughed at something she said, and Aria felt her soul momentarily leave her body.
When Aria returned behind the bar, she listened intently as the woman beside Cole told him all about her routine at the gym. To her horror, Cole asked her questions as though he was genuinely interested. Their conversation was so boring, lacked any intellect, and seemed worlds away from what Aria and Cole often spoke about. And yet, he seemed interested! What was going on? Had the world fallen off its axis?
“Aria!” Whitney’s voice came through the chaos of Aria’s mind, and she turned to stare at the most famous female sailor in the world, who was smiling as though she knew everything going on in her mind.
“Do you need another drink?” Aria asked.
Whitney smiled and nodded. “Two beers, please. And a moment of your time.”
Aria wanted to roll her eyes but poured the beers instead, listening as the young woman beside Cole laughed at one of his jokes. Oh gosh. Aria had never seen Cole go home with anyone else or heard about any of his dates. But Aria had been on Martha’s Vineyard for seven months, meaning he’d probably gone out with at least one or two girls. She was sure that number was higher.
“So, tell me.” Whitney took her beer and raised it. “Why did you come to the Vineyard?”
Aria blushed and stepped away from Cole and the young woman. “It’s beautiful here.”
“There are plenty of beautiful places,” Whitney said. “This particular one has been cold for most of the time you’ve been here.”
“I don’t mind the cold,” Aria lied.
Whitney leaned over the counter so that her lips were very close to Aria’s ear. “Have you told him yet?”
Aria was frozen with fear. “What are you talking about?”
Whitney gave her a look that meant business. “Come on. I saw how you looked at Cole on that sailboat last autumn.”
Aria was quiet, remembering how she’d fallen so quickly for the young and handsome sailor who’d seemed the direct opposite of everything she’d ever known.
“Aria, time is all we have, you know?” Whitney said, her smile waning. “And men can be a little bit dumb sometimes.”
Aria wanted to tell Whitney her greatest fear —that Cole already knew Aria was in love with him but wasn’t in love with her back. She’d imagined telling him so many times, but each time, in her daydreams, he said,I just don’t feel the same way. And she’d fallen apart.
How could Aria explain to Whitney just how badly she’d messed up her life?She’d felt out of her mind when she’d dropped out of architecture school, but mostly she’d felt lost and confused when she’d stepped away from her family. Many months after, she finally felt on solid ground again. But if Cole told her he didn’t love her back, she would be thrown back into the chaos of those dark thoughts that she fought hard to keep at bay. She couldn’t chance it.
“I just can’t,” Aria said to Whitney as shame made her cheeks burn.
Whitney nodded as Cole burst into laughter at something the young woman said. “I’m in my forties, Aria,” Whitney said timidly. “I wasted so much time on men who didn’t care about me, who didn’t have my best interests at heart. Cole isn’t like them.”
“I know that,” Aria said stiffly. “But that doesn’t mean he has to love me back.” With that, she turned on a heel and hurried away from the bar, Cole’s friend’s laughter, and Whitney, who seemed to know so much about the ways of the world. In the bathroom, she gasped for air as the world spun around her.
Somehow, Aria was able to get through the night. Around midnight, the young women left the bar, with the flirty one giving Cole her number before she left. Whitney and Rowan said goodnight, explaining they planned to sleep in their sailboat. And Cole, who would have normally gone home with Aria to share a pizza, placed his baseball hat on his head and said goodnight. Aria’s heart shattered in her chest.
“Good night!” Aria called as, one after another, everyone left the darkening bar. “See you later!”
Aria drove back to her dreary apartment with blurry, tear-filled eyes. She then stood at her kitchen counter with a glass of wine that she hardly drank, staring into the black night outside her window. For the millionth time, she read over a recent email Professor Judah Heskew had sent her. It explained the events on campus that semester and that he would still be interested in looking over any sketches she’d drawn over the past few months if she cared to share them.
Also, her mother had written her an email telling her about the events in the town she’d grown up in, along with how much she missed her. Aria felt so far away from both of them and so far away from herself.
As she cleaned her countertop, Aria stumbled into the envelope she’d received a few months ago, upon which someone had scrawled only her name and address and nothing else. In all the chaos of making money and falling in love with Cole, Aria had somehow forgotten it.
