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Gripping the back of my neck, I sigh. “To be honest…yes. I mean, I knew she cared but…”
I trail off because she loves me?Fuck. Of course I know how much I mean to her; I feel the same.In my head she’s already like a daughter to me.But love?
Lucy nods, holding back her emotions.I need to leave.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to see Katie either. Not right now, anyway. I think a clean break is best. Plus, with Grayson, I already have someone to look after. I don’t needor wantsomeone else.”
Lucy flinches and I hate what I’m doing to her. I once mentioned to her that Gray can sometimes be a burden. It was a shit thing to say, but it was the truth. Comparing Katie and Grayson now is like telling her that Katie would be a burden to me…something that will break her.
Lucy closes her eyes, her forehead creasing. “You’re really ending this? Without giving me an explanation?”
“Isn’tnotwantingto be in a relationship with you reason enough?”
Her eyes fly open as my voice rises slightly. I’m panicked. Why won’t she fucking believe me? I can’t keep doing this.
Another wave of nausea takes over me. Allowing these lies to exit my mouth is making me physically ill as it goes against everything… My mind wanders as an idea hits me.
“You know how I feel about lying, Lucy. So believe me when I say,I’m done.”
Lucy stares at me with tears welling in her eyes, and my chest aches. I knew that would work, and yet it fucking hurts to see her reaction.
“I believe that you’re done. But I don’t believe your excuse,” she whispers. “Why are you doing this?”
“Lucy…”Please, please let this go. I’m begging you. Let us go.
“Why, Wes?!” she yells. “Why? Cut the crap and tell me the truth. Why? Why?” She won’t let up, asking me over and over while I try to focus on why I’m doing this…why I need her to believe me. But that backfires when I yell back. “Because he’ll take Katie if I don’t!”
Lucy freezes. “What?”
“I’m going to go.”
She doesn’t respond or even process that I’ve spoken, so I slip out the door in a rush. Tears prick the back of my eyes, but I bite my cheek to stave them off. I can’t let her see me like this. I shouldn’t have said what I said.
I make it five steps down her driveway when she chases after me, screaming my name.
“Wes, stop! Dammit, stop!”
I do as asked but don’t turn around. I can’t. It won’t help either of us.
Lucy doesn’t stop moving until she’s standing in front of me, her face full of anger. “Are you fucking kidding me, Wes,” she yells, shoving me back toward the house with a force I’m not ready for.
“You think it’s that easy?” she continues, switching from shoving to pounding my chest. “That you can just walk away, again?”
Left, right, left, right. Her speed increases and I take it all. Letting her get it all out.
“Fuck, no. You don’t get to leave. You don’t get to make that decision for us. We fight together, asshole. Fightwithme!”
She screams the last part as her fists crash against me in quick succession and the tears in her eyes start to fall. “Why would you walk away? Do we mean that little to you?”
Her fight goes, and it’s not long before she’s barely even connecting with me. She’s utterly destroying me, but I don’t know what to say. I can’t risk her losing Katie. I’m not worth it;nobodyis.
“Are you really going to just stand there and say nothing?” she whispers with a scratchy voice.
I nod. “Do your worst.”
“Fuck you.”
She slaps me across the face and walks away while I’m frozen in place, unable to move until a car driving past snaps me from my inner madness.
