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I shrug. “When I trust you, I’ll tell you everything you need to know. But don’t mistake my silence for weakness. I can do what I have to do without you. Will it be harder? Sure, but all I know is how to do things the hard way. Why should this be the exception? Oh, and one thing you should know, Calix, I don’t do anything out of the kindness of my heart. If you’re looking for kindness from me, you’re gonna be disappointed. This world chews up and spits out kind people. You helped teach me that.”
I walk into the bathroom and slam the door before I give too much away. I walk over to the sink and run the faucet, splashing water on my face before looking up at my reflection in the mirror.
Jesus, it always comes back to this, tired eyes staring back at me in hotel bathrooms. It’s an endless cycle with no chance of breaking, at least not until I can figure out the safest place for us. I pause, a thought popping into my head, which I dismiss immediately, but it doesn’t disappear. It pokes away at my brain until all I can think about is why that place is the perfect place for us to hide out.
I grip the counter, knowing that if I do this, I’ll reveal exactly who I am to a man who has shown me no signs of loyalty. He could turn me over in a heartbeat and use me as a bargaining chip to keep his life. It won’t work, of course. As long as he’s alive, he’s a threat. I think he knows that. It’s what I’m banking on anyway because the two of us are much stronger together than we are apart.
If I’m honest, it’s more than just exposing myself to Calix holding me back, it’s facing the ghosts of my past. Ghosts that have haunted me for twenty years. I stayed away from this place and all the memories it holds for a reason. I never intended to come back, even though I’ve never truly been able to let the place go. I like to pretend I’ve moved on, but realistically, I know I was hiding—hiding from what happened to me, hiding from what I did, and mostly hiding from what I would have to do. I love the life I’ve created. My girls are the family I never thought I’d have, and no matter how this plan goes, I can’t find a way to reconcile the different facets of my life.
A pounding on the door makes me jump, which pisses me off. I’m not that girl anymore, the one who jumps at every loud fucking noise.
“You alive in there? I’ve already done time for murder. I don’t want them to think I killed you too.”
I yank the door open and look up at him. “Still alive. Now, can I get five fucking minutes?”
He stares at me for a moment before his hand lifts, and with surprisingly gentle fingers, he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Do you want me to find something to cover your wound with so you can shower?”
I snap my mouth shut in surprise, not expecting that. I look into his eyes, trying to decide if he’s being serious or not.
“Yes, that would be great.”
“I’ll be back in five.”
He turns and leaves me standing in the bathroom doorway as he crosses the room and yanks the hotel door open, slamming it closed behind him.
I watch the door, feeling unsure of what to do, which makes me twitchy. I always have a plan. I like knowing what my next move will be, but Calix Cirillo takes all of that and tosses it out the window. He’s not how I imagined he would be, and that’s the most confusing thing of all. In my head, I thought of him as a monster, only a step or two down from his brother. Sometimes I forget that the last time I saw him was through the eyes of a terrified girl who knew she was going to die.
Now an endless amount of time has passed, though some days it only feels like minutes. Calix is not the man he once was any more than I’m the girl I used to be. We both have traumas that shaped us, and both had a hand in our own downfalls. Maybe that’s why I feel… connected to him, why I don’t fear him, because I’m just like him. He knows what it’s like to be both innocent and guilty and I understand that better than most because I was never just the victim. I was the girl that got away with murder.
While he’s gone, I move to the bed and sit down gingerly beside my bag and wait for him to return. The room feels overly quiet now—so quiet that I’m half tempted to put the television on just so there is some noise in the background. I don’t, though. I can’t afford to be caught unaware, which means no distractions.
I lie back and stare at the ceiling, noting the water stain in the corner. There must have been a leak at some point. It’s a far cry from home, and I’ve never felt it more acutely than I do right now. I miss my clothes and my shoes. But mostly, I miss my girls. I know they’ll be pissed as hell, but it has to play out like this. I won’t do anything to jeopardize their happiness. They all fought too hard to get it in the first place.
I scan the rest of the room, taking in the single window covered by flimsy blinds and the wooden door that wouldn’t take much to kick in, and heave out a sigh. It’s not so much that everything is cheap and nasty here that makes me want to break out in hives. The place itself doesn’t bother me. Lord knows I’ve slept in worse. No, for me, it’s the lack of security.
I remind myself that if this place is easy to break into, it’s easy to break out of, and that’s what I have going for me at the moment. I’m small and fast, even in heels. That’s the advantage I’m working with because when someone comes for me, they’ll come with guns like the lackey from before. I’m many things, but bulletproof isn’t one of them.
With that thought in mind, I roll over and shift through my bag for my phone. I have twelve missed calls from an unknown number and half a dozen messages that I delete without reading. I shove the phone back and search for the lackey’s gun. I shake my head when I come up empty. I can’t say I’m surprised. That’s why I left it in there after all. I only hope he doesn’t need it to save himself because I made sure it was empty. I might want to test the man, but—believe it or not—I don’t have a death wish.
I notice my wallet is missing. I only kept fifty dollars inside it, along with a fake ID. I can’t find it in me to care. He did leave the bike keys behind, though. Either he couldn’t find them or he’ll be back.
I bite my lip, trying to decide which way he’ll go. He’s a free man. He could call someone to get him, and I won’t see him again. Of course, he could also be back in twenty minutes with supplies for my side. I’m not sure which would surprise me more at this point.
Laughter sounds from outside as someone enters the room next door, followed by a feminine squeal. That was one option I’ve desperately been trying not to think about. That Calix might be out there fucking a waitress from the diner.
I realize he’s mine in name only, but the thought of him being with someone else makes me feel sick. I’m surprised I care. I’ve already made a mockery of marriage. I’d be better off letting sleeping dogs lie. The problem is, I’m Sugar Fucking Daniels. If my husband comes home smelling like cheap perfume, I’ll douse him in a bottle of Chanel No5 and set him on fire.
CHAPTERFIVE
The feel of hands stroking across my stomach has me waking up with a startled gasp. I try to sit up, but a hand on my shoulder holds me down.
“Stay still.”
I relax a fraction when I hear Calix. My heartbeat races out of control when I realize that not only did he manage to get back in the room without waking me, but he touched me too. Normally, I’m hypersensitive when I’m touched while I’m asleep. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s because it’s the one time I’m at my most vulnerable. Whatever the reason, I’ve always been a light sleeper. The slightest thing wakes me.
I don’t say anything as he focuses on my wound, checking it before his eyes lift to mine.
“I’m going to put some gauze over it and cover it with this.” He holds up a roll of plastic wrap.
