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Yup, we were, but I’m definitely happier now that the conversation has moved on…
“You broke up with her immediately, right?”
…but Lucy clearly needs answers and she deserves them.
“I did.” I sigh, running my hand down my face. “Even before I found out about the college stuff. But that wasn’t the end of us.”
Lucy hisses, and I chuckle despite this part of my life being anything but funny.
“Her family started making my life hell. Suggesting that because she’d been with me through college—before I got ‘too big for my own good’ as they put it—that she was somehow owed money or something. They actually said she’d settle for fame. As if that was something I could give her.
“It got to the point of being borderline threatening. Her brother would be waiting for me before practice, or her father would be blowing up my phone. The coaching staff agreed to let me start late and leave early, to see if it died down without having to call in authorities, or the media circus that would follow. But the media found out anyway which only encouraged my ex’s family even more.”
Lucy gasps, her hand flying to her mouth. “Jesus. So you were never actually in trouble with the team?”
“No. I mean, yes, it affected my game, but they were understanding about it.”
“Why didn’t the media know that? The article I read painted you in a pretty bad light.”
I blow out a breath because she’s not wrong. The writer of that article did not fact check.
“The media did. At least, they found out pretty quickly. Once our PR team got involved, the stories died down after only a day or so. The article you saw was one guy latching on to a story he must have read years ago. That’s why it was never released. Though I still don’t understand how you got hold of it.”
“I’d like to know that too. My ex sent it to me, but it’s not like he’s close with anyone in the media. At least, he wasn’t when we were dating.”
I shrug, because even though it’s a loose thread that’s been driving me crazy, I don’t have any answers.
Lucy looks to the ceiling before biting her lip again, hesitation clear on her face.
“What is it?”
“That explains why the media thought you were having issues back then, but what about with me? Why were they saying you’d fallenbackinto that pattern?”
I grimace and rest my face in my hands, subtly kneading my temples. This is the part no one knows. The part I’ve kept hidden from everyone.
“I lostsomefocus again, briefly, but I knew I’d eventually find a balance between you and football, so I was fine with it. I wasn’t letting it get me down like last time.”
“You lost focus?”
“Yeah.” Taking a deep breath, I push off the counter and grip the back of my neck. “I have trouble quieting my mind. It’s been that way since I was a kid. It’s why I try to focus on one thing. Dedicating all my time and energy into my football. When something else comes along it can take me a beat to find cohesion in my head, but as soon as I do, I’m fine. It’s why I struggled back then, and it’s why word got out that I was struggling again with you. I just didn’t have you long enough to reconcile it all before it was over.”
Taking a breath from my outpouring of information, I chance a look at Lucy and find her staring back at me with glassy eyes, her lips sucked into her mouth, as though she’s staving off the tears.Dammit! I do not want her pity.
“Lucy, I didn’t tell you that so you’d pity me or feel bad, I—”
“No, that’s not…” She reaches out and grabs my hand, linking our fingers. “I don’t feel either of those things. I…have you ever spoken to someone about it? Maybe seen… God, I don’t know. I treat the body, not the mind, but—”
“Thank you,” I interrupt, giving Lucy’s fingers a squeeze as I smile. “My mom took me to see a psychologist as a kid, but back then they blamed it on me being a boy and having a small attention span. These days I imagine I’d be diagnosed with something. After a bit of research, I’d guess it’d likely be ADHD. But that’s not the point. I’m sorry if that article led you to believe you were messing with my life, because that’s not the case. I was more than happy to have you in it.”
Lucy looks away and sniffs before her gaze comes back to mine. I hate that I’m hurting her. It wasn’t my intention, but once I started there was no going back. It’s as if her knowing everything will somehow make all my hurt go away.
“I’m sorry too,” she says, mimicking my hand squeeze. “I could have handled that situation better. I was freaking out, and I didn’t want my mess to become yours.”
“Oh, but what a wonderful mess she is,” I say with a wink and relish Lucy’s entire face lighting up.
“She’s more than wonderful. She’s my world, and while I’m not sure I’d do anything differently if I was faced with the same choices, I still think about what I missed out on because of how I handled things. More specifically whatwemissed out on.”
My lips curl into a smirk as I pull Lucy closer, until our bodies touch. “You thought about me?”
