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Huh?Why’s she apologizing to me?
“God, I just left you, I’m sorry. I’m—”
I snap out of my daze for long enough to stop her from saying more. “It’s okay, Mom. I’m okay.” I’m not. Not even in the slightest. But she just lost her husband, and I need to stay strong for her.
We stay wrapped in each other’s arms for a few more minutes until my grandmother walks over and pats me on the back. “Let’s get you all home. It’s almost time for Liam to be picked up from kindergarten, and there’s nothing we can do here. Why don’t you say your goodbyes and—”
“No,” I whisper, unable to even look her in the eye.
“No?” she asks as her hand disappears.
I can’t. I can’t say goodbye. I’m not ready. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.“I have to go.”
“Logan?” Mom asks, confusion clear in her voice.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I just—”
“Go.” She nods as she wipes tears from her face, watching as I stand to leave.
The door slams open as I run from the room, ignoring the sympathetic expressions on the nurses’ faces. I don’t stop until I’m inside my Jeep and then I bang my head against the headrest and cry out into the silence. My heart palpitates, but I ignore it. It’s like when someone tells you they have a cold, and even though you’re perfectly healthy, you suddenly feel a tickle in your throat—a phantom feeling that mimics those around you. That’s what my heart is doing. It’s beating erratically, trying to distract me from what I should really be thinking about. I justwatchedmy dad die. Before I had the chance to tell him I love him. Before I could apologize. And now my heart is making me pay.
Someone walks past the front of my car, and the movement pulls me from my thoughts, only then making me realize I’ve been staring straight ahead. At nothing.
I immediately start the engine, desperate to get home. To get away from this awful place.
I shouldn’t be driving. I can barely focus through the fresh tears coating my eyes. But I do.
I want to go to Dani’s. I don’t want to be alone. But I don’t know where she lives, and there’s no one else I want to talk to right now to even ask. So instead, I go home. Alone.
But when I safely pull up in my building's parking garage, I send off a text before making my way inside, praying she’ll come.
Chapter Nineteen
Dani
Logan:Ineedyou
“Logan, open up!” I bang on his door after lightly knocking a few times, and it pops out of the lock, opening on its own with a slow creak.O…kay. That’s weird.It’s eerily quiet other than that, as though something is going to jump out at me. Orsomeone. This is very horror movie-esque and I don’t like it.
“Logan?”
No answer.I’m almost certain he’s here after his cryptic text, but what if he gave me the wrong address? I’ve never been here; maybe he’s playing a trick on me. God, what a ridiculous notion. Why can’t I trust in him? Of course, he didn’t give me the wrong address.Screw it…I’m going in.
For some reason, I tiptoe through the apartment like a creeper. It only has one bedroom, so there’s not many places he could be, but I move quietly anyway.
I’ve just reached his bedroom door when something crashes to the floor on the other side, causing me to jump a foot in the opposite direction. My heart pounds in my chest and only increases in speed when I hear him yell, “Fuuuck!” before something else bangs.
At least I know he’s here.
Pushing open the door to his room, I enter, already giving him a piece of my mind. “Logan! You can’t just send me—Logan?”
The room’s dark except for the light spilling from the en suite, so it takes a second for me to adjust. But once I see him curled up on the floor next to the toilet, I run.
Dropping to my knees in front of him, my gaze scans over every inch of him to assess for damage.Is he injured? Is he sick?When I can’t find anything, I gently brush my hand across his cheek until he looks up at me with a vacant expression, before squinting his eyes, as if trying to figure out if I’m really in front of him. And when he sees that I am, his entire body sags as he buries his head in his hands, his face contorting. “He died, Dani. My daddied.”
Oh, God.
Tears prick the back of my eyes as I pull him into my arms. Water seeps into my clothes, but I have no desire to work out why. All that matters right now is Logan.
