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Before I could decide what to say to him, he stormed up to his room and turned on the television. I wanted to laugh myself silly. Why did I marry a man who looks at me like I’m his slave? Who impregnated me and then left me in his house to rot?
Feeling abused and neglected, I finally put Carmella down and got Elsa to sleep. And then, enraged, I called Oliver and asked if he wanted to meet. Oliver was frightened at first, but then, he was game. The babysitter came over immediately, and I was out the door, flying off to see Oliver— this time at his apartment rather than the hotel. I no longer cared who knew.
On the back porch of the house that Carmella shared with Cody, she sighed as she closed her mother’s journal and pressed it against her heart. Never had she imagined such angst in her mother’s life. Never had she imagined such sorrow. Back in the house, Cody entered the front door and called her name, and Carmella said, “I’m back here!” Cody appeared on the porch a moment later, his smile the most nourishing thing she knew.
“What are you doing back here?” Cody asked, eyeing Georgia’s bassinet in the shadows of the porch where she slept.
“We’re enjoying the beautiful weather,” Carmella said, blinking back tears.
Cody kissed Carmella on the cheek and then walked over to his baby, gazing down at her with love in his eyes. Carmella thought about the stark comparison between Cody and Neal, two fathers who operated the mechanics of fatherhood very differently. Her heart lifted.
“Cody?”
“Yeah?” He turned to smile at her.
“I know we just had Georgia,” she began, “so don’t worry if it’s a no. But I was wondering if you’d consider having another baby. I wouldn’t mind trying for a boy.”
Cody’s smile widened with surprise. “A boy.”
Carmella stood and walked toward him, her arms wrapping around his torso. How could she tell him that ever since they’d lost Colton, she’d dreamed of having a little boy as a baby, one she could raise and protect the way she hadn’t been able to protect Colton?
“I’m forty-five,” Carmella breathed, “and I’m not getting any younger. But the doctor said I still have a few good years. And I’d like to use them if you’re okay with that.”
Cody pressed his nose against hers. “I think we’d better get started.”
Carmella laughed and kissed him, trying to drown out her mother’s long-ago sorrow with her own happiness. Although she was curious about her mother’s affair and how it had ended, she couldn’t help but fear that her mother’s sorrow was infecting her current life here. And she didn’t want any of it.
ChapterNine
After that night at the bar, when Cole had laughed himself silly with the young woman in the miniskirt, Aria didn’t see Cole for a little while. He didn’t stop by the bar and only texted her occasionally with a funny video or song he thought she might like. There was no sense that he wanted to know how she was or to see her. And through each and every aching day alone, Aria felt abandoned.
It didn’t help that that week was meant to be Aria’s graduation from Savannah College of Art and Design. On various social media channels, she watched the students who’d ridiculed her work, called it bad and derivative, pose with diplomas and family members, smiling happily as they committed themselves to the next era of their architecture lives. In a few photographs, Professor Judah Heskew posed as well, smiling in a way that made Aria feel betrayed. She hadn’t written him back once since she’d left spontaneously last semester, but that didn’t mean she didn’t think about him, about architecture, and about her future. She was at a standstill.
Wednesday afternoon, Aria said goodbye to Carmella after a few hours of babysitting and drove to the bar with the windows down and the radio turned up. As she drove, she sang along, making up lyrics as she went as the breeze off the Nantucket Sound blew through her blonde hair.
To her surprise, Cole sat outside the bar, his face lifted to take in the sun. Aria studied him as she walked toward the door to unlock it, stirring with fear. Maybe Cole had come to the bar to tell her that he’d gotten involved with that woman from the other night. Maybe he finally wanted to confess that he was tired of their weird game of cat and mouse and that he was ready to settle down with someone who made more sense to him.
“Hi!” Cole’s eyes opened with surprise when he heard her approach.
Against her better judgment, Aria felt herself smile. “Hi, stranger.”
Cole popped up and followed her into the shadowed bar, where she placed her things on the counter and began to take chairs off the tables. Cole followed her lead, just as he had many times before, helping her between his shifts out at sea.
“I haven’t heard from you,” Cole said, his tone difficult to read.
Aria raised her eyebrows. “I’ve been busy.”
Cole nodded, his hands wrapped around two legs of a chair. “You work too much.”
“I’m not sure about that.” Aria shot him a look.
Cole was quiet for a moment. “Did you like that song I sent you the other day?”
“Which one?”
“The one by the band Television.”
Aria pretended to think for a moment, when in reality, she’d listened to the song ten times and cried herself to sleep to it. “Maybe. I think I liked it.”
