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“Shouldn’t we talk to Joel? Ask him how best to approach this?” Logan whispers, clearly struggling with what we have to do.
“I spoke to him this morning. He’s on standby if we need him. Joel expects Liam to go quiet. To retreat into himself, rather than cry. If Dani can’t cheer him up at dinner, he’ll come over tomorrow.”
Logan’s eyes bulge out of his head, but then he recovers. “Good, that’s good.”
I stay quiet. It’s not my place to get involved in this. My priority is Liam and making sure he’s okay.
Liam reacts exactly as Joel predicted. He stares straight ahead. The only hint that he acknowledged anything that we said is the way his hands grip his pants, pulling at the material. It takes everything in me to fight back my own tears as I watch this little boy being told he’s lost yet another fixture in his life. I feel sick, and one look at Logan tells me he feels the same. It’s almost comical to see how similar they are in the way they cope. Instead of his pants, Logan’s subtly pinching his arm, as though the pain will stave off his tears and stop him from falling apart when his brother needs him.
After a minute, Liam blinks and looks my way. “Are we still going to Chick-fil-A?” he asks, talking of his favorite fast-food chain.
My chest tightens, but I offer him a smile. “Of course, whenever you are ready.”
“I’m ready.”
Jenny’s eyes glisten with tears, but she wipes them away before Liam notices. And when he runs off to get his shoes, Logan’s head drops into his hands, breaking my heart.
I stay strong. I have to. For Liam, for Logan, for me.
Jenny follows Liam to his room, leaving Logan and me alone, and since I’m not sure what he needs, I stay silent, letting him work through his feelings on his own. But when his body starts to shake, I can’t stay put anymore.
“Oh, Logan.”
Moving to sit beside him, I wrap my arms around his body and pull him into me, squeezing him tightly. He lets me comfort him but doesn’t otherwise react.
“I’m here. Talk to me.”
His head lifts slightly, and he stares at me in confusion, as if just noticing me there.
“I’m here,” I repeat, this time while looking directly into his eyes.
Logan nods before sitting up straight and leaning away from me. “Thank you. Sorry about that.”
“You don’t ever have to be sorry. That’s what friends are for.”
“Friends?” Logan questions, his brows furrowing. And I have to stop my own from following.Are we not friends?
“Yes?” I say, uncomfortably. Maybe I read too much into what we were before having sex. Maybe that’s all it was.
After nodding a few times with his lips sucked into his mouth, Logan jumps to his feet. “Okay. Thanks, friend.”
He walks to the kitchen and stops at the threshold, looking back at me over his shoulder. “Can we hang out after you drop Liam back tonight? As friends.”
The more he uses that word, the less comfortable I feel, until I realize that maybe I’m not as okay as I thought I was.
And so, after telling myself over and over that I wasn’t affected by him, I can’t bring myself to say no. I don’twantto say no.
“Of course. I’ll call you when I’m leaving.”
Liam doesn’t mention his dad once at dinner, so I make a note to ask Joel how we best approach that—Jenny gave me his number in case I ever need it. And right now, I need it. Liam is acting like his normal happy self, and that worries me. It’s like nothing even happened.
Although by the time we pull up in his driveway, he’s almost asleep, thirty minutes before his normal bedtime. I’m guessing he heard us loud and clear. He’s just processing it in his own way and is emotionally drained because of it. I wish I knew what to say to him, or how to help him understand. I’ve been where he is, but I was seven. And the difference between a five-year-old and a seven-year-old is surprisingly huge.
Jenny offers me a thankful smile when I carry Liam straight to his room. And when he’s all tucked in bed, having been through his nightly routine, I fill her in on our night and drag myself to the car, emotionally spent, just like Liam.
The drive home is short, so I don’t call Logan until I arrive, wanting to change out of the clothes that now smell of fast food.
We agree to meet at a park, halfway between the two of us, so I dress warmly and grab a blanket on my way out the door.
