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“I know. I know. I’m sorry. And thank you. I think there was an apology in there somewhere.”
“There wasn’t, but there probably should be.”
We sit silently for a minute until Dani takes a deep breath, letting the fresh ocean air fill her lungs. “I can see why you love it here,” she says in a breath. “The waves are so loud, and yet, it’s so peaceful.”
She closes her eyes and tilts her head to the sky as the tiniest smile plays on her lips, and my heart pounds at how beautiful she looks. Windswept hair, no makeup—she’s perfection, but it’s the way she feels things that has me hook, line, and sinker. It’s the smile she gets when a song seeps into her soul, or the adorable little pout and frown lines that appear when she’s annoyed. And it’s the look of absolute contentment she has right now, from the very thing that brings me so much joy.
Taking a deep breath, I run my hands down my face and finally ask her what’s been on my mind for almost a year. Something I think I’m starting to understand.
“That day on the beach? This beach. You were upset about your sister, right? It was pretty close to the one-year anniversary.”
Dani opens her eyes and briefly flashes them my way before leaning forward and hugging her knees again.
“I didn’t even know she’d passed away at that point,” she whispers, and my heart clenches.
She didn’t know. After a year?
She pauses, and a pained expression mars her features. I have so many questions, but I stay silent, letting her talk. “That day, I was thinking about Eric. My fiancé.”
What?“You’re engaged?” I try hard to keep the disgust out of my voice, but from the way her head snaps toward me, I don’t think I’ve succeeded.
“Of course, I’m not engaged. Actually, I don’t know how it works. Are you still engaged if your partner dies? I’m not a married widow, but I shouldn’t just be nothing, right?”
Jesus! My body tenses, and I’m consumed with sorrow. But I have a rare moment of complete clarity as everything suddenly makes sense. The way she hesitates. The glimpses of sadness that come right after particularly happy moments. The emotions she tries to hide. It’s like she believes she’s not allowed to be happy but doesn’t want anyone else to know her pain. Or sympathize with her.
“God, Dani. I’m so sorry.”
My heart breaks for her, but I have no idea how she must feel, having never even come close to experiencing what she’s been through. My dad’s parents passed away before I was born, and my mom’s are still alive today. They’re freaks of nature. I can’t even imagine losing someone close to me, while Dani’s lost her fiancé and her sister.God.
“It’s not your fault,” she says, releasing a slow breath, resting her head on her knees, her face tilted toward me.
I reach out and rub her back. She may not need my comfort right now, but I need to be touching her. Giving her something.
“I didn’t know. I’ve been so—”
“Pushy,” Dani offers, her lips lifting in a small smile, making some of the tension leave my body.
“I was actually going to say intense. But sure, pushy works too.”
Dani laughs quietly, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “In the beginning, I felt so guilty for even thinking about another man, and then, when I realized it was like a game to you, I couldn’t risk the damage to my heart.”
“Trust me when I say, I am not here to play with your heart, Dani. That’s the last thing I’d ever do to anyone.”
Dani playfully rolls her eyes, shaking her head as she speaks. “Breaking hearts is yourthing, Logan. Isn’t that what players do? I don’t mean it to offend you. Just stating a fact.”
I hate that she thinks that about me. That anyone would think that about me.
“That’s where you’re wrong. I’ve never been with anyone that didn’t know what it was before it started. I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not. The heart’s too important to be trampled on like that.”
She eyes me skeptically but nods, accepting my explanation.
“Enough about me, then. You’re really not speaking to your dad?”
I groan at the spotlight shifting in my direction. “Uh, it sounds so trivial now after what you’ve shared.”
“No, Logan. We all have our own issues. It’s not a competition about who’s worse off. We all feel things differently.”
“But he’s alive. I'm so angry at him, but at least he’s alive. I can’t even… God, Dani. I don’t even know how you’re coping. You’ve officially stepped up to the position of strongest woman I know, and my mom is raising her husband’s illegitimate child, despite always telling me she only wanted one kid.”
