AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Dani
Watchingthewedding,knowingLogan was somewhere in the background, was hard. But seeing him when Lucy insisted on checking out everyone’s outfits was so much harder. It felt like a slap in the face that I wasn’t at all prepared for. Yes, I’ve seen him often since we parted ways, and those moments were difficult enough to take. But seeing him in Vegas, knowing what’s likely to happen, has me wanting to vomit.
The past few weeks have been hard. Finding out my sister and fiancé were together and losing Logan on the same day almost broke me. Though Logan’s words offered me a small amount of closure that day, it was harder than I thought to get over it. The one person I wanted to turn to wasn’t there. My go-to person had shifted from Eric to Logan, and now he was gone too. We’d decided to say our goodbyes, and a part of me was missing without him. I needed him. More than I’ve ever needed anyone. And now, all I can think about is him.Does he think about me?
After finishing work the day of the wedding, Lucy and I decided on a girls’ night. It’s not something either of us really do, but we figured, why not? We order takeout and settle in for a night on the couch with chick flicks and chocolate.ThatI can handle. But it takes Lucy all of two minutes to ask about Logan, and I instantly regret my decision.
“Can we please not talk about him?” I say, covering my face with my hands.
I feel Lucy’s eyes burning a hole in my head, and when I look her way she’s frowning apologetically. “I’m sorry, I’m just worried about you.”
“Don’t be. I’m okay. I haven’t even cried.” I add the last part in the hope it will ease her mind, but from the look on her face, it has the opposite effect.
“You haven’t?”
“Nope,” I say, popping thep.
Lucy’s brows furrow. “Is this an ‘I’ve shut off my emotions’ type of situation? Or are you genuinely okay? Because I’ve gotta say, you didnotlook okay on the phone during the wedding.”
I groan as my head falls back onto the cushion behind me.Why did I have to mention it?“It’s the first one.”
“Oh Dani, I really wish you could work it out,” Lucy says, clasping my hand. “But I understand how difficult a relationship would be…considering…” She trails off because we both know what she’s going to say. It’s pointless even thinking about it. Nothing’s going to change from my end. And I wouldn’t expect Logan to change. Nor would I want him to abandon his mom during this time when she needs him the most.And I don’t expect her to give up. It’s not like we’re at war with each other. We just both want the same thing, and that puts Logan and me in an unfortunate position.
“You love him, right?” Lucy asks, rubbing salt into my wounds. But that’s Lucy, never one to shy away from a question.
I pause for a moment, terrified of saying it out loud, knowing it will only break my heart again. But as I look into Lucy’s concerned but sincere eyes, I decide not to hold back.
“I do, Lucy. I really do. And I hate that he’s currently in Vegas, most likely hooking up, while I have no right to be upset about it.”
“You have every right.”
“No, I don’t. We’re not together. We’re never going to be together. I just have to move on.”
Lucy’s frown deepens. “Or you could—”
“Please, Lucy.”
She raises her hands in the air and nods before picking up the TV remote. “Okay, I’m dropping it. What movie first?”
We get through a movie and a half before Lucy starts falling asleep on the couch. When she heads to bed, I make myself comfortable, trying to think of anything I can other than what Logan’s doing right now. I don’t know why him being in Vegas affects me more than him being at home. Logan doesn’t need a fancy nightclub and a lit-up street to find himself a girl. I’m sure he’s hooked up plenty of times since this all started. Right under my nose. Yet, this still feels worse. I don’t know what it is. I just have this tightness in my chest that’s telling me to be worried, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why.
I’m still struggling to sleep as the clock ticks over to three in the morning, and I want to scream.Please, just let me sleep.Getting up, I rummage around for my earbuds and bring up the music app on my phone, stupidly hitting play on my Romy and Michelle playlist.
Halfway through the third song, my “Footloose” ringtone starts to play and my stomach twists. Leaning over the edge of the couch, I grab my phone from the floor and see Logan’s name on the screen, instantly making me nauseous.Why is he calling?
“Logan?”
“Fuck, Dani,” he says on a sigh. “It’s so good to hear your voice. It’s a beautiful fucking voice.”
I want to giggle, but something holds me back, and I wait for him to say more.
He’s silent for a moment until I hear him take a deep inhale and curse under his breath. “I can’t do it,” he whispers. “I can’t be with some…anyone else, and that fuck…fucking sucks. I used to think I had it all. And I did. But then I didn’t. Did I? I didn’t have you.Youwould be having it all. Having all ofyou.”
He’s rambling, and it’s clear that he’s drunk. I don’t interrupt him to question it, even though I vaguely recall him mentioning he doesn’t drink.
“I wanted to move on. I did, but even just speaking to another girl makes me feel sick. Except Sum, Cory, and Del. Obliviously. I mean, ob…obviously.Fuck. Why can’t I move on? Please,please,tell me why? Or…maybe I need you to tell me it’s okay?”
“Logan, it’s—”
