AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“And now that it has?” She looks at me expectantly, as though I’m about to tell her it’s all been a misunderstanding.
“It’s complicated, Luce. But I love that kid fiercely, and every part of me, every fiber of my being, is telling me that he was always meant to be with me.”
I open the door wider for her to come inside, not at all interested in airing my dirty laundry to the neighbors. Though, I’m honestly not sure if she’ll walk in. I guess it depends why she’s here.
With a held breath, I wait for her decision. And it’s only when she sighs and moves toward the couch that I release it.
“I’m not even going to pretend to know what you’re going through right now. And considering my life at the moment, I have no right to judge. But what about Logan? I’m not sure he’ll forgive you if you go through with it.”
“I know, believe me I know. And I set it up before I knew him that well. I just needed to know that if Liam’s dad died, that I was doing everything I could to keep Liam safe. To take care of him. I never thought his dad would actually die or that I’d fall for his brother.” I pause, wishing I could take the last statement back, but I can’t. And Lucy definitely notices it.
“You’re in—”
“Logan’s a player, Luce. Before long, I’ll just be another girl he once fucked,” I say, cutting her off before she asks me to face something I’m not ready to face. “I can’t make a decision based on Logan or what I may or may not feel for him. I have to take him out of the equation to ensure I make the right decision. One that’s based solely on what’s best for Liam.”
“And you think that’s you?” she asks, but it’s not with ill intent. Her tone holds genuine concern.
Pressing my palms into my temples, I sigh. “I really do.”
After a restless sleep on Wednesday night, I tell work I’m going to be late and sit by my phone, waiting for time to tick over to a reasonable hour before calling my lawyer. I poured my heart out to Lucy, and though she didn’t help me come to any conclusions, I still felt better after seeing her. She never offered her opinion one way or the other, but she promised to still be there for me, no matter what I chose. Because “she knew I’d be making the right decision for me and Liam.” The fact that she put that faith in me helped me to put that faith in myself. I knew the answer. I just needed to find it. Liam should be with me. But I need to talk to Jenny first.
Once again, I’m forced to leave a message with my lawyer’s assistant, and that alone makes me anxious. If I’d have insisted on speaking to him last time, rather than leaving a message, I wouldn’t have been thrown into this decision the way that I was. I would have had time.Not that insisting this time did me any good, but she at least sounded apologetic.
It’s another twenty-four agonizing hours before I hear back about the custody case, and right before the words “I’m ready” come out of my mouth, my lawyer drops a bomb on me—my mother found out and says that if I don’t go through with it, she will. He said her exact words were “that man’s wife shouldnotbe raising my grandchild.” Looks like I made the right decision.Again, what a fucking mess.
I try calling Logan several times after the new revelation, but unsurprisingly he doesn’t return my call or reply to my messages. The last two are even left unread.
I get through the rest of the day by burying myself in my work. With our big fundraiser mere weeks away, it’s a great excuse, one I’m even telling myself.
That afternoon, I’m once again thinking about Logan and Liam as I swivel on my chair. I haven’t been able to speak to Liam since last Sunday and it’s killing me, but I’ll see him in a few days and that’s what’s getting me through.
I’ve just spun on my fifth rotation when Logan walks past my office door, and my heart stops. My first thought is that he’s here for me, but when I hear him talking to Rita, my hope fades. I completely forgot that he’s part of the work I’ve been using to distract myself. But now he’s here, across the hall from me, making plans for my event, and I have no way to stop it.
I stare at Rita’s office door the entire time Logan’s in there, hoping to get a chance to catch him when he leaves. But the second I see him, I feel sick about it. Seeing the scowl on his face when he notices me makes my chest tighten, and I no longer want to be here. This fucking hurts. It hurts so much. And I wish there was a way we could have worked this out between us, without involving lawyers, but now that Mom knows, the option no longer exists. And I’m stuck in a hard place.Why did this all have to happen this way?
The following Sunday I knock on Jenny’s door with my heart in my throat, half expecting Logan to open up and tell me to leave. When it’s Jenny that greets me, I sigh in relief until her emotionless expression comes into view. I want to scream at her that I’m not the bad guy here. That I just want what’s best for Liam. But I let it slide. She’s hurting, so I understand.
“Jenny, I’m sorry—”
“Liam!” she yells, ignoring my apology. “Your aunt’s here.” She steps away from the door without letting me say another word, but I call out, needing to get this off my chest.
“Jenny, wait.” She turns around but stands silently. “I’m not doing this to hurt you. I never meant for it to happen this way but—”
“I understand,” she says, cutting me off again, her voice sounding anything but understanding. “I get it. You think you can raise him better than I can. And I’m sorry we don’t see eye to eye on that. I’m not going to stop you from seeing Liam, but I’m going to fight this. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t talk to Liam about the hearing.”
God, what does she think I’m going to do? Turn him against her?
“Thank you. And I won’t. Despite what you might think of me right now, I’m a decent person and I’m not trying to upset anyone.”
Liam comes to the door after that, and we both smile like we’re a big happy family, only we’re far from it, and after today, I’m even more determined.
Since I don’t want to ask Jenny to borrow her car, Liam and I walk to a nearby park, and I make a mental note to get a car seat or booster, realizing I probably should have done that already. Yet another thing I need to add to the list when thinking about raising Liam. A list that’s growing out of control.
When we get to the playground, Liam runs straight to the swings, and I step in behind him, pushing him high as he laughs out loud.
“Do you think I could touch the sky, Dani?” he yells as he lets one hand go and tries to do just that. My pulse spikes as my panic takes over until he grips the chain again and laughs to himself. “I don’t think I can.”
I smile in relief, and my heart rate returns to normal as I slow my pushing down. “I think you can do anything you want, Liam. We just have to figure out a way to do it.”
