AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She scanned the house as she got out of the car. No lights on—he’d gone to bed. Relief that she’d get the alone time she desperately needed was quickly followed by a wave of guilt—she shouldn’twantthat time alone, she should want to spend it with her partner.
She opened and closed the door as quietly as she was able, then tiptoed through the house, waiting for the light to flood onto her like an escaping prisoner. But she made her way to the bedroom without incident, and the lump on Matt’s side of the bed remained reassuringly still.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out to check—a text from Sophie, asking if she were awake. She tiptoed back out of the room and across the house to the kitchen.
As she reached for the switch, something pushed against her leg. She froze, instantly on alert, then flooded the room with light.
“Brrooowrr,” Cleopatra trilled.
Air gushed from her lungs, and she reached down to stroke the cat. Apparently her mental block wasn’t just for Matt—she also kept forgetting she had a cat now, too. She scooped her up and carried her to the kitchen table, tucking her into her lap as she put through a Duo call to her sister.
Sophie picked up immediately. She also was sitting at her kitchen table, hair piled up into a messy bun, dark smudges under her eyes. “I hope I didn’t wake you. I couldn’t sleep and I needed someone to talk to.”
Jo kept her voice low. “You’re fine. I actually just got home. Matt’s asleep though, so I’m trying not to wake him.”
Sophie paused a moment. “I miss that. Having someone to come home to. Or to come home to you. The house feels cold without David here.” She lifted a martini glass to her lips.
The fatigue on Sophie’s face made Jo wish she could reach through the phone and hug her. “I’m so sorry, Soph. I know how much that hurts.”
“I know you do. That’s why I called, because you’re the only person who really knows. So you can tell me how even though I’m in pain now, the sun will come up again and I’ll be stronger and better off than I was before.”
Jo reached for the diamond at her throat—the stone from her former engagement ring—as she measured her words against what she’d gone through when her fiancé Jack died in her arms. “The sunwillcome up again. And whatever you decide, itwillbe for the best.”
Sophie laughed dryly, and scrunched her face skeptically. “Hmm, that’s not quite what I said. And I know you far too well to pretend you don’t pick your words carefully.”
Jo let out a slow puff of air. “Yeah, sorry. You just caught me at a bad moment, and I’m having a hard time putting on anAnnieimpersonation. But don’t read too much into it. I do believe the pain will pass and you’ll find yourself unexpectedly happy again before you know it. It’s just—well, it’s just not quite as straightforward as the way you put it.”
“How so?” Anxiety joined the fatigue in Sophie’s eyes.
“Like I said, don’t read too much into it. My situation with Jack was very different from yours, so the course of the heartache will probably also be different. The pain did ease, and things did get better. But there’s a small core that’s always there, like a peach pit stuck in my stomach that never goes away.” She sighed. “And going through these things—death, betrayal, any kind of loss—it changes you. I’m still dealing with the repercussions of that, even as we speak.”
Sophie’s expression shifted to concern. “Is everything okay? Is it Matt?”
Jo sighed again. “No, I’m the jerk. My brain just seems determined to sabotage me. I can’t seem to uninstall the firewall erected by my previous relationships. Just when I think it’s disabled, it pops up again.”
Sophie’s eyes narrowed. “Oh, no. What did you do?”
Jo winced defensively. “I’ve been working late on a case, and I keep forgetting to text him and let him know I’ll be late, so he’s waiting at home for me with no word.”
Sophie’s face cleared. “That’s not so bad. It’s not ideal, of course, but you only just moved in together. It takes a while to get used to that sort of change. Give yourself some grace.”
Jo paused, trying to cover her surprise. It wasn’t like Sophie to cut Jo slack; throughout their lives, she’d been the one most likely to point out Jo’s flaws. “No, you’re right. I guess I just want to be sure it’s that, just a question of getting used to it, and not that I’m fundamentally unable to hold down a decent relationship.”
“You love him, right? You want to be with him?” Sophie asked.
“I do. Or at least, I think I do. But when I saw his moving boxes in my garage, I had a low-grade panic attack. So am I just lying to myself because Iwantto love him?”
Sophie was quiet a moment. “Funny, I’ve been asking myself a very similar question lately. Humans are so good at lying to ourselves, aren’t we?”
The words sent a chill through Jo. “God, I hope not.”
Sophie’s brow creased. “That was an odd response.”
Suddenly Jo felt like she was being pushed down into the chair by a thousand lead blankets. She clutched Cleopatra into her chest with her free hand. “Sorry. That wasn’t about you, or about me. That was about Bob.”
Sophie’s concern returned. “Tell me.”
She walked Sophie through the case, ending with the Steve Murphy conversation. When she was done, Sophie chewed her lip. “This Murphy may justwantto believe Bob knew. Diffusion of responsibility is a powerful drive. If he wasn’t the only person to condone the action, he doesn’t have to bear the burden alone.”
